She smiled and cautiously stepped toward me. Just as she came close enough， she stopped， looked me in the eye， and slowly folded her arms behind her back as if to show solidarity with my lack of limbs. Then she inched forward a little more and placed her head on my shoulder， hugging me with her neck just as she‘d seen me hug others. Everyone in the room was struck by this little girl’s incredible display of empathy for me. I‘ve been hugged many times， but I can honestly say I’ll never forget that hug， because this tiny child obviously has an amazing gift for relating to the feelings of others. Empathy is a great gift. I encourage you to practice and share it at every opportunity because it heals those who give， as well as those who receive. When you are confronted with hard times， tragedies， or challenges， instead of looking inward， look to those around you. Instead of feeling wounded and seeking pity， find someone with greater wounds and help them heal. Understand that your grief or pain is legitimate， but suffering is part of the human condition， and reaching out to someone else is a way of healing yourself while helping others heal too.
My friend Gabe Murfitt understands this as well as anybody I know. We met when I spoke at the Gather4Him fundraising dinner in Richland， Washington， in 2009. Gabe was born with malformed legs and arms that are just three inches long. His thumbs have no bones in them， and he has a hearing impairment. Somehow， he still manages to be extremely active， playing baseball， basketball， and hockey， jumping rope， and banging away on the drums， among other things.
Gabe， who grew up near Seattle， has an indomitable spirit as well as great empathy. Now a college student at Washington State University， he began playing Little League baseball at the age of . He once climbed Mount Rainier with a group of friends and family members supporting him. Though he had his own challenges in high school， he began reaching out to other students to inspire them by giving his “CLEAR” speeches on courage， leadership， excellence， attitude， and respect. He and his family created a nonprofit organization to help others with disabilities. Gabriel‘s Foundation of HOPE （http：//www.GabesHope.org） provides scholarships and grants as well as encouragement as a result of Gabe’s amazing empathy.
Do you see the power in Gabe‘s attitude of empathy？ He took the focus off his challenge and reached out to others. He transformed the challenge of his disabilities into a mission of empathy， enriching his life and those of countless others.
I often am amazed at the way people react to me when I journey into regions of stark poverty and great suffering. I always find men， women， and children who have incredible compassion. Not long ago I was in Cambodia， rushing to get back to my hotel after a long meeting in stifling heat and humidity that made me feel faint. I just wanted to take a shower and sleep for a day or two in an air-conditioned room.
“Nick， before we go， would you mind speaking with this child？” my host said. “He has been waiting outside for you all day.”
The boy， smaller than me， was alone， sitting in the dirt. Flies swarmed about him in such numbers that they formed a dark cloud. He had a gaping and deep wound or sore on his head. One of his eyes appeared to be popping out. He smelled of decay and filth. Yet there was such compassion in his eyes， so much love and sympathy—for me—that this child put me completely at ease.
He walked up close to me in my stroller chair and gently put his head against my cheek， trying to soothe me. This boy looked as though he hadn’t eaten for days. He appeared to be an orphan who‘d suffered greatly. Yet he wanted to express his empathy for what he imagined was my suffering. I was so touched by him that tears flowed.
I asked our hosts if there was anything we could do for this boy， and they promised me that they would see that he was fed， cared for， and given a place to sleep， but after thanking him and returning to our vehicle， I honestly could not stop crying. I could not think straight for the rest of the day. I could not get over the fact that here was this boy whom I’d felt sorry for， but he wasn‘t focused on his suffering. Instead， he had compassion for me.
I don’t know what that child had gone through or how difficult his life was. But I can tell you this： his attitude was amazing because despite all his problems， he still had the ability to reach out and comfort others. What a gift to have such empathy and compassion！
When you feel victimized or self-pitying， I encourage you to adjust your attitude to one of empathy. Reach out to someone else in need. Offer a hand. Volunteer at a shelter. Serve as a guide or a mentor. Use your grief or anger or hurt to help you better understand and ease the pain of someone else.
4. An Attitude of Forgiveness