LEBEDIEFF.You might go to Mulbach and get some money from him;doesn't he owe you sixty thousand roubles?
IVANOFF makes a despairing gesture.
LEBEDIEFF.Listen to me,Nicholas,I know you will be angry,but you must forgive an old drunkard like me.This is between friends;remember I am your friend.We were students together,both Liberals;we had the same interests and ideals;we studied together at the University of Moscow.It is our Alma Mater.[He takes out his purse]I have a private fund here;not a soul at home knows of its existence.Let me lend it to you.[He takes out the money and lays it on the table]Forget your pride;this is between friends!I should take it from you,indeed I should![Apause]There is the money,one hundred thousand roubles.Take it;go to her y ourself and say:"Take the money,Zinaida,and may you choke on it."Only,for heaven's sake,don't let her see by your manner that you got it from me,or she would certainly go for me,with her old jam![He looks intently into IVANOFF'S face]
There,there,no matter.[He quickly takes up the money and stuffs it back into his pocket]Don't take it,I was only joking.
Forgive me!Are you hurt?
IVANOFF waves his hand.
LEBEDIEFF.Yes,the truth is--[He sighs]This is a time of sorrow and pain for you.A man,brother,is like a samovar;he cannot always stand coolly on a shelf;hot coals will be dropped into him some day,and then--fizz!The comparison is idiotic,but it is the best I can think of.[Sighing]Misfortunes wring the soul,and yet I am not worried about you,brother.Wheat goes through the mill,and comes out as flour,and you will come safely through your troubles;but I am annoyed,Nicholas,and angry with the people around you.The whole countryside is buzzing with gossip;where does it all start?They say you will be soon arrested for your debts,that you are a bloodthirsty murderer,a monster of cruelty,a robber.
IVANOFF.All that is nothing to me;my head is aching.
LEBEDIEFF.Because you think so much.
IVANOFF.I never think.
LEBEDIEFF.Come,Nicholas,snap your fingers at the whole thing,and drive over to visit us.Sasha loves and understands you.She is a sweet,honest,lovely girl;too good to be the child of her mother and me!Sometimes,when I look at her,I cannot believe that such a treasure could belong to a fat old drunkard like me.
Go to her,talk to her,and let her cheer you.She is a good,true-hearted girl.
IVANOFF.Paul,my dear friend,please go,and leave me alone.
LEBEDIEFF.I understand,I understand![He glances at his watch]
Yes,I understand.[He kisses IVANOFF]Good-bye,I must go to the blessing of the school now.[He goes as far as the door,then stops]She is so clever!Sasha and I were talking about gossiping yesterday,and she flashed out this epigram:"Father,"she said,"fire-flies shine at night so that the night-birds may make them their prey,and good people are made to be preyed upon by gossips and slanderers."What do you think of that?She is a genius,another George Sand!
IVANOFF.[Stopping him as he goes out]Paul,what is the matter with me?
LEBEDIEFF.I have wanted to ask you that myself,but I must confess I was ashamed to.I don't know,old chap.Sometimes Ithink your troubles have been too heavy for you,and yet I know you are not the kind to give in to them;you would not be overcome by misfortune.It must be something else,Nicholas,but what it may be I can't imagine.
IVANOFF.I can't imagine either what the matter is,unless--and yet no--[A pause]Well,do you see,this is what I wanted to say.I used to have a workman called Simon,you remember him.
Once,at threshing-time,to show the girls how strong he was,he loaded himself with two sacks of rye,and broke his back.He died soon after.I think I have broken my back also.First I went to school,then to the university,then came the cares of this estate,all my plans--I did not believe what others did;did not marry as others did;I worked passionately,risked everything;no one else,as you know,threw their money away to right and left as I did.So I heaped the burdens on my back,and it broke.We are all heroes at twenty,ready to attack anything,to do everything,and at thirty are worn-out,useless men.How,oh,how do you account for this weariness?However,I may be quite wrong;go away,Paul,I am boring you.
LEBEDIEFF.I know what is the matter with you,old man:you got out of bed on the wrong side this morning.
IVANOFF.That is stupid,Paul,and stale.Go away!
LEBEDIEFF.It is stupid,certainly.I see that myself now.I am going at once.[LEBEDIEFF goes out.
IVANOFF.[Alone]I am a worthless,miserable,useless man.Only a man equally miserable and suffering,as Paul is,could love or esteem me now.Good God!How I loathe myself!How bitterly I hate my voice,my hands,my thoughts,these clothes,each step I take!