Does that sound like sheer，impractical，visionary idealism？It isn’t.It is just horse sense.It is a good way for you and me to find the happiness we long for.I know.I have seen it happen right in my own family.My own mother and father gave for the joy of helping others.We were poor—always overwhelmed by debts.Yet，poor as we were，my father and mother always managed to send money every year to an orphans’home—the Christian Home in Council Bluffs，Iowa.Mother and Father never visited that home.Probably no one thanked them for their gifts—except by letter—but they were richly repaid，for they had the joy of helping little children—without wishing for or expecting any gratitude in return.
After I left home，I would always send Father and Mother a cheque at Christmas and urge them to indulge in a few luxuries for themselves.But they rarely did.When I came home a few days before Christmas，Father would tell me of the coal and groceriesthey had bought for some “widder woman”in town who had a lot of children and no money to buy food and fuel.What joy they got out of these gifts—the joy of giving without accepting anything whatever in return！
I believe my father would almost have qualified for Aristotle’s description of the ideal man—the man most worthy of being happy.“The ideal man，”said Aristotle，“takes joy in doing favours for others；but he feels ashamed to have others do favours for him.For it is a mark of superiority to confer a kindness；but it is a mark of inferiority to receive it.”
Here is the second point I am trying to make in this chapter：If we want to find happiness，let’s stop thinking about gratitude or ingratitude and give for the inner joy of giving.
Parents have been tearing their hair about the ingratitude of children for ten thousand years.Even Shakespeare’s King Lear cried out：“How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child！”
But why should children be thankful—unless we train them to be？Ingratitude is natural—like weeds.Gratitude is like a rose.It has to be fed and watered and cultivated and loved and protected.
If our children are ungrateful，who is to blame？Maybe we are.If we have never taught them to express gratitude to others，how can we expect them to be grateful to us？
I know a man in Chicago who has cause to complain of the ingratitude of his stepsons.He slaved in a box factory，seldom earning more than forty dollars a week.He married a widow，and she persuaded him to borrow money and send her two grown sons to college.Out of his salary of forty dollars a week，he had to pay for food，rent，fuel，clothes，and also for the payments on his notes.He did this for four years，working like a coolie，and never complaining.
Did he get any thanks？No；his wife took it all for granted—and so did her sons.They never imagined that they owed their stepfather anything—not even thanks！
Who was to blame？The boys？Yes；but the mother was even more to blame.She thought it was a shame to burden their young lives with “a sense of obligation”.She didn’t want her sons to “start out under debt”.So she never dreamed of saying：“What a prince your stepfather is to help you through college！”Instead，she took the attitude：“Oh，that’s the least he can do.”
She thought she was sparing her sons，but in reality，she was sending them out into life with the dangerous idea that the world owed them a living.And it was a dangerous idea—for one of those sons tried to “borrow”from an employer，and ended up in jail！
We must remember that our children are very much what we make them.For example，my mother’s sister—Viola Alexander—is a shining example of a woman who has never had cause to complain about the “ingratitude”of children.When I was a boy，Aunt Viola took her own mother into her home to love and take care of；and she did the same thing for her husband’s mother.I can still close my eyes and see those two old ladies sitting before the fire in Aunt Viola’s farmhouse.Were they any “trouble”to Aunt Viola？Oh，often，I suppose.But you would never have guessed it from her attitude.She loved those old ladies—so she pampered them，and spoiled them，and made them feel at home.In addition，Aunt Viola had six children of her own；but it never occurred to her that she was doing anything especially noble，or deserved any halos for taking these old ladies into her home.To her，it was the natural thing，the right thing，the thing she wanted to do.
Where is Aunt Viola today？Well，she has now been a widow for twenty-odd years，and she has five grown-up children—five separate households—all clamouring to share her，and to have hercome and live in their homes！Her children adore her；they never get enough of her.Out of “gratitude”？Nonsense！It is love—sheer love.Those children breathed in warmth and radiant human-kindness all during their childhoods.Is it any wonder that，now that the situation is reversed，they give back love？
So let us remember that to raise grateful children，we have to be grateful.Let us remember “little pitchers have big ears”—and watch what we say.The next time we are tempted to belittle someone’s kindness in the presence of our children，let’s stop.Let’s never say：“Look at these dishcloths Cousin Sue sent for Christmas.She knit them herself.They didn’t cost her a cent！”The remark may seem trivial to us—but the children are listening.So，instead，we had better say：“Look at the hours Cousin Sue spent making these for Christmas！Isn’t she nice？Let’s write her a thank—you note right now.”And our children may unconsciously absorb the habit of praise and appreciation.
To avoid resentment and worry over ingratitude，here is Rule 3：
A.Instead of worrying about ingratitude，let’s expect it.Let’s remember that Jesus healed ten lepers in one day-and only one thanked Him.Why should we expect more gratitude than Jesus got？
B.Let’s remember that the only way to find happiness is not toexpect gratitude，but to give for the joy of giving.