My dear Michael,
I am surprised at your note just received. I never meant you to read my letter the way you did. Never suggested that you were not straight in anyone of the things you suggested. I’m afraid you took the letter all wrong.
I am very sorry if I have offended you, or made you unhappy by that letter—and really you probably won’t believe me, but it was never intended① as such. I can’t remember the letter exactly now, but am quite sure that when writing it, I didn’t feel those things. As I do now, always so did. You are everything to me, and surely you know it. Then why should I want to hurt you?No, you misjudge② me. It was a misunderstanding, the whole thing, and I am sorry. Please forget it and remember that I am always thinking of you. You are never out of my heart. I feel very sad and unhappy today since I got your note. Do hope that my next one will cheer you, and have a different effect. Will be more careful next time what I write!My letters are slow going. Wrote on Mondy, you should have it Tuesday night.
It worries me and it is always worrying that you have so much to do. Is there no remedy③?I wish I were near you nose. Come for the weekend. Ah, do. This weekend. Couldn’t be done?How I’d love it. Ah, yes, try, try. You will come. Just send a note Friday that you are coming Saturday.
I wrote you, or tried to write you a nice letter yesterday. Hope it will please you and help lighten④ the heavy load.
This is my morning in shop. Then I go over in the evening in such bad humor to try to wash my hair for the night, sew my long frock etc. Your note has upset it all. But I’ll go to the dance. That’s what you would like me to do, isn’t it?But this doesn’t say I’ll enjoy it. You, of course, will be near all the time. I’ll feel that I’ll want to talk of you always, but it might bore other men?That isn’t the way to get partners at a Ball!So I’ll just have to put my best foot forward if I want to dance. Had a nice little note come from you, I’d be in great form going. Larry is motoring me.
I wish that you were here, and please make it up with me and don’t be vexed. Send me a wire if you have time. I’ll know by it that all is well.
Can’t you be more kind to yourself as regards work, and have more sleep and air. You never hint how things are going over there, but suppose it’s hard to tell.
I went to bed early last night and prayed for you. Was the letter awful that you destroyed?Did you say goodbye to me for good. I’d forgive you if you did it just in a fit⑤. Write and say we are as great as ever. Your letter today was not like you, nor like the lovely ones that I got before.
If my letter written on Monday night displeases you, it was partly Dr Mac M’s fault. He tried to tease me all the time, firing things at me while I was writing it. I got into a temper.
Goodbye with my love and a big kiss(if you’ll have it).
Yours ever,
Kit
① intendv. 想要,打算
② misjudgev. 判断错误,轻视
③ remedyn. 治疗,治疗法,药物
④ lightenv. 使光明,照亮
⑤ fitn. (感情等的)突发,(活动等的)一阵紧张
基蒂·吉尔南致未婚夫
我亲爱的迈克尔:
我对刚刚收到的你的那封短笺感到吃惊。我并没有想让你用那种方式读我的信。我从来没有认为你对你所提及的任何一件事有不坦率之处。恐怕你把我的信全部理解错了。
如果我的那封信伤害了你或者使你不快,对此我十分抱歉——也许你真的不相信我,但我的确没有那种意图。现在我无法确切地记起那封信,但我十分肯定,当我写那封信时,我并没有那些感觉。如同现在,过去也一直是如此,你是我的一切,肯定你也知道这一点。那么我为什么要伤害你呢?不,你误解了我。整个这一切都是误解,我很抱歉。请你忘记这一切并记住我一直想着你。你从来都没有不在我心里。今天,自从收到你的短笺,我感到非常伤心,很不愉快。真希望我的下一封信能使你快乐,产生一种不同的效果。下次我一定会对我写的信更小心一些!我的信走得很慢。星期一写的信,你本该在星期二晚上就能收到。
你要做的事那么多使我很担心,而且你总是有那么多的事要做,这也总是令人担心。没有别的补救办法吗?真希望我就在你的身旁。你周末过来吧。啊,一定过来,这个周末。难道不行吗?我多么希望你来啊。啊,是的,争取来,争取来。你会来的。星期五寄封短笺给我,告诉我星期六你要来。
我昨天给你写了一封好信,或者说试图给你写了一封好信。希望它能使你快乐,并且帮助你减轻你那沉重的负担。
现在是上午,我正在商店里。晚上我将带着这种很糟糕的情绪,为参加夜晚的活动洗整头发,缝制我的长上衣,等等。你的短笺搅乱了这一切。但我还是要去参加舞会。这是你希望我做的事,对吗?但这并不是说我喜欢参加舞会。当然,你随时都会陪伴在我身旁。我感到我总是想谈及你,但这是否会使其他男士感到厌烦?那可不是在舞会上找舞伴的方法!所以如果我想跳舞,我就不得不全力以赴。如果能从你那里得到一张小小的令人欣慰的字条,我就会兴高采烈地离去。拉里为我开车。
真希望你现在就在这儿,请和我重归于好吧,不要再烦恼了。如果你有时间,给我发个电报。我从电报中将会知道你一切都很好。
你就不能少干一点儿工作吗?应该多睡一点儿,多呼吸些新鲜空气。你从来没有透露过那边的情况如何,但我猜想,也许一切难以预料。
我昨晚很早就睡觉了,并且为你做了祈祷。我的那封信太糟了,你把它毁了吗?你对我说永别了吗?如果你是在发怒的时候那样做的,我会原谅你的。写信告诉我,我们和以前一样好。你今天的这封短信,不像你,也不像我过去收到的那些可爱的信。
如果我星期一晚上写的那封信使你不愉快,那么,有一部分是麦克马医生的错。我写信时,他一直在揶揄我,批评指责我。我发脾气了。
再见!带着我的爱和深深的吻(如果你愿意接受)。
永远属于你的,
基蒂