Characters.-SWIPES,a brewer;CURRIE,a saddler;FRANK MILLINGTON;and SQUIRE DRAWL.
Swipes. A sober occasion,this,brother Currie. Whwould have thought the old lady was snear her end?
Currie. Ah! we must all die,brother Swipes;and those whlive the longest outlive the most.
Swipes. True,true;but,since we must die and leave our earthly possessions,it is well that the law takes such good care of us. Had the old lady her senses when she departed?
Cur. Perfectly,perfectly. Squire Drawl told me she read every word of the will aloud,and never signed her name better.
Swipes. Had you any hint from the Squire what disposition1shemade of her property?
Cur. Not a whisper;the Squire is as close as an underground tomb;but one of the witnesses hinted tme that she had cut off her graceless2 nephew,Frank,without a shilling.
Swipes. Has she,good soul,has she? You know I come in,then,in right of my wife.
Cur. And I in my own right;and this is ndoubt the reason why we have been called thear the reading of the will. Squire Drawl knows how things should be done,though he is as air-tight as one1Disposition,disposal.
2Graceless,depraved,corrupt.
of your beer barrels. But here comes the young reprobate1. He must be present,as a matter of course,you know. [Enter FRANK MILLINGTON.] Your ser vant,young g entleman. Syour benefactress has left you at last.
Swipes. It is a painful thing tpart with old and good friends,Mr. Millington.
Frank. It is so,sir;but I could bear her loss better had I not soften been ungrateful for her kindness. She was my only friend,and I knew not her value.
Cur.It is tolate trepent,Master Millington. You will now have a chance tearn your own bread.
Swipes. Ay,ay,or the sweat of your brow,as better people are obliged to. You would make a fine brewer’s boy,if you were not toold.
Cur.Ay,or a saddler‘s lackey2,if held with a tight rein.
Frank. Gentlemen,your remarks imply that my aunt has treated me as I deserved. I am above your insults,and only hope you will bear your fortune as modestly as I shall mine submissively. I shall retire. [Going: He meets SQUIRE DRAWL.]
Squire. Stop,stop,young man. We must have your presence. Good morning,gentlemen;you are early on the ground.
Cur.I hope the Squire is well to-day.
Squire.Pretty comfortable,for an invalid.
Swipes.I trust the damp air has not affected your lungs again.
Squire. No,I believe not. But,since the heirs at law are all convened3,I shall now proceed topen the last will and testament of your deceased4 relative,according tlaw.
Swipes. [While the SQUIRE is breaking the seal,] It is a trying thing tleave all one’s possessions,Squire;in this manner.
1Reprobate,one morally lost.
2Lackey,an attending servant,a footman. 3 Convened,met together,assembled.
4Deceased,dead.
Cur. It really makes me feel melancholy when I look around and see everything but the venerable owner of these goods. Well did the Preacher say,"All is vanity."
Squire. Please tbe seated,gentlemen. [He puts on his spectacles and begins tread slowly.] "Imprirmis1;whereas,my nephew,Francis Millington,by his disobedience and ungrateful conduct,has shown himself unworthy of my bounty,and incapable of managing my large estate,I dhereby give and bequeath all my houses,farms,stocks,bonds,moneys,and property,both personal and real,tmy dear cousins,Samuel Swipes,of Malt Street,brewer,and Christopher Currie,of Fly Court,saddler." [The SQUIRE here takes off his spectacles,and begins twipe them very leisurely.]
Swipes. Generous creature! kind soul! I always loved her!
Cur. She was good,she was kind;-and,brother Swipes,when we divide,I think I‘ll take the mansion house.
Swipes. Not sfast,if you please,Mr. Currie. My wife has long had her eye upon that,and must have it.
Cur. There will be twwords tthat bargain,Mr. Swipes. And,besides,I ought thave the first choice. Did I not lend her a new chaise2 every time she wished tride ? And whknows what influence-Swipes. Am I not named first in her will? and did I not furnish her with my best small beer for more than six months? And whknows-Frank.Gentlemen,I must leave you. [Going.]
Squire. [Putting on his spectacles ver y deliberately.] Pray,gentlemen,keep your seats,I have not done yet. Let me see;where was I? Ay,"All my property,both personal and real,tmy dear cousins,Samuel Swipes,of Malt Street,brewer,"-Swipes. Yes!
Squire."And Christopher Currie,of Fly Court,saddler,"
1Imprimis （Latin）,in the first place.
2Chaise,a kind of two-wheeled carriage.
Cur. Yes!
Squire. "Thave and thold,IN TRUST,for the sole and exclusive benefit of my nephew,Francis Millington,until he shall have attained the age of twenty-one years,by which time I hope he will have sfar reformed 1his evil habits,as that he may safely be intrusted with the large fortune which I hereby bequeath thim."
Swipes. What is all this? You don’t mean that we are humbugged? In trust! How does that appear? Where is it?
Squire. There;in twwords of as good old English as I ever penned.
Cur.Pretty well,too,Mr. Squire,if we must be sent for tbe made a laughingstock of. She shall pay for every ride she has had out of my chaise,I promise you.
Swipes. And for every drop of my beer. Fine times,if twsober,hard-working citizens are tbe brought here tbe made the sport of a graceless profligate2. But we will manage his property for him,Mr. Currie;we will make him feel that trustees are not tbe trifled with.
Cur. That we will.
Squire. Not sfast,gentlemen;for the instrument3 is dated three years ago;and the young gentleman must be already of age,and able ttake care of himself. Is it not so,Francis?
Frank.It is,your worship.
Squire. Then,gentlemen,having attended tthe breaking of the seal,according tlaw,you are released from any further trouble about the business.
1Reformed,returned ta good state.
2Profligate,a person openly and shamelessly vicious.
3Instrument （a term in law）,a writing expressive of some act,contract,etc.