DARSIE LATIMER TO ALAN FAIRFORD
SHEPHERD'S BUSH.
I have received thine absurd and most conceited epistle.It is well for thee that,Lovelace and Belford-like,we came under a convention to pardon every species of liberty which we may take with each other;since,upon my word,there are some reflections in your last which would otherwise have obliged me to return forthwith to Edinburgh,merely to show you I was not what you took me for.
Why,what a pair of prigs hast thou made of us!I plunging into scrapes,without having courage to get out of them--thy sagacious self,afraid to put one foot before the other,lest it should run away from its companion;and so standing still like a post,out of mere faintness and coldness of heart,while all the world were driving full speed past thee.Thou a portrait-painter!I tell thee,Alan,I have seen a better seated on the fourth round of a ladder,and painting a bare-breeched Highlander,holding a pint-stoup as big as himself,and a booted Lowlander,in a bobwig,supporting a glass of like dimensions;the whole being designed to represent the sign of the Salutation.
How hadst thou the heart to represent thine own individual self,with all thy motions,like those of a great Dutch doll,depending on the pressure of certain springs,as duty,reflection,and the like;without the impulse of which,thou wouldst doubtless have me believe thou wouldst not budge an inch!But have I not seen Gravity out of his bed at midnight?and must I,in plain terms,remind thee of certain mad pranks?Thou hadst ever,with the gravest sentiments in thy mouth and the most starched reserve in thy manner,a kind of lumbering proclivity towards mischief,although with more inclination to set it a-going than address to carry it through;and I cannot but chuckle internally,when Ithink of having seen my most venerable monitor,the future president of some high Scottish court,puffing,blowing,and floundering,like a clumsy cart-horse in a bog where his efforts to extricate himself only plunged him deeper at every awkward struggle,till some one--I myself,for example--took compassion on the moaning monster,and dragged him out by mane and tail.
As for me,my portrait is,if possible,even more scandalously caricatured,I fail or quail in spirit at the upcome!Where canst thou show me the least symptom of the recreant temper,with which thou hast invested me (as I trust)merely to set off the solid and impassible dignity of thine own stupid indifference?
If you ever saw me tremble,be assured that my flesh,like that of the old Spanish general,only quaked at the dangers into which my spirit was about to lead it.Seriously,Alan,this imputed poverty of spirit is a shabby charge to bring against your friend.I have examined myself as closely as I can,being,in very truth,a little hurt at your having such hard thoughts of me,and on my life I can see no reason for them.I allow you have,perhaps,some advantage of me in the steadiness and indifference of your temper;but I should despise myself,if Iwere conscious of the deficiency in courage which you seem willing enough to impute to me.However,I suppose,this ungracious hint proceeds from sincere anxiety for my safety;and so viewing it,I swallow it as I would do medicine from a friendly doctor,although I believed in my heart he had mistaken my complaint.
This offensive insinuation disposed of,I thank thee,Alan,for the rest of thy epistle.I thought I heard your good father pronouncing the word Noble House,with a mixture of contempt and displeasure,as if the very name of the poor little hamlet were odious to him,or as if you had selected,out of all Scotland,the very place at which you had no call to dine.But if he had had any particular aversion to that blameless village and very sorry inn,is it not his own fault that I did not accept the invitation of the Laird of Glengallacher,to shoot a buck in what he emphatically calls 'his country'?Truth is,I had a strong desire to have complied with his lairdship's invitation.To shoot a buck!Think how magnificent an idea to one who never shot anything but hedge-sparrows,and that with a horse-pistol purchased at a broker's stand in the Cowgate!You,who stand upon your courage,may remember that I took the risk of firing the said pistol for the first time,while you stood at twenty yards'distance;and that,when you were persuaded it would go off without bursting,forgetting all law but that of the biggest and strongest,you possessed yourself of it exclusively for the rest of the holidays.Such a day's sport was no complete introduction to the noble art of deer-stalking,as it is practised in the Highlands;but I should not have scrupled to accept honest Glengallacher's invitation,at the risk of firing a rifle for the first time,had it not been for the outcry which your father made at my proposal,in the full ardour of his zeal for King George,the Hanover succession,and the Presbyterian faith.I wish I had stood out,since I have gained so little upon his good opinion by submission.All his impressions concerning the Highlanders are taken from the recollections of the Forty-five,when he retreated from the West Port with his brother volunteers,each to the fortalice of his own separate dwelling,so soon as they heard the Adventurer was arrived with his clans as near them as Kirkliston.The flight of Falkirk--PARMA NON BENE SELECTA--in which I think your sire had his share with the undaunted western regiment,does not seem to have improved his taste for the company of the Highlanders;(quaere,Alan,dost thou derive the courage thou makest such boast of from an hereditary source?)and stories of Rob Roy Macgregor,and Sergeant Alan Mhor Cameron,have served to paint them in still more sable colours to his imagination.[Of Rob Roy we have had more than enough.Alan Cameron,commonly called Sergeant Mhor,a freebooter of the same period,was equally remarkable for strength,courage,and generosity.]
