这又使我记起一件事，使我感到羞愧不安——一个大话。（我已经记不清楚了，是否我曾经向某个小男孩儿说过：“我将来要当美国总统”？或是向某个小女孩儿说过：“我将来长大了要娶你”？总之这类回忆起来羞愧难当的吹牛。）
“我们穷。”我在黑暗中，在床上，低声地对我自己说了一遍又一遍。我在使我自己习惯这句话。（或者——就是为了折磨自己，就像一个人用舌头来抵住他的痛牙那样？不，记忆说不是那样——而是为了要使我自己不要再做那样的傻瓜：现在难过一下，使这可怕的事以后不再发生。在这一点上记忆是很清楚的。这更像是拔牙，拔了就算了——别怕疼，拔了就什么都完了！）
现在我知道了，那倒也不是那么可怕。可我从前就是不知道！我曾经想过各种荒唐可笑的事情：我要去安阿伯学习喽——要去当一名律师喽，要到广场去发表演讲，要当总统。现在我聪明些了。
我曾经想在圣诞节要得到点什么东西。现在我不想要了。我什么东西都不想要了。
我在黑暗中躺在那里，感觉到放弃一切的冷漠情绪。（欲望的卷须把它抓住的外界事物松开，往后退缩，干瘪了，希望也干瘪了，变黑了，死掉了。就像是这样。）
这也使人痛。但没有任何东西会再使人痛了。我不会让我自己再想要什么东西了。
我躺在那里，在黑暗中直挺挺地躺着，我的两个拳头紧紧握着空虚……
到了清晨，那像是一场记不清楚的噩梦，想把它忘却的噩梦。虽然我自己并没有挂上什么袜子，但在我脚的床头却挂着一只袜子。一袋爆玉米花，一枝铅笔，是给我的。他们已经尽力而为了，现在他们也了解我知道关于圣诞节的事了。但他们本来可以不必认为应当给我什么的。我什么都不想要了。
Three Peach Stones
R. Duncan
Observe a child； any one will do. You will see that not a day passes in which he does not find something or other to make him happy， though he may be in tears the next moment. Then look at a man； any one of us will do. You will notice that weeks and months can pass in which day is greeted with nothing more than resignationresignation n.辞职， 辞职书， 放弃， 顺从， and endure with every polite indifference. Indeed， most men are as miserable as sinners， though they are too bored to sin-perhaps their sin is their indifference. But it is true that they so seldom smile that when they do we do not recognize their face， so distorteddistorted adj.扭歪的， 受到曲解的 is it from the fixed mask we take for granted. And even then a man can not smile like a child， for a child smiles with his eyes， whereas a man smiles with his lips alone. It is not a smile； but a grin； something to do with humor， but little to do with happiness. And then， as anyone can see， there is a point （but who can define that point？） when a man becomes an old man， and then he will smile again.
It would seem that happiness is something to do with simplicity， and that it is the ability to extract pleasure form the simplest things-such as a peach stone， for instance.
It is obvious that it is nothing to do with success. For Sir Henry Stewart was certainly successful. It is twenty years ago since he came down to our village from London， and bought a couple of old cottages， which he had knocked into one. He used his house a s weekend refugerefuge n.庇护， 避难， 避难所. He was a barrister. And the village followed his brilliant career with something almost amounting to paternalpaternal adj.父亲的， 像父亲的 pride.
I remember some ten years ago when he was made a King，s Counsel， Amos and I， seeing him get off the London train， went to congratulate him. We grinned with pleasure； he merely looked as miserablemiserable adj.痛苦的， 悲惨的， 可怜 as though he，d received a penal sentence. It was the same when he was knighted； he never smiled a bit， he didn，t even bother to celebrate with a round of drinks at the “Blue Fox”. He took his success as a child does his medicine. And not one of his achievements brought even a ghost of a smile to his tired eyes.
I asked him one day， soon after he，d retired to potter about his garden， what is was like to achieve all one，s ambitions. He looked down at his roses and went on watering them. Then he said “The only value in achieving one，s ambition is that you then realize that they are not worth achieving.” Quickly he moved the conversation on to a more practical level， and within a moment we were back to a safe discussion on the weather. That was two years ago.
I recall this incident， for yesterday， I was passing his house， and had drawn up my cart just outside his garden wall. I had pulled in from the road for no other reason than to let a bus pass me. As I set there filling my pipe， I suddenly heard a shout of sheer joy come from the other side of the wall.
