一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，“我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗？”那位农夫回答说，“时间对猪有什么意义？”
Knows the Future
Nasreddin was cutting a branch of a tree in his garden. While he was sawing， another man passed in the street. He stopped and said，“Excuse me， but if you continue to saw that branch like that， you will fall down with it.”He said this because Nasreddin was sitting on the branch and cutting it at a place between himself and the trunk of the tree.
Nasreddin said nothing. He thought，“This is some foolish person who has no work to do and goes about telling other people what to do and what not to do.”
The man continued on his way.
Of course， after a few minutes， the branch fell and Nasreddin fell with it.
“My God！”he cried.“That man knows the future！”and he ran after him to ask how long he was going to live. But the man had gone.
预测未来
纳斯瑞丁正在修剪花园里的一个树枝。当他正在修剪的时候，另一个人路过，停下来说：“对不起，如果你继续像你那样锯树枝，你将会跌下来。”因为纳斯瑞丁正坐在树枝上，而他正在锯他自己和树干之间的那一段。
纳斯瑞丁什么也不说。他想：真是一个愚蠢的人，没有工作做，却到处告诉其他的人该做什么，不该做什么。
那个人继续走他的路了。
当然，在几分钟之后，树枝断了，纳斯瑞丁也跟着掉下来了。
“我的天啊！”他大声喊道，“那个人可以预测未来！”他立即追赶他想问自己能活多久。但是那人已经走远了。
Rich Driver
Two rich ladies were sharing a taxi and talking about the high cost of going anywhere by taxi.
One of the ladies said，“Taxis are terribly expensive these days. The owners get a lot of money for nothing.”
“Yes，”said the other lady，“and the drivers get such big tips that they soon become rich. They ought to be ashamed ofashamed of 耻于……themselves.”
One of the ladies was smoking a cigarette. After a minute or two she said to the other lady，“Can you see an ashtrayashtray n.烟灰缸 in this taxi？ There isn，t one on my side.”
“No，”said the other，“there isn，t one on this side either. Driver！ Where is the ashtray in this taxi？ Why haven，t you got one？”
The driver， who had heard everything the ladies had said， answered，“Oh， just drop the ashes on the carpet-I have a servant who comes in and cleans three days in the week！”
富有的司机
两位富有的女士正在乘坐一个出租汽车，正谈论坐出租汽车无论去何处都高昂的费用。
其中一个女士说：“出租车最近贵得可怕。出租车司机肯定不用怎么样就赚很多钱。”
“就是，”另一个女士说，“而且司机能得到那么多的小费，他们那么快就富了。他们应该对他们自己感到羞愧。”
一个女士正在抽一根香烟。一二分钟之后她对另一个女士说，“你看到出租车上的烟灰缸了吗？我身边没有。”
“没有，”另一个说，“我周围也没有。司机！出租车上的烟灰缸在哪？你为什么不弄一个？”
司机刚才听到了她们说的每件事：“哦，就把烟灰弄到地毯上吧。我还有一个仆人，每周清洗车3次！”
The Swimmer
The teacher told the class the story of a man who swam a river three times before breakfast.
Johnny laughed.
“Do you doubt that a good swimmer could do that？” asked the teacher.
“No， sir，” answered Johnny， “but I wonder why he did not swim it four times and get back to the side where his clothes were.”
游泳者
老师给同学们讲了一个小故事，说有一个人早饭前要在河里游泳，横渡三趟。
约翰尼笑了。
老师问道：“你不相信一个游泳很好的人可以做到么？”
约翰尼回答说：“不是的，先生，我是不明白他为什么不游四次，好回到他放衣服的那边。”
Go Barefoot
In secondary school， I was always selfconscious about my heightheight n.高度， 海拔， 高地(常用复数)， 顶点.
Once I was asked out by a lifeguard. I had never really stood next to him and didn，t know how tall he was， so the night of the date I took out two pairs of shoes-one with heel， one flat. I arrangedarranged vbl.安排，准备，计划 with my brother to answer the door， compare his height with my date，s and run upstairs to let me know which shoes to wear.
When doorbell rang I waited. Then my brother showed up and told me what I didn，t want to hear： “Go barefoot.”
