[Marriage and the Joke of it.]
Marriages are made in heaven--"but solely," it has been added by a cynical writer, "for export." There is nothing more remarkable in human sociology than our attitude towards the institution of marriage.So it came home to me the other evening as I sat on a cane chair in the ill-lighted schoolroom of a small country town.The occasion was a Penny Reading.We had listened to the usual overture from Zampa, played by the lady professor and the eldest daughter of the brewer; to "Phil Blood's Leap," recited by the curate; to the violin solo by the pretty widow about whom gossip is whispered--one hopes it is not true.Then a pale-faced gentleman, with a drooping black moustache, walked on to the platform.It was the local tenor.
He sang to us a song of love.Misunderstandings had arisen; bitter words, regretted as soon as uttered, had pierced the all too sensitive spirit.Parting had followed.The broken-hearted one had died believing his affection unrequited.But the angels had since told him; he knew she loved him now--the accent on the now.
I glanced around me.We were the usual crowd of mixed humanity--tinkers, tailors, soldiers, sailors, with our cousins, and our sisters, and our wives.So many of our eyes were wet with tears.
Miss Butcher could hardly repress her sobs.Young Mr.Tinker, his face hidden behind his programme, pretended to be blowing his nose.
Mrs.Apothecary's large bosom heaved with heartfelt sighs.The retired Colonel sniffed audibly.Sadness rested on our souls.It might have been so different but for those foolish, hasty words!
There need have been no funeral.Instead, the church might have been decked with bridal flowers.How sweet she would have looked beneath her orange wreath! How proudly, gladly, he might have responded "Iwill," take her for his wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death did them part.And thereto he might have plighted his troth.
In the silence which reigned after the applause had subsided the beautiful words of the Marriage Service seemed to be stealing through the room: that they might ever remain in perfect love and peace together.Thy wife shall be as the fruitful vine.Thy children like the olive branches round about thy table.Lo! thus shall a man be blessed.So shall men love their wives as their own bodies, and be not bitter against them, giving honour unto them as unto the weaker vessel.Let the wife see that she reverence her husband, wearing the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit.
[Love and the Satyr.]
All the stories sung by the sweet singers of all time were echoing in our ears--stories of true love that would not run smoothly until the last chapter; of gallant lovers strong and brave against fate; of tender sweethearts, waiting, trusting, till love's golden crown was won; so they married and lived happy ever after.
Then stepped briskly on the platform a stout, bald-headed man.We greeted him with enthusiasm--it was the local low comedian.The piano tinkled saucily.The self-confident man winked and opened wide his mouth.It was a funny song; how we roared with laughter! The last line of each verse was the same:
"And that's what it's like when you're married.""Before it was 'duckie,' and 'darling,' and 'dear.' Now it's 'Take your cold feet away, Brute! can't you hear?'
"Once they walked hand in hand: 'Me loves ickle 'oo.' Now he strides on ahead" (imitation with aid of umbrella much appreciated;the bald-headed man, in his enthusiasm and owing to the smallness of the platform, sweeping the lady accompanist off her stool), "bawling:
'Come along, do.'"
The bald-headed man interspersed side-splitting patter.The husband comes home late; the wife is waiting for him at the top of the stairs with a broom.He kisses the servant-girl.She retaliates by discovering a cousin in the Guards.
The comic man retired to an enthusiastic demand for an encore.Ilooked around me at the laughing faces.Miss Butcher had been compelled to stuff her handkerchief into her mouth.Mr.Tinker was wiping his eyes; he was not ashamed this time, they were tears of merriment.Mrs.Apothecary's motherly bosom was shaking like a jelly.The Colonel was grinning from ear to ear.
Later on, as I noticed in the programme, the schoolmistress, an unmarried lady, was down to sing "Darby and Joan." She has a sympathetic voice.Her "Darby and Joan" is always popular.The comic man would also again appear in the second part, and would oblige with (by request) "His Mother-in-Law."So the quaint comedy continues: To-night we will enjoy Romeo and Juliet, for to-morrow we have seats booked for The Pink Domino.
[What the Gipsy did not mention.]
"Won't the pretty lady let the poor old gipsy tell her fortune?"Blushes, giggles, protestations.Gallant gentleman friend insists.
A dark man is in love with pretty lady.Gipsy sees a marriage not so very far ahead.Pretty lady says "What nonsense!" but looks serious.
Pretty lady's pretty friends must, of course, be teasing.Gallant gentleman friend, by curious coincidence, happens to be dark.Gipsy grins and passes on.
Is that all the gipsy knows of pretty lady's future? The rheumy, cunning eyes! They were bonny and black many years ago, when the parchment skin was smooth and fair.They have seen so many a passing show--do they see in pretty lady's hand nothing further?