Now,from all I can understand,these ideas,as applied to the present state of the country,are absolutely chimerical.The Pretender is no more remembered in the Highlands than if the poor gentleman were gathered to his hundred and eight fathers,whose portraits adorn the ancient walls of Holyrood;the broadswords have passed into other hands;the targets are used to cover the butter churns;and the race has sunk,or is fast sinking,from ruffling bullies into tame cheaters.Indeed,it was partly my conviction that there is little to be seen in the north,which,arriving at your father's conclusions,though from different premisses,inclined my course in this direction,where perhaps Ishall see as little.
One thing,however,I HAVE seen;and it was with pleasure the more indescribable,that I was debarred from treading the land which my eyes were permitted to gaze upon,like those of the dying prophet from top of Mount Pisgah,--I have seen,in a word,the fruitful shores of merry England;merry England!of which Iboast myself a native,and on which I gaze,even while raging floods and unstable quicksands divide us,with the filial affection of a dutiful son.
Thou canst not have forgotten,Alan--for when didst thou ever forget what was interesting to thy friend?--that the same letter from my friend Griffiths,which doubled my income,and placed my motions at my own free disposal,contained a prohibitory clause,by which,reason none assigned,I was prohibited,as I respected my present safety and future fortunes,from visiting England;every other part of the British dominions,and a tour,if Ipleased,on the Continent,being left to my own choice.--Where is the tale,Alan,of a covered dish in the midst of a royal banquet,upon which the eyes of every guest were immediately fixed,neglecting all the dainties with which the table was loaded?This cause of banishment from England--from my native country--from the land of the brave,and the wise,and the free--affects me more than I am rejoiced by the ******* and independence assigned to me in all other respects.Thus,in seeking this extreme boundary of the country which I am forbidden to tread,I resemble the poor tethered horse,which,you may have observed,is always grazing on the very verge of the circle to which it is limited by its halter.
Do not accuse me of romance for obeying this impulse towards the South;nor suppose that,to satisfy the imaginary longing of an idle curiosity,I am in any danger of risking the solid comforts of my present condition.Whoever has hitherto taken charge of my motions has shown me,by convincing proofs more weighty than the assurances which they have witheld,that my real advantage is their principal object.I should be,therefore,worse than a fool did I object to their authority,even when it seems somewhat capriciously exercised;for assuredly,at my age,I might--intrusted as I am with the care and management of myself in every other particular--expect that the cause of excluding me from England should be frankly and fairly stated for my own consideration and guidance.However,I will not grumble about the matter.I shall know the whole story one day,I suppose;and perhaps,as you sometimes surmise,I shall not find there is any mighty matter in it after all.
Yet one cannot help wondering--but plague on it,if I wonder any longer,my letter will be as full of wonders as one of Katterfelto's advertisements.I have a month's mind,instead of this damnable iteration of guesses and forebodings,to give thee the history of a little adventure which befell me yesterday;though I am sure you will,as usual,turn the opposite side of the spyglass on my poor narrative,and reduce,MORE TUO,to the most petty trivialities,the circumstance to which thou accusest me of giving undue consequence.Hang thee,Alan,thou art as unfit a confidant for a youthful gallant with some spice of imagination,as the old taciturn secretary of Facardin of Trebizond.Nevertheless,we must each perform our separate destinies.I am doomed to see,act,and tell;thou,like a Dutchman enclosed in the same diligence with a Gascon,to hear,and shrug thy shoulders.