光着脚去
中学的时候，我对自己的高度非常敏感。
一次，一位救生员约我出去。事实上，我从未和他并肩站过，因而不知道他到底有多高。因此约会那晚，我拿出两双鞋，一双高跟，一双平跟。我安排哥哥去开门，让他和救生员比比高度，再上楼告诉我应穿哪双鞋。
门铃响了，我在楼上等着。哥哥跑上楼告诉了我一个不幸的消息：“你可以光着脚去约会。”
Gallant Effort
At a dinner party a shy young man had been trying to think of something nice to say to his hostess. At last he saw his chance when she turned to him and remarked， “What a small appetiteappetite n.食欲， 胃口， 欲望， 爱好 you have tonight， Mr. Jones.”
“To sit next to you，” he replied gallantlygallantly adv.漂亮地， 献殷勤地， 勇敢地， “would cause any man to lose his appetite.”
殷勤
在一次晚餐聚会上，一位腼腆的年轻人一直在冥思苦想对女主人说一些好听的话。机会总于来了，女主人转向他说：“琼斯先生，您今晚的饭量太小了。”
“坐在您身边，”他殷勤的说道，“任何男人都会失去胃口的。”
Money and Friends
A： Which do you find more important， money or friends？
B： Friends， of course.
A： Why？
B： I can always borrow money from friends.
钱和朋友
甲：你认为钱和朋友哪一个更重要？
乙：当然是朋友。
甲：为什么？
乙：我总可以从朋友那儿借到钱。
Only a Few Words
At a court the judge is interrogatinginterrogate vt.审问， 询问 v.审问 a muggermugger n.［动］泽鳄，杀人劫财的强盗 ，but gets into difficulty， because the mugger is a foreigner who doesn，t speak English.
“Don，t you speak English at all？” the judge asks.
“Only a few words，” replies the mugger.
“What words do you know？”
“Your purse or your life！”
几个英语词
法庭上法官正审问一个抢劫犯，由于该犯是一个不会说英语的外国人，审问很困难。
“你一点英语都不会说吗？”法官问。
“我只会说几个词。”抢劫犯回答。
“你会说哪几个词？”
“你是要钱还是要命！”
Don，t Be Selfish
A mother is admonishingadmonish vt.劝告， 训诫， 警告 her son.
“Now， John， don，t be selfish. Let your little brother share the bicycle with you.”
“But Mother， I do. I ride it down the hill， and he rides it up the hill.”
别太自私
一位母亲在劝告她的儿子。
“听着，约翰，别太自私，让你的弟弟和你共用一辆自行车。”
“妈妈，我是让他。我先骑下坡，他再骑上坡。”
Clean Glass
Joe and Fred were helping to build a house in a village. The weather was very warm， there was a lot of dust everywhere， and by half past twelve， they were very thirsty， so they stopped work to have their lunch. They found the nearest small bar， went in and sat down with their sandwiches.
“Good afternoon， gentlemen. What can I get you？” the man behind the bar asked.
Joe looked at Fred and said， “Beer， I think. Yes， a pint of beer each. Is that all right for you， Fred？”
“Yes， that，s all right.” Fred said. Then he turned to the man behind the bar and said， “And I want it in a clean glass！ Don，t forget that.”
The man behind the bar filled the glasses and brought them to Joe and Fred. Then he said： “Which of you asked for the clean glass？”
干净的杯子
乔和佛瑞德在一个村子里帮忙盖一间房子。天气很暖和，到处都有许多灰尘。12点半的时候，他们觉得非常口渴，便停下来去吃午饭了。他们找到最近的一家酒吧，走进去坐下吃他们的三文治。
“下午好，先生。你们想要点什么？”柜台后面的伺应问道。
乔看了看佛瑞德说：“我想，啤酒吧。对了，每人一品脱啤酒。这样可以吗，佛瑞德？”
“好的，可以。”佛瑞德说。然后他转过去跟柜台后面的伺应说：“我要啤酒装在一个干净的杯子里！别忘了。”
柜台后面的伺应倒满杯子后，拿给乔和佛瑞德，接着说：“刚才哪一位要干净的杯子的？”