［美］卡森.麦卡勒斯／Carson McCullers
爱，首先是两个人共同体验的——但这并不意味着他们的感受有何相似之处。爱，分为两种，即爱与被爱，施爱者和被爱者分属于不同的世界。被爱者常常是激发了施爱者在内心贮存了很久的激情，对于施爱者，这一点他很清楚，因为他常能感到灵魂深处爱的孤寂，这是一种前所未有的、陌生的孤寂，正是这种认识，让他痛苦万分。因而，施爱者也只有一种选择，即尽量将爱深埋于心，重塑一个全新的内心世界——一个强烈、陌生，完全属于他自己的世界。这里所说的施爱者不一定指为买结婚钻戒而努力存钱的小伙子，它囊括了男人、女人、孩子，或者说是全人类。
同样，被爱者也可以是任何类型的人，最怪异的人也可能被人深爱着。步履蹒跚的曾祖父可能依旧爱着一个陌生女孩，那个20年前在奇豪街头见到的女孩；牧师可能会爱上一个风尘女子。被爱者可能是背信弃义、油嘴滑舌之辈，或是染上很多恶习的人。当然，像其他人一样，施爱者同样也清楚地看到这些——但是，这丝毫不会影响他的爱意。如同沼泽地里的毒百合，一个普普通通的人也会有一场疯狂、放纵、奢华、色彩斑斓的爱，一个善良的人可能会有一场粗暴而低劣的爱，语无伦次的疯子也可能会给某人带去温柔而淳朴的浪漫情爱。因此，爱的价值及其品质取决于施爱者自身。
正因为如此，在爱与被爱之间，很多人宁愿选择前者，而不是后者。当然，人人都想成为施爱者。粗略地说来，很奇怪的是，很多人竟无法忍受被爱的状态。被爱者有很明白的理由对施爱者又怕又恨，因为施爱者始终设法想把被爱者看得一清二楚。施爱者渴望与被爱者有一些关系，即使这样做只会让自己痛苦。
First of all，love is a joint experience between two persons—but the fact that it is a joint experience does not mean that it is a similar experience of the two people involved.There are the lover and the beloved，but these two come from different countries.Often the beloved is only a stimulus for all the stored-up love which has lain quiet within the lover for a long time hitherto.And somehow every lover knows this.He feels in his soul that his love is a solitary thing.He comes to know a new，strange loneliness and it is this knowledge which makes him suffer.So there is only one thing for the lover to do.He must house his love within himself as best he can；he must create for himself a whole new inward world—a world intense and strange，complete in himself.Let it be added here that this lover about whom we speak need not necessarily be a young man saving for a wedding ring—this lover can be man，woman，child，or indeed any human creature on this earth.
Now，the beloved can also be of any description.The most outlandish people can be the stimulus for love.A man may be a doddering great-grandfather and still love only a strange girl he saw in the streets of Cheehaw one afternoon two decades past.The preacher may love a fallen woman.The beloved may be treacherous，greasy-headed，and given to evil habits.Yes，and the lover may see this as clearly as anyone else—but that does not affect the evolution of his love one whit.A most mediocre person can be the object of a love which is wild，extravagant，and beautiful as the poison lilies in the swamp.A good man may be the stimulus for a love both violent and debased，or a jabbering mad man may bring about in the soul of someone a tender and simple idyll.Therefore，the value and quality of any love is determined solely by the lover himself.
It is for this reason that most of us would rather love than be loved.Almost everyone wants to be the lover.And the curt truth is that，in a deep secret way，the state of being beloved is intolerable to many.The beloved fears and hates the lover，and with the best of reasons.For the lover is forever trying to strip bare his beloved.The lover craves any possible relation with the be loved，even if this experience can cause him only pain.