Where Is the Father？
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintingspainting n.上油漆， 着色， 绘画， 油画 v.描绘.
“Look，” said the elder brother. “How nice these paintings are？”
“Yes，” said the younger.“but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father？”
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained.“Obviously he was painting the pictures.”
爸爸去哪儿了呢
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”
哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
The Mean Man，s Party
The notorious cheapskate explaining to a friend how to find his apartmentapartment n.(美)公寓住宅， 单元住宅， 房间，he said.“Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open，push with your foot.”
“Why use my elbowelbow n.肘 and foot？”
“Well，gosh，” was the reply.“You，re not coming emptyhanded，are you？”
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
No Cavities
A smiling boy arrived home from a dental visit，“Hey mom，the dentistdentist n.牙科医生 says I have no cavities. ”
His mom stared at him wideeyed and quite surprised，“It，s impossible -you never brush your teeth after cleaning the chocolate box before you go to bed！”
Then the boy opened his mouth -he had not a tooth left！
我没有蛀牙
小男孩儿看完牙医，面带微笑地回到家：“嘿，妈妈，牙医说，我一颗蛀牙也没有。”
妈妈惊讶地瞪大眼睛：“不可能——你每回上床睡觉前都把巧克力盒子里的糖一下子吃完，而且从来不刷牙！”
这时，男孩儿张开了嘴巴——他的牙全被拔光了。
They，re Busy
One day， the phone rang， and a little boy answered.
“ May I speak to your parents？ ”
“ They，re busy. ”
“ Oh. Is anybody else there？ ”
“ The police. ”
“ Can I speak to them？ ”
“ They，re busy. ”
“ Oh. Is anybody else there？ ”
“ The firemenfiremen n.消防员. ”
“ Can I speak to them？ ”
“ They，re busy. ”
“ So let me get this straightstraight adj.直的， 诚实的， 正直的， 率直的， 整齐的 adv.直， 直接， 一直 - your parents， the police， and the firemen are there， but they，re all busy？ What are they doing？ ”
“ Looking for me. ”
他们很忙
电话铃响了，小男孩接了电话。
“请你父母听电话好吗？”
“他们很忙。”
“噢，那家里还有其他人吗？”
“还有警察。”
“我可以和他们说话吗？”
“他们很忙。”
“那还有其他人吗？”
“还有消防员。”
“我可以和他们说话吗？”
“他们也很忙。”
“请直接告诉我——你的父母、警察和消防员都在你家，但他们都很忙，他们到底在干什么？”
“在找我。”
Who Should Be Given the Gift？
A father of five children came home with a toy，summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present，"Who is the most obedient，never talks back to Mother and does everything he or she is told？" he inquired.
There was silence，and then a choruschorus n.合唱， 合唱队， 齐声 of voices："You play with it，Daddy！"
礼物该给谁
一位有五个孩子的父亲带着一件玩具回到家里，把孩子们召集起来问这件礼物该给谁。“谁最听话，从不和妈妈顶嘴，让干什么就干什么？”他问道。大家都不吭声。过了一会儿，孩子们异口同声地说：“爸爸，您玩吧。”
Not to Be Taken Out
Mark Twain once went to borrow a certain book from a neighbour in Tarry town. "May I borrow a book from you？" he asked politely."Yes，you，re more than welcome to it，" the neighbour told him. "But I must ask you to read it here. You know I make a rule never to let any book go out of my library." Some days later the neighbour wished to borrow Twain，s machine for cutting grass in the garden. "Why，certainly，" Twain told him，"You，re more than welcome to it. But I must ask you to use it here. You know that I make it a rule never to let it go out of my garden."
概不外借
在特里镇，马克·吐温有一次去一位邻居那儿借本书。“我可以向您借本书吗？”他礼貌地问道。“当然，非常乐意，”邻居告诉他，“但我要求你在这儿读。你知道我有一条规定，那就是决不让一本书拿出我的图书室。”几天后，这位邻人想从吐温那儿借台割草机。“噢，当然，”吐温告诉他，“非常乐意借给你。但我要你在这儿用。你知道我从来不允许它拿出我的花园。”
Make Your Fortune
“How did you make your fortune？”
“I became the partner of a rich man. He had the money and I had the experience.”
“How did that help？”
“Now he has the experience and I have the money.”
发财
“你是怎么发财的？”
“我做了一个富人的合伙人，他有钱，我有经验。”
“那有什么用？”
“现在他有经验了，而我呢，则有钱了。”
The Crowded Store
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8∶30， the store，s opening time， in front of the store.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line， only to be pushed back， amidamid prep.在...中 loud and colorful curse. On the man，s second attempt， he was punched square in the jaw， and knocked around a bit， and then thrown at the end of the line again.
As he got up， he said to the person at the end of the line， “That does lt！ If they hit me one more time， I won，t open the store！”
拥挤的商店
传闻大甩卖的那天，清晨8点半商店开门之前，闻讯而来的人们就在店门口排起了长长的队伍。
一个身材矮小的人推挤着想走到队伍的前面，但在形形色色的大声咒骂中被推了回来。那个人再一次努力往前挤，结果下巴上正中一拳，又被人辱骂了一顿，然后再次被猛推到队伍的末尾。
他站起身来对排在最后的人说道：“好啊！如果他们再这样打我的话，我就不开店门了！”
It，s His Fault
Billy and Bobby were small boys. They were brothers， and they often had fights with each other.
Last Saturday their mother said to them， “I，m going to cook our lunch now. Go out and play in the garden - and be good.”
“Yes， Mummy，” the two boys answered， and they went out.
They played in the garden for half an hour， and then Billy ran into the kitchen， “Mummy， ” he said， “Bobby，s broken a window in Mrs. Allen，s house.” Mrs. Allen was one of their neighbors.
“He，s a bad boy，” his mother said. “How did he break it？”
“I threw a stone at him，” Billy answered，“and he quickly moved down.”
是他的错
比利和波比是两个小男孩。他们是兄弟，两人经常打架。
上个星期六，他们的妈妈对他们说：“我现在要做午饭了。去，到花园去玩吧，别淘气。”
“是，妈妈，”两个男孩回答，然后他们就出去了。
他们在花园里玩了半个小时，然后比利跑进了厨房。“妈妈，”他说：“波比打碎了艾伦太太家的窗玻璃。”艾伦太太是他们的邻居。
“他是个坏孩子，”他的妈妈说。“他是怎么把玻璃打碎的？”
“我朝他扔了一块石子，”比利回答：“他赶紧蹲下。”
I，m Glad
A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupilspupil n.学生， 小学生， 瞳孔 the importance of making others glad. “Now， children，” said she ， “has anyone of you ever make someone else glad？”
“Please， teacher，”said a small boy，“I，ve make someone glad yesterday.”
“Well done. Who was that？”
“My granny.”
“Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad.”
“Please， teacher， I went to see her yesterday， and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her， Granny， I，m going home， and she said， Well， I，m glad！”
我很高兴