THE SCHWEIN-GENERAL
1.EVERY morning，at half-past five o‘clock，I hear，as I am dressing，the sudden blast of an immense wooden horn，from which always proceed the same four notes.I have got quite accustomed to this wild sound，and the vibration has scarcely subsided；it is still ringing among the distant hills，when，leisurely proceeding from almost every door in the street，behold a pig！Some，from their jaded，care-worn，dragged appearance，are evidently leaving behind them a numerous litter；others are great，tall，monastic-looking creatures，which seem to have no other object left in this wretched world than to become bacon；while others are thin，tiny，light-hearted，brisk，petulant piglings，with the world and all its loves and sorrows before them.Of their own accord these creatures proceed down the street to join the herdsman，who occasionally continues to repeat the sorrowful blast from his horn.
2.Gregarious，or naturally fond of society，with one curl in their tails，and with their noses almost touching the ground，the pigs trot on，grunting to themselves and to their comrades，halting only whenever they come to any thing they can manage to swallow.I have observed that the old ones pass all the carcasses，which，trailing to the ground，are hanging before the butchers’shops，as if they were on a sort of bond of honor not to touch them；the middle-aged ones wistfully eye this meat，yet jog on also；while the piglings，that （so like①Schwein；pronounced swine，is the German for swine.Schwein-General means swine leader. mankind）have more appetite than judgment，can rarely resist taking a nibble；yet，no sooner does the dead calf begin again to move，than from the window immediately above out pops the head of a butcher，who，drinking his coffee，whip in hand，inflicts a prompt punishment，sounding quite equal to the offense.
3.As I have stated，the pigs，generally speaking，proceed of their own accord；but shortly after they have passed，there comes down our street a little bareheaded，barefooted，stunted dab of a child，about eleven years old；a Flibbertigibbet sort of creature，which，in a drawing，one would express by a couple of blots；the small one for her head，the other for her body；while streaming from the latter there would be a long line ending in a flourish，to express the immense whip which the child carries in her hand.This little goblin page，the whipper-in attendant or aid-de-camp of the old pig-driver，facetiously called “Schwein-general，”is a being no one looks at，and who looks at nobody.
4.Whether the inns of Schwalbach are full of strangers or empty；whether the promenades are occupied by princes or peasants；whether the weather be good or bad，hot or rainy，she apparently never stops to consider；upon such vague subjects，it is evident，she never for a moment has reflected.But such a pair of eyes for a pig，have perhaps seldom beamed from human sockets.The little intelligent urchin knows every house from which a pig ought to have proceeded；she can tell by the door being open or shut，and even by foot-marks，whether the creature has joined the herd，or whether，having overslept itself，it is still snoring in its sty：a single glance determines whether she shall pass a yard or enter it；and if a pig，from indolence or greediness，be loitering on the road，the sting of the wasp can not be sharper or more spiteful than the cut she gives it.As soon as，finishing with one street，she joins her general in the main road，the herd slowly proceed down the town.
5.Besides the little girl who brought up the rear，the herd was preceded by a boy about fourteen，whose duty it was not to let theforemost，the most enterprising，or，in other words，the most empty pig，advance too fast.In the middle of the drove，surrounded like a shepherd by his flock，slowly stalked the “Schwein-general，”a wan，spectral-looking old man，worn out，or nearly so，by the arduous and every-day duty of conducting，against their wills，a gang of exactly the most obstinate animals in creation.A single glance at his jaundiced，ill-natured countenance，was sufficient to satisfy one that his temper had been soured by the vexatious contrarieties and “untoward events”it had met with.