AS FOR LOVE!
The time spent by Mrs Lopez at Dovercourt was by no means one of complete happiness.Her husband did not come down very frequently, alleging that his business kept him in town, and that the journey was too long.When he did come he annoyed her either by moroseness or tyranny, or by an affectation of loving good-humour, which was the more disagreeable alternative of the two.
She knew that he had not right to be good-humoured, and she was quite able to appreciate the difference between fictitious love and love that was real.He did not while she was at Dovercourt speak to her again directly about her father's money,--but he gave her to understand that he required from her very close economy.Then again she referred to the brougham which she knew was to be in readiness on her return to London, but he told her that he was the best judge of that.The economy which he demanded was that comfortless heartrending economy which nips the practiser at every turn, but does not betray itself to the world at large.He would have her save out of her washerwoman and linendraper, and yet have a smart gown and go in a brougham.He begrudged her postage stamps, and stopped the subscription at Mudie's, though he insisted on a front seat in the Dovercourt church, paying half a guinea more for it than he would for a place at the side.And then before their sojourn at the place had come to an end he left her for a while absolutely penniless, so that when the butcher and baker called for their money she could not pay them.That was a dreadful calamity to her, and of which she was hardly able to measure the real worth.It had never happened to her before to have to refuse an application for money that was due.In her father's house such a thing, as far as she knew, had never happened.She had sometimes heard that Everett was impecunious, but that had simply indicated an additional call upon her father.When the butcher came the second time she wrote to her husband in an agony.Should she write to her father for a supply? She was sure that her father would not leave them in actual want.Then he sent her a cheque, enclosed in an angry letter.Apply to her father! Had she not learnt as yet that she was to lean upon her father any longer, but simply on him? And was she such a fool as to suppose that a tradesman could not wait a month for his money?
During all this time she had no friend,--no person to whom she could speak,--except Mrs Parker.Mrs Parker was very open and very confidential about the business, really knowing very much more about it than did Mrs Lopez.There was some sympathy and confidence between her and her husband, though they had latterly been much lessened by Sexty's conduct.Mrs Parker talked daily about the business now that her mouth had been opened, and was very clearly of the opinion that it was not a good business.
'Sexty don't think it good himself,' she said.
'Then why does he go on with it?'
'Business is a thing, Mrs Lopez, as people can't drop out of just at a moment.A man gets himself entangled, and must free himself as best he can.I know he's terribly afeard;--and sometimes he does say such things of your husband!' Emily shrunk almost into herself as she heard this.'You mustn't be angry, for indeed it's better you should know all.'
'I'm not angry; only very unhappy.Surely, Mr Parker could separate himself from Mr Lopez if he pleased?'
'That's what I say to him.Give it up, though it be ever so much as you've got to lose by him.Give it up, and begin again.
You've always got your experience, and if it's only a crust you can earn, that's sure and safe.But then he declares that he means to pull through, Mrs Lopez.There shouldn't be no need of pulling through.It should all come just of its own accord,--little and little, but safe.' Then, when the days of their marine holiday were coming to an end,--in the first week in October,--the day before the return of the Parkers to Ponder's End, she made a strong appeal to her new friend.'You ain't afraid of him, are you?'
'Of my husband?' said Mrs Lopez.'I hope not.Why should you ask?'
'Believe me, a woman should never be afraid of 'em.I never would give in to be bullied and made little of by Sexty.I'd do a'most anything to make him comfortable.I'm soft-hearted.And why not, when he's the father of my children? But I'm not going not to say a thing if I think it right, because I'm afeard.'
'I think I could say anything if I thought it right.'
'Then tell him of me and my babes,--as how I can never have a quiet night while this is going on.It isn't that they two men are fond of one another.Nothing of the sort.Now you;--I've got to be downright fond of you, though, of course, you think me common.' Mrs Lopez would not contradict her but stooped forward and kissed her cheek.'I'm downright fond of you, I am,'
continued Mrs Parker, snuffling and sobbing, 'but they two men are only together because Mr Lopez wants to gamble, and Parker has got a little money to gamble with.' This aspect of the thing was so terrible to Mrs Lopez that she could only weep and hid her face.'Now, if you would tell him the truth! Tell him what Isay, and that I've been a-saying it! Tell him it's for my children I'm a-speaking, who won't have bread in their very mouths if their father's squeezed dry like a sponge! Sure, if you'd tell him this, he wouldn't go on!' Then she paused a moment, looking up into the other woman's face.'He'd have some bowels of compassion;--wouldn't he now?'
'I'll try,' said Mrs Lopez.
'I know you're good and kind-hearted, my dear.I saw it in your eyes from the very first.But then men, when they get on at money-******,--or money-losing, which makes 'em worse,--are like tigers clawing one another.They don't care how many they kills, so that they has at least bit for themselves.There ain't no fear of God init, nor yet no mercy, nor ere a morsel of heart.