You know who has charm. But can you acquire it? Properly, you can’t, because it’s an originality of touch you have to be born with. Or it’s something that grows naturally out of another quality, like the simple desire to make people happy. Certainly, charm is not a question of learning palpable⑥ tricks, like wrinkling your nose, or having a laugh in your voice. On the other hand, there is an antenna, a built-in awareness of others, which most people have, and which care can nourish.
But in a study of charm, what else does one look for? Apart from the ability to listen—rarest of all human virtues, apart from warmth, sensitivity, and the power to please, there is a generosity which makes no demands. Charm spends itself willingly on young and old alike, on the poor, the ugly, the dim, the boring, on the last fat man in the corner. It reveals itself also in a sense of ease, in casual but perfect manners, and often in a physical grace which springs less from an accident of youth than from a confident serenity of mind. Any person with this is more than just a popular fellow; he is also a social healer.
Charm, in the end, is a most potent act of behavior, the laying down of a carpet by one person for another to give his existence a moment of honor. It is close to love in that it moves without force, bearing gifts like the growth of daylight. It snares completely, but is never punitive. It disarms by being itself disarmed, strikes without wounds, wins wars without casualties—though not, of course, without victims.
In the armory of man, charm is the enchanted dart, light and subtle as a hummingbird. But it is deceptive in one thing—like a sense of humor, if you think you’ve got it, you probably haven’t.
① seductionn. 诱惑,魅力
② auran. 气味,气氛
③ maternalismn. 母性,母爱
④ dispelv. 驱散,消除
⑤ stumblev. 绊脚,绊倒
⑥ palpableadj. 可触知的,可摸到的
论魅力
魅力是最终的武器,至高的诱惑,近乎所向披靡。富有魅力的人,不需金钱、不需美貌,也不需高贵的血统。魅力是上天赋予你、又让你施与他人的天赋,用之愈多,获之愈众。魅力亦是一种态度,奠定人最终成熟时的氛围,受品位与智慧左右。
真正的魅力是一种气氛,是空气中无形的麝香。倘若你看到魅力在起作用,其魔力就已不复存在了。魅力是动态变化的,不可随意开启或关闭,其成分没有固定的模式。各色“神秘元素”融入一起,生成的魔力应该是完整地道的统一体,绝非“几乎”着魔,或者“部分”着魔。
魅力之于女人,比男人更苛刻、更严厉,更精微、更奥秘。它是脸上泛出的神采、矜持相迎的神情;是安然的相伴、怅然的分离。有魅力的女人不会觉得会有乏味的男人,因为她的出现,会让所有的男人一反以往、尽展风流。这样的女人,让男人一直的幻想幻化成现实。她的鼓励,让他自信了自己的至高无上、君临四方。
令我陶醉的魅力女人,最让我记忆犹新的,是她们的声音和眼睛,那声音亲近而矜持,那聆听的眼睛,更是魅力中的极品:温暖地包容着你,让你的每一声轻言,仿佛吐露的都是金玉。魅力始终如是、无时不在,就如沙漠中的花,即便无人观赏,依然尽情绽放。
裹挟着无限魅力的女人所绽放的独特光彩,是任何男人都想读懂的华章,女人在尽展自己魅力的过程之中,给男人提供了彰显雄性的舞台,从而增添了他生命的射程。她的魅力,还在于她永恒的母性。她的沉静与抚慰能抹去他的挫败与愤怒,恢复他的意志和刚强。
魅力之于男人,我认为,是读懂女人的繁复、欣赏女人的独特,也就是我前面所说的被其完全迷住,忘却一切其他之存在。因为倾听的眼睛能击倒一切。无言的追随是动人的,但远不够。男人的魅力在于他的谈吐,他大胆的宣言、奇幻的想象和心中美德的吐露。男人因眼见而被俘,女人因耳闻而就擒。因此,男人不怕年老,正如干瘦老头伏尔泰如是说:“给我几分钟,我能说倒法国女王,让她不会在乎我的丑陋与衰老。”
但魅力不仅是性感而已,它源自种种更酷的情味。孩童大多拥有魅力——在他未被告之拥有魅力之前;无争的老人也拥有魅力;动物自然也有魅力。对于孩童,魅力是其自然的流露,小动物也是这样,这从他们无邪的眼神中可以读出;而少女已经开始有尴尬的掩饰了,似乎小马也是这样。但所有这一切都是柔顺的,那怯生生的防卫同样令人砰然心动,心驰神往。
你会鉴赏魅力,可你自己有魅力吗?也许一点儿也没有,因为魅力是天生的独创,或者说,是从另一种品质中的自然派生,比如促人愉快的渴望。显然,魅力不在学会某个具体的诀窍,比如,扇一扇鼻翼、呈一个莞尔之类。魅力是一种内在对他人的感知,这是多数人都具有的、关怀能滋养的品质。
我们在研习魅力中还须寻觅什么呢?除了倾听——这是人类所有美德之珍奇;除了热情、敏感和亲和,还有那不计回报的慷慨。魅力心甘情愿地普照众人,无论男女老幼;哪怕贫穷丑陋;纵然迟钝乏味。魅力是轻松、随意然完美自然的流露,常常更源于自信与沉稳的气度,而非青春优雅的外型。有魅力的人不仅受众人欢迎,更是纯净社会的慧心。
总之,魅力是最有效的行为法令,是向他人展示荣耀的舞台。魅力如爱,不用外力施威,承载自然天赋。魅力极具诱惑,但绝不苛刻,它和悦地捕捉、温柔地打动、和平地俘获“猎物”。
在男人的军械库里,魅力是那带有魔力的刺,像蜂雀一样地轻巧、纤细。它有时甚至极具欺骗性,比如幽默感,你自觉自己极富幽默感的时候,它往往已踪影全息。