书城外语发现花未眠
1873800000005

第5章 让心灵去旅行 (5)

但是,想到人类所谓的宏伟抱负到头来不过是虚幻一场,我不禁要嘲笑他们:如今这些英雄七零八落地挤在这尘土之中,想当初他们在世时,整个帝国都不曾让他们满足,而死后只是在这个吝啬的地方一个阴暗的角落,分得了一点点贫瘠的土地。过去,他们试图让人们永远铭记他们的名字,并世世代代瞻仰他们,如今人们却在他们的坟墓上想方设法地雕刻出各种形状和花纹——而这么做只是为了吸引游客们不?意瞥来的目光,免得人们过不了几年就把他们显赫一时的名字抛到脑后了。

??

我仍然顺着这条路走过一座座坟墓、一所所礼拜堂。天色慢慢地暗了下来,从远处传来的游客的脚步声也越来越稀少了。动听的铃声提醒着人们晚祷的时间到了,我远远就能看见唱诗班的人们穿着白色的法衣穿过走廊纷纷就位。我站在亨利七世礼拜堂的入口处,走过大堂前的几层台阶,然后穿过一道昏暗却雄伟的长拱门。巨大的í门上雕满了精细华丽的花纹,门上的铰链发出沉重的响声,一副傲气十足的样子,似乎是不让这些凡夫俗子进入这最豪华的灵堂。

进入大堂内,里面华丽的建筑和精美的雕刻简直让人目不暇接。墙上每一个地方都布满了精巧的装饰,里面镶嵌着雕花窗格,拼成一座座壁龛,其中塞满了圣人和殉难者的雕像。炉火纯青的雕凿技术把石头雕刻得几乎看不出它本来的重量和密度,像被施了魔法似的吊在半空中。还有那屋顶,装饰着无比精巧美丽的花纹,好像是一张牢不可破的蛛网那样悬在半空中。

在礼拜堂的两侧,设有巴斯武士高大的坐席,它们全部用橡木雕凿得富贵华丽,上面还有哥特式建筑的怪异装饰。武士的头盔、绶带和佩剑被摆放在坐席的顶端。在这些物品的上方悬挂着武士的旗帜,上面装饰着纹章,这些金色、紫色和大红色耀眼夺目,与精雕细凿的灰暗屋顶形成鲜明的对比。在这个宏伟大厅的正中间,就是这座陵墓的主人——亨利七世的坟墓,他和皇后的雕像躺在一块豪华的墓石上,周围环绕着铸炼精细的黄í栅栏。

这种奢华瑰丽的气氛,却让人有种阴沉压抑的感觉:这是一个混合了坟墓和战利品的怪异场合,这些标志象征着朝气蓬勃和雄心壮志,如今却被摆放在满是灰尘和被人遗忘的纪念物中间,而所有的一切最终也会消逝在这些尘埃和遗忘之中。走在这个曾?热闹繁华而如今孤寂苍凉的地方,心中涌起一种无法言说的落寞感受。环视周围武士和他们的侍从们空空如也的座位,看着飘扬在他们面前的一排排布满了灰尘却依然锦绣华丽的军旗,我不禁想象昔日的盛况:全国上下的英雄和美人都云集在这宽敞明亮的大厅里,这里因为有了这些珠光宝气的仕女和英武的武士行列而è璨生辉;不绝于耳的脚步声和赞扬声在整个大厅回荡。而这一切突然就消失不见了,重新恢复到这死气沉沉的寂静,除了偶尔几声小鸟的鸣叫。连鸟儿都驻扎在这所礼拜堂,并把它们的巢穴建造在梁柱之间——由此可见,这里是多么的荒凉和寂寞。

我读着旗子上刺绣的人名,这些人曾?被派驻到各个地方,有的远渡重洋,有的征战他乡,有的在宫廷与内阁的阴谋中纠缠,但他们有个共同的愿望——使自己的名声在这所阴暗的墓堂中得到更多的表彰——也就是一块阴郁的纪念碑。

在礼拜堂的两侧设有小型的侧堂——这样做的目的是为了明示这座墓地的平等观念:它把压迫者和被压迫者放在同一个地位,让世代夙敌的遗骸相聚在一起。其中的一个侧堂是那位傲慢的伊丽莎白之墓,而另外一个则是那可爱又可怜的被她杀死了的玛丽之墓。对于后者,每一天里的每个时刻都会有人来悲怜叹息她凄惨的命运,在这声声叹息中也包含了对前者的愤?。于是,在伊丽莎白墓地周围的墙壁上,就?常回荡着人们同情玛丽的声音。

