Some time ago，I attended a bridge party.I don’t play bridge—and there was a woman there who didn’t play bridge either.She had discovered that I had once been Lowell Thomas’manager before he went on the radio and that I had traveled in Europe a great deal while helping him prepare the illustrated travel talks he was then delivering.So she said：“Oh，Mr.Carnegie，I do want you to tell me about all the wonderful places you have visited and the sights you have seen.”
As we sat down on the sofa，she remarked that she and her husband had recently returned from a trip to Africa.“Africa！”I exclaimed.“How interesting！I’ve always wanted to see Africa，but I never got there except for a twenty-four-hour stay once in Algiers.Tell me，did you visit the big-game country？Yes？How fortunate.I envy you.Do tell me about Africa.”
That kept her talking for forty-five minutes.She never again asked me where I had been or what I had seen.She didn’t want to hear me talk about my travels.All she wanted was an interested listener，so she could expand her ego and tell about where she had been.
Was she unusual？No.Many people are like that.
For example，I met a distinguished botanist at a dinner party given by a New York book publisher.I had never talked with a botanist before，and I found him fascinating.I literally sat on the edge of my chair and listened while he spoke of exotic plants andexperiments in developing new forms of plant life and indoor gardens （and even told me astonishing facts about the humble potato）.I had a small indoor garden of my own—and he was good enough to tell me how to solve some of my problems.
As I said，we were at a dinner party.There must have been a dozen other guests，but I violated all the canons of courtesy，ignored everyone else，and talked for hours to the botanist.
Midnight came，I said good night to everyone and departed.The botanist then turned to our host and paid me several flattering compliments.I was “most stimulating.”I was this and I was that，and he ended by saying I was a “most interesting conversationalist.”
An interesting conversationalist？Why，I had said hardly anything at all.I couldn’t have said anything if I had wanted to without changing the subject，for I didn’t know any more about botany than I knew about the anatomy of a penguin.But I had done this：I had listened intently.I had listened because I was genuinely interested.And he felt it.Naturally that pleased him.That kind of listening is one of the highest compliments we can pay anyone.
What is the secret，the mystery，of a successful business interview？Well，according to former Harvard president Charles W.Eliot，“There is no mystery about successful business intercourse....Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important.Nothing else is so flattering as that.”
Self-evident，isn’t it？You don’t have to study for four years in Harvard to discover that.Yet I know and you know department store owners who will rent expensive space，buy their goods economically，dress their windows appealingly，spend thousands of dollars in advertising and then hire clerks who haven’t the sense to be good listeners—clerks who interrupt customers，contradict them，irritate them，and all but drive them from the store.
The chronic kicker，even the most violent critic，will frequently soften and be subdued in the presence of a patient，sympathetic listener—a listener who will be silent while the irate fault-finder dilates like a king cobra and spews the poison out of his system.
The New York Telephone Company discovered a few years ago that it had to deal with one of the most vicious customers who ever cursed a customer service representative.And he did curse.He raved.He threatened to tear the phone out by its roots.He refused to pay certain charges that he declared were false.He wrote letters to the newspapers.He filed innumerable complaints with the Public Service Commission，and he started several suits against the telephone company.
At last，one of the company’s most skillful “trouble-shooters”was sent to interview this stormy petrel.This “trouble-shooter”listened and let the cantankerous customer enjoy himself pouring out his tirade.The telephone representative listened and said “yes”and sympathized with his grievance.
“He raved on and I listened for nearly three hours，”the “trouble-shooter”said as he related his experiences before one of the author’s classes.“Then I went back and listened some more.I interviewed him four times，and before the fourth visit was over I had become a charter member of an organization he was starting.He called it the ‘telephone Subscribers’Protective Association.’I am still a member of this organization，and，so far as I know，I’m the only member in the world today besides Mr.—“I listened and sympathized with him on every point that he made during these interviews.He had never had a telephone representative talk with him that way before，and he became almost friendly.The point on which I went to see him was noteven mentioned on the first visit，nor was it mentioned on the second or third，but upon the fourth interview，I closed the case completely，he paid all his bills in full，and for the first time in the history of his difficulties with the telephone company he voluntarily withdrew his complaints from the Public Service Commission.”
Doubtless Mr.—had considered himself a holy crusader，defending the public rights against callous exploitation.But in reality，what he had really wanted was a feeling of importance.He got this feeling of importance at first by kicking and complaining.But as soon as he got his feeling of importance from a representative of the company，his imagined grievances vanished into thin air.