He had some discussion with himself as to whether he should speak to her,and so secure her promise to be his before returning to Cambridge or not.He did not like the formality of an application to Mr.Wilkins,which would,after all,have been the proper and straightforward course to pursue with a girl of her age--she was barely sixteen.Not that he anticipated any difficulty on Mr.
Wilkins's part;his approval of the intimacy which at their respective ages was pretty sure to lead to an attachment,was made as evident as could be by actions without words.But there would have to be reference to his own father,who had no notion of the whole affair,and would be sure to treat it as a boyish fancy;as if at twenty-one Ralph was not a man,as clear and deliberative in knowing his own mind,as resolute as he ever would be in deciding upon the course of exertion that should lead him to independence and fame,if such were to be attained by clear intellect and a strong will.
No;to Mr.Wilkins he would not speak for another year or two.
But should he tell Ellinor in direct terms of his love--his intention to marry her?
Again he inclined to the more prudent course of silence.He was not afraid of any change in his own inclinations:of them he was sure.
But he looked upon it in this way:If he made a regular declaration to her she would be bound to tell it to her father.He should not respect her or like her so much if she did not.And yet this course would lead to all the conversations,and discussions,and references to his own father,which made his own direct appeal to Mr.Wilkins appear a premature step to him.
Whereas he was as sure of Ellinor's love for him as if she had uttered all the vows that women ever spoke;he knew even better than she did how fully and entirely that innocent girlish heart was his own.He was too proud to dread her inconstancy for an instant;"besides,"as he went on to himself,as if to make assurance doubly sure,"whom does she see?Those stupid Holsters,who ought to be only too proud of having such a girl for their cousin,ignore her existence,and spoke slightingly of her father only the very last time I dined there.The country people in this precisely Boeotian --shire clutch at me because my father goes up to the Plantagenets for his pedigree--not one whit for myself--and neglect Ellinor;and only condescend to her father because old Wilkins was nobody-knows-who's son.So much the worse for them,but so much the better for me in this case.I'm above their silly antiquated prejudices,and shall be only too glad when the fitting time comes to make Ellinor my wife.
After all,a prosperous attorney's daughter may not be considered an unsuitable match for me--younger son as I am.Ellinor will make a glorious woman three or four years hence;just the style my father admires--such a figure,such limbs.I'll be patient,and bide my time,and watch my opportunities,and all will come right."So he bade Ellinor farewell in a most reluctant and affectionate manner,although his words might have been spoken out in Hamley market-place,and were little different from what he said to Miss Monro.Mr.Wilkins half expected a disclosure to himself of the love which he suspected in the young man;and when that did not come,he prepared himself for a confidence from Ellinor.But she had nothing to tell him,as he very well perceived from the child's open unembarrassed manner when they were left alone together after dinner.
He had refused an invitation,and shaken off Mr.Ness,in order to have this confidential tete-a-tete with his motherless girl;and there was nothing to make confidence of.He was half inclined to be angry;but then he saw that,although sad,she was so much at peace with herself and with the world,that he,always an optimist,began to think the young man had done wisely in not tearing open the rosebud of her feelings too prematurely.
The next two years passed over in much the same way--or a careless spectator might have thought so.I have heard people say,that if you look at a regiment advancing with steady step over a plain on a review-day,you can hardly tell that they are not merely marking time on one spot of ground,unless you compare their position with some other object by which to mark their progress,so even is the repetition of the movement.And thus the sad events of the future life of this father and daughter were hardly perceived in their steady advance,and yet over the monotony and flat uniformity of their days sorrow came marching down upon them like an armed man.
Long before Mr.Wilkins had recognised its shape,it was approaching him in the distance--as,in fact,it is approaching all of us at this very time;you,reader,I,writer,have each our great sorrow bearing down upon us.It may be yet beyond the dimmest point of our horizon,but in the stillness of the night our hearts shrink at the sound of its coming footstep.Well is it for those who fall into the hands of the Lord rather than into the hands of men;but worst of all is it for him who has hereafter to mingle the gall of remorse with the cup held out to him by his doom.
Mr.Wilkins took his ease and his pleasure yet more and more every year of his life;nor did the quality of his ease and his pleasure improve;it seldom does with self-indulgent people.He cared less for any books that strained his faculties a little--less for engravings and sculptures--perhaps more for pictures.He spent extravagantly on his horses;"thought of eating and drinking."There was no open vice in all this,so that any awful temptation to crime should come down upon him,and startle him out of his mode of thinking and living;half the people about him did much the same,as far as their lives were patent to his unreflecting observation.But most of his associates had their duties to do,and did them with a heart and a will,in the hours when he was not in their company.