I peered over. There stood Sir Henry doing nothing less than a tribal war dance of sheer unashamed ecstasy. Even when he observed my bewildered face staring over the wall he did not seem put out or embarrassedembarrass vt.使困窘， 使局促不安， 阻碍， 麻烦， but shouted for me to climb over.
“Come and see， Jan. Look！ I have done it at last！ I have done it at last！”
There he was， holding a small box of earth in his had. I observed three tiny shoots out of it.
“And there were only three！” he said， his eyes laughing to heaven.
“Three what？” I asked.
“Peach stones”， he replied. “I，ve always wanted to make peach stones grow， even since I was a child， when I used to take them home after a party， or as a man after a banquetbanquet n.宴会. And I used to plant them， and then forgot where I planted them. But now at last I have done it， and， what，s more， I had only three stones， and there you are， one， two， three shoots，” he counted.
And Sir Henry ran off， calling for his wife to come and see his achievement-his achievement of simplicity.
三颗核桃
罗·邓肯
仔细观察一个小孩，随便哪个小孩都行，你会发现，他每天都会发现一两件令他快乐的事情，尽管过一会儿他可能会哭哭啼啼。再看看一个大人，我们中间任何人都行，你会发现，一周复一周，一月又一月，他总是以无可奈何的心情迎接新的一天的到来，以温文尔雅、满不在乎的心情忍受这一天的消逝。确实，大多数人都跟罪人一样苦恼难受，尽管他们太百无聊赖，连罪恶都不犯——也许他们的冷漠就是他们的罪孽。真的， 他们难得一笑。如果他们偶尔笑了，我们会认不出他们的容貌，他们的脸会扭曲走样，不再是我们习以为常的固定不变的面具。即使在笑的时候，大人也不会像小孩儿那样，小孩儿用眼睛表示笑意，大人只用嘴唇。这实际上不是笑，只是咧咧嘴，表示一种心情，但跟快乐无关。然而，人人都能发现，人到了一定地步（但又有谁能解释这是什么地步呢？），成了老人，他又会笑了。
看起来，幸福同纯真的赤子之心有关系，幸福是一种能从最简单的事物里——譬如说，核桃——汲取快乐的能力。
幸福显然同成功毫不相干。亨利·斯图亚特爵士显然是个十分成功的人。20年前，他从伦敦来到我们的村子，买了好几座旧房屋，推倒后建了一所大房子。他把这所房子当作度周末的场所。他是位律师。我们村里的人带着一种几近父辈的骄傲心情追随他那辉煌的业绩。
我记得，大约十年前他被任命为王室法律顾问，阿莫斯和我看见他走下伦敦开来的火车便上前去表示祝贺。我们高兴的笑着；而他的表情却跟接到判刑通知书一样悲惨。他受封当爵士时也是如此，他没有一丝笑容，他甚至不屑于在蓝狐狸酒馆请我们大家喝杯酒。他对待成功就像小孩吃药一样，任何一项成就都未能使他疲惫的眼睛里露出一丝笑意。
他退休以后可以在花园里随便走走，干些轻松的闲活。有一天，我问他一个问题：一个人实现了一切雄心壮志是什么滋味？他低头看这玫瑰花，浇他的水。过了一会儿，他说：“实现雄心壮志的唯一价值是你发现他们都不值得追求。”他立刻改变话题讨论有实际意义的事情，我们很快谈论起万无一失的天气问题。这是两年前的事。
我想起这件事情，因为昨天我经过他的家，把我的大车停在他花园的院墙外边。我从大路把车赶到他花园外边是为了给一辆公共汽车让路。我坐在车上装烟斗时忽然听见院墙里面传来一声欣喜欲狂的欢呼。
我向墙内张望。里面是亨利爵士，他欢蹦乱跳像在跳部落出征的舞蹈，表现出毫无顾忌的真正的快乐。他发现了我在墙头张望的迷惑不解的面孔，他似乎毫不生气，也不感到窘迫，而是大声呼喊叫我爬过墙去。
“快来看，杰。看呀！我终于成功了！我终于成功了！”
他站在那里，手里拿着一小盒土。我发现土里有三颗小芽。
“就只有这三颗！”他眉开眼笑地说。
“三个什么东西？”我问。
“核桃。”他回答道，“我一直想种核桃，从小就想，当时我参加晚会后老是把核桃带回家，后来长大成人参加宴会后也这样。我以前常常种核桃，可是过后就忘了我种在什么地方。现在，我总算成功了。还有，我只有三个核桃。你瞧，一、二、三颗芽。”他数着说。
亨利爵士跑了起来，叫他的妻子来看他的成功之作——他的单纯淳朴的成功。