Of Dumfries,the capital town of this county,I have but little to say,and will not abuse your patience by reminding you that it is built on the gallant river Nith,and that its churchyard,the highest place of the old town,commands an extensive and fine prospect.Neither will I take the traveller's privilege of inflicting upon you the whole history of Bruce poniarding the Red Comyn in the Church of the Dominicans at this place,and becoming a king and patriot because he had been a church-breaker and a murderer.The present Dumfriezers remember and justify the deed,observing it was only a papist church--in evidence whereof,its walls have been so completely demolished that no vestiges of them remain.They are a sturdy set of true-blue Presbyterians,these burghers of Dumfries;men after your father's own heart,zealous for the Protestant succession--the rather that many of the great families around are suspected to be of a different way of thinking,and shared,a great many of them,in the insurrection of the Fifteen,and some in the more recent business of the Forty-five.The town itself suffered in the latter era;for Lord Elcho,with a large party of the rebels,levied a severe contribution upon Dumfries,on account of the citizens having annoyed the rear of the Chevalier during his march into England.
Many of these particulars I learned from Provost C--,who,happening to see me in the market-place,remembered that I was an intimate of your father's,and very kindly asked me to dinner.
Pray tell your father that the effects of his kindness to me follow me everywhere.I became tired,however,of this pretty town in the course of twenty-four hours,and crept along the coast eastwards,amusing myself with looking out for objects of antiquity,and sometimes ******,or attempting to make,use of my new angling-rod.By the way,old Cotton's instructions,by which I hoped to qualify myself for one of the gentle society of anglers,are not worth a farthing for this meridian.I learned this by mere accident,after I had waited four mortal hours.Ishall never forget an impudent urchin,a cowherd,about twelve years old,without either brogue or bonnet,barelegged,and with a very indifferent pair of breeches--how the villain grinned in scorn at my landing-net,my plummet,and the gorgeous jury of flies which I had assembled to destroy all the fish in the river.
I was induced at last to lend the rod to the sneering scoundrel,to see what he would make of it;and he had not only half filled my basket in an hour,but literally taught me to kill two trouts with my own hand.This,and Sam having found the hay and oats,not forgetting the ale,very good at this small inn,first made me take the fancy of resting here for a day or two;and I have got my grinning blackguard of a piscator leave to attend on me,by paying sixpence a day for a herd-boy in his stead.
A notably clean Englishwoman keeps this small house,and my bedroom is sweetened with lavender,has a clean sash-window,and the walls are,moreover,adorned with ballads of Fair Rosamond and Cruel Barbara Allan.The woman's accent,though uncouth enough,sounds yet kindly in my ear;for I have never yet forgotten the desolate effect produced on my infant organs,when I heard on all sides your slow and broad northern pronunciation,which was to me the tone of a foreign land.I am sensible Imyself have since that time acquired Scotch in perfection,and many a Scotticism withal.Still the sound of the English accentuation comes to my ears as the tones of a friend;and even when heard from the mouth of some wandering beggar,it has seldom failed to charm forth my mite.You Scotch,who are so proud of your own nationality,must make due allowance for that of other folks.
On the next morning I was about to set forth to the stream where I had commenced angler the night before,but was prevented by a heavy shower of rain from stirring abroad the whole forenoon;during all which time,I heard my varlet of a guide as loud with his blackguard jokes in the kitchen,as a footman in the shilling gallery;so little are modesty and innocence the inseparable companions of rusticity and seclusion.
When after dinner the day cleared,and we at length sallied out to the river side,I found myself subjected to a new trick on the part of my accomplished preceptor.Apparently,he liked fishing himself better than the trouble of instructing an awkward novice such as I;and in hopes of exhausting my patience,and inducing me to resign the rod,as I had done the preceding day,my friend contrived to keep me thrashing the water more than an hour with a pointless hook.I detected this trick at last,by observing the rogue grinning with delight when he saw a large trout rise and dash harmless away from the angle.I gave him a sound cuff,Alan;but the next moment was sorry,and,to make amends,yielded possession of the fishing-rod for the rest of the evening,he undertaking to bring me home a dish of trouts for my supper,in atonement for his offences.
Having thus got honourably rid of the trouble of amusing myself in a way I cared not for,I turned my steps towards the sea,or rather the Solway Firth which here separates the two sister kingdoms,and which lay at about a mile's distance,by a pleasant walk over sandy knells,covered with short herbage,which you call Links,and we English,Downs.
But the rest of my adventure would weary out my fingers,and must be deferred until to-morrow,when you shall hear from me,by way of continuation;and,in the meanwhile,to prevent over-hasty conclusions,I must just hint to you,we are but yet on the verge of the adventure which it is my purpose to communicate.