So after a while I took off all my clothes, tied them up in a bundle with a stone inside, and dropped them in the deep water on the outer side of that islet.That was suicide enough for me.
Let them think what they liked, but I didn't mean to drown myself.
I meant to swim till I sank--but that's not the same thing.
I struck out for another of these little islands, and it was from that one that I first saw your riding light.
Something to swim for.I went on easily, and on the way I came upon a flat rock a foot or two above water.In the daytime, I dare say, you might make it out with a glass from your poop.
I scrambled up on it and rested myself for a bit.
Then I made another start.That last spell must have been over a mile."His whisper was getting fainter and fainter, and all the time he stared straight out through the porthole, in which there was not even a star to be seen.I had not interrupted him.
There was something that made comment impossible in his narrative, or perhaps in himself; a sort of feeling, a quality, which I can't find a name for.And when he ceased, all I found was a futile whisper:
"So you swam for our light?"
"Yes--straight for it.It was something to swim for.
I couldn't see any stars low down because the coast was in the way, and I couldn't see the land, either.The water was like glass.
One might have been swimming in a confounded thousand-feet deep cistern with no place for scrambling out anywhere; but what I didn't like was the notion of swimming round and round like a crazed bullock before I gave out; and as I didn't mean to go back.
..No.Do you see me being hauled back, stark naked, off one of these little islands by the scruff of the neck and fighting like a wild beast? Somebody would have got killed for certain, and I did not want any of that.So I went on.
Then your ladder--"
"Why didn't you hail the ship?" I asked, a little louder.
He touched my shoulder lightly.Lazy footsteps came right over our heads and stopped.The second mate had crossed from the other side of the poop and might have been hanging over the rail for all we knew.
"He couldn't hear us talking--could he?" My double breathed into my very ear, anxiously.
His anxiety was in answer, a sufficient answer, to the question I had put to him.An answer containing all the difficulty of that situation.I closed the porthole quietly, to make sure.
A louder word might have been overheard.
"Who's that?" he whispered then.
"My second mate.But I don't know much more of the fellow than you do."And I told him a little about myself.I had been appointed to take charge while I least expected anything of the sort, not quite a fortnight ago.I didn't know either the ship or the people.
Hadn't had the time in port to look about me or size anybody up.
And as to the crew, all they knew was that I was appointed to take the ship home.For the rest, I was almost as much of a stranger on board as himself, I said.And at the moment I felt it most acutely.
I felt that it would take very little to make me a suspect person in the eyes of the ship's company.
He had turned about meantime; and we, the two strangers in the ship, faced each other in identical attitudes.
"Your ladder--" he murmured, after a silence."Who'd have thought of finding a ladder hanging over at night in a ship anchored out here!
I felt just then a very unpleasant faintness.After the life I've been leading for nine weeks, anybody would have got out of condition.
I wasn't capable of swimming round as far as your rudder chains.
And, lo and behold! there was a ladder to get hold of.
After I gripped it I said to myself, `What's the good?'
When I saw a man's head looking over I thought I would swim away presently and leave him shouting--in whatever language it was.
I didn't mind being looked at.I--I liked it.And then you speaking to me so quietly--as if you had expected me--made me hold on a little longer.
It had been a confounded lonely time--I don't mean while swimming.
I was glad to talk a little to somebody that didn't belong to the Sephora.
As to asking for the captain, that was a mere impulse.It could have been no use, with all the ship knowing about me and the other people pretty certain to be round here in the morning.I don't know--I wanted to be seen, to talk with somebody, before I went on.
I don't know what I would have said....`Fine night, isn't it?'
or something of the sort."
"Do you think they will be round here presently?"I asked with some incredulity.
"Quite likely," he said, faintly.
"He looked extremely haggard all of a sudden.His head rolled on his shoulders.
"H'm.We shall see then.Meantime get into that bed," I whispered.
"Want help? There."
It was a rather high bed place with a set of drawers underneath.
This amazing swimmer really needed the lift I gave him by seizing his leg.
He tumbled in, rolled over on his back, and flung one arm across his eyes.
And then, with his face nearly hidden, he must have looked exactly as I used to look in that bed.I gazed upon my other self for a while before drawing across carefully the two green serge curtains which ran on a brass rod.
I thought for a moment of pinning them together for greater safety, but I sat down on the couch, and once there I felt unwilling to rise and hunt for a pin.I would do it in a moment.I was extremely tired, in a peculiarly intimate way, by the strain of stealthiness, by the effort of whispering and the general secrecy of this excitement.
It was three o'clock by now and I had been on my feet since nine, but I was not sleepy; I could not have gone to sleep.I sat there, fagged out, looking at the curtains, trying to clear my mind of the confused sensation of being in two places at once, and greatly bothered by an exasperating knocking in my head.It was a relief to discover suddenly that it was not in my head at all, but on the outside of the door.
Before I could collect myself the words "Come in" were out of my mouth, and the steward entered with a tray, bringing in my morning coffee.
I had slept, after all, and I was so frightened that I shouted, "This way! I am here, steward," as though he had been miles away.