Now and then a good and dear Joe Twichell or Susy Warner condoles with me and says "Cheer up--don't be downhearted," and some other friend says, "I am glad and surprised to see how cheerful you are and how bravely you stand it"--and none of them suspect what a burden has been lifted from me and how blithe I am inside.Except when I think of you, dear heart--then I am not blithe; for I seem to see you grieving and ashamed, and dreading to look people in the face.For in the thick of the fight there is cheer, but you are far away and cannot hear the drums nor see the wheeling squadrons.You only seem to see rout, retreat, and dishonored colors dragging in the dirt--whereas none of these things exist.There is temporary defeat, but no dishonor--and we will march again.Charley Warner said to-day, "Sho, Livy isn't worrying.So long as she's got you and the children she doesn't care what happens.She knows it isn't her affair." Which didn't convince me.
Good bye my darling, I love you and all of the kids--and you can tell Clara I am not a spitting gray kitten.
SAML.
Clemens sailed for Europe as soon as his affairs would permit him to go.He must get settled where he could work comfortably.Type-setter prospects seemed promising, but meantime there was need of funds.
He began writing on the ship, as was his habit, and had completed his article on Fenimore Cooper by the time he reached London.In August we find him writing to Mr.Rogers from Etretat, a little Norman watering-place.
To H.H.Rogers, in New York:
ETRETAT, (NORMANDIE)
CHALET DES ABRIS)
Aug.25, '94.
DEAR MR.ROGERS,--I find the Madam ever so much better in health and strength.The air is superb and soothing and wholesome, and the Chalet is remote from noise and people, and just the place to write in.I shall begin work this afternoon.
Mrs.Clemens is in great spirits on, account of the benefit which she has received from the electrical treatment in Paris and is bound to take it up again and continue it all the winter, and of course I am perfectly willing.She requires me to drop the lecture platform out of my mind and go straight ahead with Joan until the book is finished.If I should have to go home for even a week she means to go with me--won't consent to be separated again--but she hopes I won't need to go.
I tell her all right, "I won't go unless you send, and then I must."She keeps the accounts; and as she ciphers it we can't get crowded for money for eight months yet.I didn't know that.But I don't know much anyway.
Sincerely yours, S.L.CLEMENS.
The reader may remember that Clemens had written the first half of his Joan of Arc book at the Villa Viviani, in Florence, nearly two years before.He had closed the manuscript then with the taking of Orleans, and was by no means sure that he would continue the story beyond that point.Now, however, he was determined to reach the tale's tragic conclusion.
To H.H.Rogers, in New York:
ETRETAT, Sunday, Sept.9, '94.
DEAR MR.ROGERS, I drove the quill too hard, and I broke down--in my head.It has now been three days since I laid up.When I wrote you a week ago I had added 10,000 words or thereabout to Joan.Next day Iadded 1,500 which was a proper enough day's work though not a full one;but during Tuesday and Wednesday I stacked up an aggregate of 6,000words--and that was a very large mistake.My head hasn't been worth a cent since.
However, there's a compensation; for in those two days I reached and passed--successfully--a point which I was solicitous about before I ever began the book: viz., the battle of Patay.Because that would naturally be the next to the last chapter of a work consisting of either two books or one.In the one case one goes right along from that point (as I shall do now); in the other he would add a wind-up chapter and make the book consist of Joan's childhood and military career alone.
I shall resume work to-day; and hereafter I will not go at such an intemperate' rate.My head is pretty cobwebby yet.
I am hoping that along about this time I shall hear that the machine is beginning its test in the Herald office.I shall be very glad indeed to know the result of it.I wish I could be there.
Sincerely yours S.L.CLEMENS.
Rouen, where Joan met her martyrdom, was only a short distance away, and they halted there en route to Paris, where they had arranged to spend the winter.The health of Susy Clemens was not good, and they lingered in Rouen while Clemens explored the old city and incidentally did some writing of another sort.In a note to Mr.
Rogers he said: "To put in my odd time I am writing some articles about Paul Bourget and his Outre-Mer chapters--laughing at them and at some of our oracular owls who find them important.What the hell makes them important, I should like to know!"He was still at Rouen two weeks later and had received encouraging news from Rogers concerning the type-setter, which had been placed for trial in the office of the Chicago Herald.Clemens wrote: "Ican hardly keep from sending a hurrah by cable.I would certainly do it if I wasn't superstitious." His restraint, though wise, was wasted the end was near.
To H.H.Rogers, in New York:
169 RUE DE L'UNIVERSITE, PARIS, Dec.22; '94.
DEAR MR.ROGERS,--I seemed to be entirely expecting your letter, and also prepared and resigned; but Lord, it shows how little we know ourselves and how easily we can deceive ourselves.It hit me like a thunder-clap.
It knocked every rag of sense out of my head, and I went flying here and there and yonder, not knowing what I was doing, and only one clearly defined thought standing up visible and substantial out of the crazy storm-drift that my dream of ten years was in desperate peril, and out of the 60,000 or 90,000 projects for its rescue that came floating through my skull, not one would hold still long enough for me to examine it and size it up.Have you ever been like that? Not so much so, I reckon.
There was another clearly defined idea--I must be there and see it die.