一种怪异阴郁的气氛笼罩在埋葬着玛丽的那个侧堂之上。阳光透过布满灰尘的窗户照射进来,一切都是这么幽暗,大部分地方都被黑暗的阴影笼罩着,岁月和气候在墙壁上留下了痕迹。一座玛丽的大理石雕像躺在碑石上面,四周的铁栅栏锈迹斑斑,上面还雕刻着她的国徽——苏格兰的蓟花。我已?走得有点儿累了,于是坐在纪念碑下歇息,脑海里便不由自主地想起玛丽坎坷不幸的一生。

教堂里零零落落的脚步声渐渐地消失了,我的耳边偶尔传来远处修士们的晚祷声和唱诗班轻柔的应答声。当所有这些声音都平息后,整个教堂也沉静下来。平静、荒凉和幽暗慢慢地靠近,使人们对这个地方产生了一种更加深邃和庄严的感情。

在寂静的墓地里没有说话的声音,

没有朋友们轻快的脚步声,没有情侣们呼唤的声音,

也没有细心的父亲忠诚的告诫——什么都听不到,

因为一切都是虚无,一切都被遗忘,

只有尘土和无际的黑暗。

夜宿松林

A Night Among the Pines

[英国]罗伯特·路易斯·史蒂文/Robert Louis Stevenson

A faint wind,more like a moving coolness than a stream of air, passed down the glade from time to time; so that even in my great chamber the air was being renewed all night long. I thought with horror of the inn at Chasserades and the congregated nightcaps; with horror of the nocturnal prowesses of clerks and students, of hot theatres and pass-keys and close rooms. I have not often enjoyed a more serene possession of myself, nor felt more independent of material aids. The outer world, from which we cower into our houses, seemed after all a gentle habitable place; and night after night a man' s bed, it seemed, was laid and waiting for him in the fields, where God keeps an open house. I thought I had rediscovered one of those truths which are revealed to savages and hid from political economists: at the least, I had discovered a new pleasure for myself. And yet even while I was exulting in my solitude I became aware of a strange lack. I wished a companion to lie near me in the starlight, silent and not moving, but ever within touch. For there is a fellowship more quiet even than solitude, and which, rightly understood, is solitude made perfect. And to live out of doors with the woman a man loves is of all lives the most complete and free.

As I thus lay, between content and longing, a faint noise stole towards me through the pines. I thought, at first, it was the crowing of cocks or the barking of dogs at some very distant farm; but steadily and gradually it took articulate shape in my ears, until I became aware that a passenger was going by upon the highroad in the valley, and singing loudly as he went. There was more of good-will than grace in his performance; but he trolled with ample lungs; and the sound of his voice took hold upon the hillside and set the air shaking in the leafy glens. I have heard people passing by night in sleeping cities; some of them sang; one, I remember, played loudly on the bagpipes. I have heard the rattle of a cart or carriage spring up suddenly after hours of stillness, and pass, for some minutes, within the range of my hearing as I lay abed. There is a romance about all who are abroad in the black hours, and with something of a thrill we try to guess their business. But here the romance was double: first, this glad passenger, lit internally with wine, who sent up his voice in music through the night; and then I, on the other hand, buckled into my sack, and smoking alone in the pine-woods between four and five thousand feet towards the stars.

偶尔穿过林中空地,一缕微风袭来,我感到这不像是一股气流,倒更像一阵流动的凉意。由于这流动的凉意,即便在我这么宽敞的卧室里,空气整晚也都不停地流动。一想起切斯雷德的那个小旅馆和睡帽云集的场景,我便感到恐惧;我还害怕职员和学生们夜间吵闹的威力,害怕那热气熏天的剧院,害怕万能钥匙和密集的客房。我很少自己待在这般安详静谧的环境中,也很少超脱于物欲世界之外。屋外的世界——尽管我们从野外钻回各自的家——最终却还像个温暖舒适的住处;上帝在旷野中维护着一间敞开的房屋,一夜又一夜,铺好了床,期待着人们的光临。我想自己又体会到了一个真理,一个野蛮人知道但不为政治?济学家所知的真理:至少我找到了一种新的自我娱乐。然而在我兴高采烈地享受寂寞独处的同时,又感到一种莫名其妙的缺憾。在这星空下,我希望有位伴侣陪伴在我身边,默然相对。要知道,有一种相随,比孤独还要来得平静,如果正确地理解,那就是孤独创造完美。在各种各样的生活方式中,最完整、最自由的生活就是与自己心爱的女人在野外生活。