Critics regard Straus’s vision as impractical, but a number of them still consider his insights valuable. “The reality is we’re all human,” says Mark Wolraich, professor of pediatrics at Vanderbilt University and the father of three kids. “The occasional outburst should not be called abuse, but that’s not to say it isn’t inappropriate.” Wolraich contends that while laws are not the key to a violence-free, psychologically healthy upbringing, education is. Pediatricians and other public-health advocates, he argues, should teach parents to concentrate on nurturing more-gentle relationships with children. While parents are establishing a bond with a child during baseball outings and backyard games, for example, they can set a tone of enduring love and affection that will mitigate the consequences of the occasional future eruption.
To be sure, spoken fury doesn’t affect only the children. Parents might also profit from eliminating the rants. When you lose your temper with your kids, you feel bad-you often feel worse than they feel.
家长们有一句至理名言,每个孩子心中都很明白,那就是,其他人都这么做,这并不是说你也应该这么做。无论是在操场上,还是在聚会上,小家伙们每当要作出选择时,这句咒语般的话就会在耳边回响。但是,这句忠告显然家长们更需要。
新罕布什尔大学家庭问题研究实验所的一位负责人、社会学家默里·斯特劳斯的一项新研究表明,每当孩子违反了纪律,许许多多的家长就忍不住要大发脾气。他提醒说:“家长们绝对不可呵斥和叫喊,也不可用伤人的话责骂孩子。”然而对991名家长进行的调查结果表明,几乎所有的美国人都这样做,不论他们的种族、年龄或社会经济地位如何。这种口头斥责在孩子很小的时候就开始了。有一半的家长曾对婴儿大声叫嚷或生气地呵斥。孩子长到7岁时,98%的父母都难以控制对孩子出语伤人。有时家长的凶劲简直让人吃惊。1/5的家长曾威胁要把孩子踢出家门,1/4的家长曾经咒骂过子女。
斯特劳斯警告说,这种经历会对孩子有严重的影响。他在美国社会学联合会召开的会议上提交了这项研究结果。他的早期研究将父母的言语攻击与孩子的精神疾病联系起来;其他的一些研究也表明,家长的言语狂暴,会提高孩子形成青少年犯罪、抑郁,甚至暴食的可能性。
有些国家已颁布了法律,禁止家长采取会致使孩子精神痛苦的惩戒行为;斯特劳斯认为这是值得效法的。瑞典是第一个颁布此类法令的国家,它于1979年正式颁布的法令不仅禁止殴打而且还禁止任何“羞辱”孩子的行为。瑞典人还在牛奶盒上、公共电视节目中,以及学校里宣传这些规定。奥地利、丹麦和以色列等其他许多国家都纷纷效仿。上个月德国也加入了保护行列,正式宣布保障儿童在无精神伤害的非暴力环境中成长的权利。
批评家们觉得斯特劳斯的观点不实际,但其中有些人仍然认为他的见解是有价值的。范德比尔特大学儿科学教授马克·沃尔雷奇(3个孩子的父亲)说:“现实是,我们都是人。偶尔的情绪爆发不应叫做虐待,但并不是说这样做是适当的。”他认为,营造一个没有暴力、心理健康的成长环境的关键不是法律,而是教育。他说,儿科学家和其他倡导公共健康的人士,应该教导家长们注意与孩子建立较为温和融洽的关系。举例来说,当家长和孩子一起外出打棒球或进行户外活动建立感情联系时,可以营造一种持久的充满关爱的气氛,这对将来可能发生冲突的后果能够起到缓解作用。
当然,言语狂暴影响的不仅仅是孩子。改掉大声叫骂的习惯,家长们也会受益。每当你对孩子发脾气时,自己的感觉并不好,而且经常比孩子的感觉更糟。
Real Knowledge Comes From Practice实践才能出真知
One day, a colt took a bag of wheat to the mill.
As he was running with the bag on his back, he came to a small river. The colt could not decide whether he could cross it. Looking around, he saw a cow grazing nearby. He asked, “Aunt Cow, could you tell me if I can cross the river?” The cow told him that he could and that the river was not very deep, just knee high.
the colt was crossing the river when a squirrel jumped down a tree and stopped him. The squirrel shouted, “Colt, stop! You’ll drown! One of my friends drowned just yesterday in the river.” Not knowing what to do, the colt went home to consult his mom.
He told his mom his experience on the way. His mother said, “My child, don’t always listen to others. You’d better go and try yourself. Then you’ll know what to do.”
Later, at the river, the squirrel stopped the colt again. “Little horse, it’s too dangerous!”
“No, I want to try myself”, answered the colt. Then he crossed the river carefully.
On the other side of the river, the colt realized that the river was neither as shallow as the cow said nor as deep as the squirrel told him.
You see, real knowledge comes from practice.
一天,小马驮着麦子去磨坊。
当他驮着口袋向前跑去时,突然发现一条小河挡住了去路。小马为难了,这可怎么办呢?它向四周望了望,看见一头奶牛在河边吃草。小马问道:“牛阿姨,请您告诉我,这条河我能趟过去吗?”奶牛回答说:“水很浅,刚到膝盖。”
小马正准备过河,突然丛树上跳下一只松鼠,拦住它大叫道:“小马,别过河!你会被淹死的。昨天,我的一个伙伴就在这条河里淹死啦!”小马不知如何是好,于是决定回家问问妈妈。
小马把路上的经历告诉了妈妈。妈妈说:“孩子,光听别人说是不行的,你自己亲自去试一试,就知道答案了。”
小马回到河边,刚要下水,松鼠又大叫起来:“小马,你不要命啦?”
小马说:“让我自己试试吧。”它一面回答一面下了河,小心地趟了过去。原来河水既不像老牛说的那样浅也不像松鼠说的那样深。
这下明白了吧,实践才能出真知。
Do Some Majors Have a Gender Bias?某些专业有性别偏见吗 ?
Some majors attract more women, and some attract more men. Perhaps it’s genetically predisposed or a result of gender-biased education. As a journalism major at Temple University, the majority of my classmates were women. It wasn’t an overwhelming percentage, but close to 65% .
The curriculum was challenging,and the professors were all lifers in the journalism field. From the basic introductory classes to the upper-level courses, each professor pushed for higher-quality writing, more attention to accuracy and detail, and a healthy respect for the grammar police.
By my senior year, I had forged close relationships with the professors in the department. I was a conscientious student. I completed my homework on the subway, and sometimes in the few minutes before class started, usually with an A result every time.
One of my professors had conferences with each student to discuss their strengths and weaknesses, and my conference was nothing but a glowing review. I was asked to tutor other students and I gladly complied. Someone in the journalism department had decided that I was the most promising student. I’m not sure which professor, but I had a guardian angel.