`I can't say either yes or no,' she said at last, turning round and walking towards the way she had come, `I must wait, lest I should decide wrongly.I must seek for guidance.'
`May I come again, then - to-morrow - or the next day - or next week?'
`I think I had better write,' said Maggie faltering again.`I have to go to St Ogg's sometimes, and I can put the letter in the post.'
`O no,' said Philip eagerly.`That would not be so well.My father might see the letter - and - he has not any enmity, I believe, but he views things differently from me; he thinks a great deal about wealth and position.
Pray let me come here once more.Tell me when it shall be; or, if you can't tell me, I will come as often as I can till I do see you.'
`I think it must be so, then,' said Maggie, `for I can't be quite certain of coming here any particular evening.'
Maggie felt a great relief in adjourning the decision.She was free now to enjoy the minutes of companionship - she almost thought she might linger a little: the next time they met, she should have to pain Philip by telling him her determination.
`I can't help thinking,' she said, looking smilingly at him, after a few moments of silence, `how strange it is that we should have met and talked to each other just as if it had been only yesterday when we parted at Lorton.And yet we must both be very much altered in those five years - I think it is five years.How was it you seemed to have a sort of feeling that I was the same Maggie? - I was not quite so sure that you would be the same: I know you are so clever, and you must have seen and learnt so much to fill your mind - I was not quite sure you would care about me now.'
`I have never had any doubt that you would be the same, whenever I might see you,' said Philip.`I mean, the same in everything that made me like you better than any one else.I don't want to explain that: I don't think any of the strongest effects our natures are susceptible of can ever be explained.We can neither detect the process by which they are arrived at nor the mode in which they act on us.The greatest of painters only once painted a mysteriously divine child - he couldn't have told how he did it - and we can't tell why we feel it to be divine.I think there are stores laid up in our human nature that our understanding can make no complete inventory of.Certain strains of music affect me so strangely - I can never hear them without their changing my whole attitude of mind for a time, and if the effect would last I might be capable of heroisms.'
`Ah! I know what you mean about music - I feel so,' said Maggie, clasping her hands with her old impetuosity.`At least,' she added, in a saddened tone, `I used to feel so when I had any music: I never have any now, except the organ at church.'
`And you long for it, Maggie?' said Philip, looking at her with affectionate pity.`Ah, you can have very little that is beautiful in your life.Have you many books? You were so fond of them when you were a little girl.'
They were come back to the hollow, round which the dogroses grew, and they both paused under the charm of the faëry evening light, reflected from the pale-pink clusters.
`No, I have given up books,' said Maggie, quietly, `except a very, very few.'
Philip had already taken from his pocket a small volume, and was looking at the back, as he said, `Ah, this is the second volume, I see, else you might have liked to take it home with you.I put it in my pocket because I am studying a scene for a picture.'
Maggie had looked at the back too and saw the title: it revived an old impression with overmastering force.
`"The Pirate,"' she said, taking the book from Philip's hands.`O, Ibegan that once - I read to where Minna is walking with Cleveland - and I could never get to read the rest.I went on with it in my own head, and I made several endings; but they were all unhappy.I could never make a happy ending out of that beginning.Poor Minna! I wonder what is the real end.For a long while I couldn't get my mind away from the Shetland Isles - I used to feel the wind blowing on me from the rough sea.'
Maggie spoke rapidly with glistening eyes.
`Take that volume home with you, Maggie,' said Philip, watching her with delight.`I don't want it now.I shall make a picture of you, instead - you among the Scotch firs and the slanting shadows.'