In a class I teach for adults, I gave the class homework! The assignment was to go to someone you love and tell them you love them.
It doesn’t sound like a very tough assignment①, until you realize that most of the men were over 35 and were raised in the generation of men that were taught that expressing emotions is not “macho” ②.
At the beginning of our next class, I asked if someone wanted to share his experience. A man raised his hand. He appeared quite moved and a bit shaken.
He began, “Dennis, I was quite angry with you last week when you gave us this assignment. I didn’t feel that I had anyone to say those words to. But as I was driving home my conscience③ started talking to me. It was telling me that I knew exactly who I needed to say ‘I love you’ to. You see, five years ago, my father and I had a serious disagreement and never resolved④it since that time. We avoided seeing each other unless we had to be at Christmas or other family gatherings. So last Tuesday by the time I got home I had convinced⑤myself I was going to tell my father I loved him.”
“It’s weird⑥, but just making that decision seemed to lift a heavy load off my chest.”
“The next day at 5:30 p.m., I was at my parents’ house ringing the doorbell. It was Dad who answered the door.”
“I didn’t waste any time, I took one step in the door and said, ‘Dad, I just came over to tell you that I love you.’”
“It was as if a transformation⑦ came over my dad. Before my eyes his face softened, the wrinkles seemed to disappear and he began to cry. He reached and hugged⑧ me and said, ‘I love you too, son, but I’ve never been able to say it.’”
“It was such a precious moment.”
“But that’s not even my point. Two days after that visit, my dad, who had a heart attack and ended up⑨in hospital, unconscious⑩. I don’t know if he’ll make it.”
“So my message to all of you in this class is this: Don’t wait to do the things you know need to be done. What if I had waited to tell my dad, maybe I will never get the chance again! Take the time to do what you need to do and do it now!”
① assignmentn. 分配,任务,(课外)作业
② machoadj. 男子的,男子气的
③ consciencen. 良心,道德心
④ resolvev. 解决
⑤ convincev. 使确信,使信服
⑥ weirdadj. 怪异的,不可思议的
⑦ transformationn. 变化,转变
⑧ hugn. 拥抱
⑨ end up结果……
⑩ unconsciousadj. 不省人事的,无意识的
说“我爱你”
我给成人班的学生布置了家庭作业!作业的内容就是对你爱的人说一声“我爱你” 。
如果你意识到他们大多年纪在35岁以上,而且他们这一代人从小就认为表达自己的感情是不够“男子汉” 的行为,你就会明白这个作业并不那么容易。
第二次上课的时候,我问是否有人愿意和大家分享他的经历。一位男同学举起了手,他显得十分激动,而且有一些颤抖。
他开始讲他的经历:“丹尼斯,你上周给我们布置这个作业的时候,我很生气。我不觉得我需要和谁说这几个字。但是,当我开车回家的时候,我的良心和我进行了对话。良心确切地告诉我我需要和谁说‘我爱你’。五年前,我和我的父亲有过一次严重的意见不合,而且一直没有解决。除了圣诞和其他的家庭聚会以外,我们尽量避免见面。所以,上周二当我到家的时候,我说服我自己我应该告诉我的父亲我爱他。”
“虽然有点儿奇怪,但是当我做了这个决定的时候,好像是搬走了压在我心头的石头。”
“第二天下午5:30的时候,我按响了父母家的门铃。是爸爸开的门。”
“我没有浪费任何时间,向前迈了一步,对他说:‘爸爸,我来只想告诉你我爱你。’”
“爸爸好像换了一个人似的。他的脸变得柔和,脸上的皱纹也似乎消失了。爸爸哭了。他走上前抱住我说:‘儿子,我也爱你,但是我一直没有说出口。’”
“那一刻真的很珍贵。”
“但是我并不是想表达这个观点。两天之后,父亲因为心脏病突发住进了医院,昏迷不醒。我不知道他能否度过这一关。”
“我的意思是想告诉班里所有的同学:不要等到你必须要做的时候才去做。如果我没有对父亲说我可能永远都不会再有机会了!抓紧时间去做你要做的事情吧,现在就做!”