All the Fletchers went back,--not, however, with any intention on the part of Arthur to abandon his immediate attempt.The distance between the houses was not so great but that he could drive himself over at any time.'I shall go now,' he said to Mr Wharton, 'because I have promised John to fish with him to-morrow, but I shall come over on Monday or Tuesday, and stay till I go back to town.I hope she will at any rate let me speak to her.' The father said he would do his best, but that that obstinate resumption of her weeds on her brother's very wedding day had nearly broken his heart.
When the Fletchers were back at Longbarns, the two ladies were very severe on her.'It was downright obstinacy,' said the squire's wife, 'and it almost makes me think that it would serve her right to leave her as she is.'
'It's pride,' said the old lady.'She won't give way.I said ever so much to her, but it's no use.I feel it the more because we have gone so much out of the way to be good to her after she made such a fool of herself.If it goes on much longer, I shall never forgive her again.'
'You'll have to forgive her, mother,' said her eldest son, 'let her sins be what they may,--or else you will have to quarrel with Arthur.'
'I do think it's very hard,' said the old lady, taking herself out of the room.And it was hard.The offence in the first instance had been very great and the forgiveness very difficult.
But Mrs Fletcher had lived long enough to know that when sons are thoroughly respectable a widowed mother has to do their bidding.
Emily, through the whole wedding day, and the next day, and day after day, remembered Mrs Fletcher's words.'There are some who will never be light-hearted again till they see you smile.' And the old woman had named her dearest friends, and had ended by naming Arthur Fletcher.She had then acknowledged to herself that it was her duty to smile in order that others might smile also.But how is one to smile with a heavy heart? Should one smile and lie? And how long and to what good purpose can such forced contentment last? She had marred her whole life.In former days she had been proud of all her virgin glories,--proud of her intellect, proud of her beauty, proud of that obeisance which beauty, birth, and intellect combined, exact from all comers.She had been ambitious as to her future life;--had intended to be careful not to surrender herself to some empty fool;--had thought herself well qualified to pick her own steps.
And this had come of it! They told her that she might still make everything right, annul the past and begin the world again as fresh as ever;--if she would only smile and study to forget! Do it for the sake of others, they said, and then it will be done for yourself also.But she could not conquer the past.The fire and water of repentance, adequate as they may be for eternity, cannot burn out or wash away the remorse of this life.They scorch and choke,--and unless it be so there is no repentance.
So she told herself,--and yet it was her duty to be light-hearted that others around her might not be made miserable by her sorrow! If she could in truth be light-hearted, then would she know herself to be unfeeling and worthless.
On the third day after the marriage Arthur Fletcher came back to Wharton with the declared intention of remaining there till the end of the holiday.She could make no objection to such an arrangement, nor could she hasten her own return to London.That had been fixed before her departure, and was to made together with her father.She felt that she was being attacked with unfair weapons, and that undue advantage was taken of the sacrifice which she had made for her brother's sake.And yet,--yet how good to her they all were! How wonderful it was that after the thing she had done, after the disgrace she had brought on herself and them, after the destruction of all that pride which had once been hers, they should still wish to have her among them! As for him,--of whom she was always thinking,--of what nature must be his love, when he was willing to take to himself as his wife such a thing as she had made of herself!
But, thinking of this, she would only tell herself that, as he would not protect himself, she was bound to be his protector.
Yes;--she would protect him, though she could dream of a world of joy that might be hers if she could do as he would ask her.
He caught her at last, and forced her to come out with him into the grounds.He could tell his tale better as he walked by her side than sitting restlessly on a chair and moving awkwardly about the room, as on such an occasion he would be sure to do.
Within four walls she would have some advantage over him.She could sit still and be dignified in her stillness.But in the open air, when they would both be on their legs, she might not be so powerful with him, and he perhaps might be stronger with her.
She could not refuse him when he asked her to walk with him.And why should she refuse him? Of course he must be allowed to utter his prayer,--and then she must be allowed to make her answer.
'I think the marriage went off very well,' he said.
'Very well.Everett ought to be a happy man.'
'No doubt he will be,--when he settles down to something.
Everything will come right for him.With some people things seem to go smooth, don't they? They have not hitherto gone smoothly with you and me, Emily.'
'You are prosperous.You have everything before you that a man can wish, if only you will allow yourself to think so.Your profession is successful, and you are in Parliament, and everyone likes you.'
'It is all nothing.'
'That is the general discontent of the world.'
'It is all nothing--unless I have you too.Remember that I had said so long before I was successful, when I did not dream of Parliament; before we had heard the name of the man who came between us and my happiness.I think I am entitled to be believed when I say so.I think I know my own mind.There are many men who would have been changed by the episode of such a marriage.'
'You ought to be changed by it,--and by its result.'