My decision to become more self-sufficient， as much as any concern， was a matter of self-preservation. Laura reminded me that I was still dependent on the kindness and patience of others. I knew that I could not always be so reliant on that. And pride played into it too.
I am fully capable of having a family one day， and I would never want my wife to have to carry me around. I want to have kids and be a good father and a good provider too， so I thought， I need to get out of this wheelchair.
Fear can be your foe， but in this case I made it my friend. I announced to my parents that I wanted to find ways to care for myself. They were， of course， worried at first.
“You don‘t have to do that. We’ll make sure you‘re always cared for，” they said.
“Mum， Dad， I must do this for you and for me， so let’s put our heads together and figure this out，” I said.
And we did. In some ways our creative efforts reminded me of the old Swiss Family Robinson movie. Stranded on an island， they all pitch in and devise amazing gadgets for bathing， cooking， and surviving. I know no man is an island， especially a man with no arms and no legs. Maybe I was more like a peninsula， or an isthmus.
My mum the nurse and my dad the handyman first came up with a method for me to shower and shampoo my hair. Dad replaced the round knobs on the shower with levers that I could move with my shoulders. Then mum brought home a hands-free soap dispenser with a foot pump， used by doctors prepping for surgery. We adapted it so I could use it to pump soap and shampoo by stepping on it.
Then my dad and I came up with a design for a plastic holder to mount on the wall for an electric toothbrush. I could turn it on and off by pressing a switch and then brush my teeth by moving back and forth.
I told my parents that I wanted to be able to dress myself， so my mum made shorts with a Velcro strip that I could slip in and out of by myself. Shirt buttons have always been a challenge for me， so we found shirts that I could slip on and off by throwing them over my head and wriggling into them.
My major fear had sent the three of us on a mission that was both challenging and fun as we invented ways for me to be more independent. Remote controls， cell phones， computer keyboards， and remote garage-door openers are a blessing for me because I can operate them with my foot.
Some of the solutions we came up with weren‘t exactly high tech. I learned how to turn off our home security alarm using my nose to push the buttons， and I used a golf club wedged between my chin and neck to turn on the lights and open some of the windows in the house.
I won’t go into great detail on it， for obvious reasons， but we also devised some ingenious methods that allowed me to use the rest-room by myself. You can see some of our methods and devices on this YouTube video： http：//www.youtube.com/watch？v=0DxlJWJ_ WfA. Be assured， there is no restroom footage.
I am thankful for Laura‘s little talk with me about my dignity， and I’m thankful for my youthful fear of being dependent and a burden on my family because it motivated me to become more independent. Mastering even routine tasks that others take for granted did wonders for my self-confidence， but I might never have pushed myself to do it if not for some potentially negative emotions that I turned into positive energy.
You can do the same. Tap the energy generated by your fears of failure or rejection or similar fears， and use it to power positive action that puts you closer to your dream.
FEAR FRAMED
You can also counter fears that might paralyze you by fighting them with fear itself. Think of your biggest fear. Let‘s say it’s a fear of getting up in front of a huge audience and forgetting your speech. That‘s one I can identify with. Go ahead， visualize the very worst happening： you forget your speech and they boo you off the stage. Got that image？ Okay. Next， visualize yourself giving your speech so well that the audience gives you a standing ovation.
Now， make the choice to go with the second scenario and lock it into your mind so that every time you prepare to speak， you move past your fear of the boos and go right to the standing ovation. It works for me， and it can work for you.