Engineer SunLi is the mother， Engineer Chu (禇) is the father of HaoKang (昊康) who is more than a year old. Wang LanBo， a programmer， is the father of SunMing (荪铭)，hemethiswifeWangQingFang(王青芳)onlyayearbeforethebirthofthechild，andmarriedher.Bothjusthappentohavethesamesurname“Wang”.Chinese couples have no common family names， “QingFang” is a first name， promising clear and wonderful scents.
SunLi and Wang LanBo have little in common， apart from the fact that they do not even have the same sex， they have never met， they do not live in the same neighbourhood， actually they only have one thing in common which they do not even know： They have a mutual acquaintance， LaoWei； SunLi for professional， Wang LanBo for footballing reasons.
And they have something in common with many other parents in China： one child， a son， about the same age. For LaoWei this is an opportunity to unobtrusively make comparative observations.
In both cases the parents did not mind the sex of the child. Ultrasonic checks are made in China， too， but physicians are not tolerated to reveal whether it be a son or a daughter. Sometimes grandmothers who absolutely want to know whether it will be a son try to make a deal with the doctors， but at least in these two cases， the physicians kept tight. Too often female foetuses are still getting aborted in China， even in advanced stages of development.
Chinese grandparents are generally very much involved in the care and upbringing of the grandchildren， also nowadays in many cases they still assume even the sway. SunLi’s mother came to ShenZhen immediately after learning of the pregnancy， and most of the time until birth， and months after， she dwelt in the not very big apartment of the married engineers couple. Of the eight months before the birth she spent only two weeks in her home-town， her working husband， the future grandfather， had to cope alone all the time. QingFang， however – whose mother was only occasionally， for a few weeks， in ShenZhen during pregnancy – like many other expectant mothers moved three months before the expected birth date to her parents in her home-town. Now Wang LanBo， the future father， had for months to cope alone. For the birth， he went for three days to his wife and his parents-in-law， he did not get more days off by his company.
In the first six months after birth， SunLi dwelt in her own apartment with husband and mother. For three months the mother in law was there as well， making things crammed， all SunLi had to do was to breastfeed. But in any case the family was together. LaoWei visited them two or three times， and under critical (and then appreciative) glances of the two grandmothers (and later， just the maternal grandmother) he demonstrated his grandfather’s skills to move a tired but exhilarated baby to fall asleep at his shoulders. The foreign “YeYe” (grandpa) was accepted and we compared notes of grandparenthood， as far as the Chinese language sufficed.
QingFang， however， lived in the home of her parents， her husband， the young father， remained alone in ShenZhen， he had to work， only occasionally he flew to the home-town of his wife at least sometimes， just to see his child.
After weaning， SunLi’s mother decided to fly with her grandson back to her home-
In a park named “QingQing ShiJie” (青青世界， “Green World”)， offering many activities and interesting places for families under the label of “Nature and Ecology”， there is a playground full of old， traditional toys， here is an old heavy barrow made of wood and iron. The children consider it great (many adults too).
town. SunLi was not amused， but what should she do about it？ She resumed her work， and her mother wanted to return home for having personal disputes with her husband again， not just on the phone， to restore order in the apartment and to discuss everything in detail with her friends at home. This she has been missing in ShenZhen. SunLi was sad – her baby was gone.
“In the old times” everything was easier， as it has been all over the world. In most cases， marriage was within the same town， the son often remained near his parents， but not too near if could be avoided. A plausible rule is evidence to how close parents should stay to the children： “一碗热汤的距离 yi wan re tang de ju li”， “as far as a bowl of hot soup”， so far that you can still bring along a warm soup without it cooling down (in Spain there is a corresponding rule of life： “one cardigan away.” We should therefore live as far or close from our parents that you have to pull over a cardigan if you want to visit each other， but no more than a cardigan). Those days have passed for most， both in Spain and in China， now people live mostly in separate towns， farther away than a cardigan or a bowl of soup.
In the botanical garden， the grandmother plays with her grandchildren who have something fished out of the Fairy Lake and throw it in again and again and to fetch it another time.
QingFang returned with her baby to ShenZhen about six months later， the family was finally united， the father was happy.
SunLi managed to convince her mother that she would return with the baby to ShenZhen after three months of absence. But things were almost beyond repair： Her own son knew her no more， she could not calm him when he screamed， in the beginning he did not even tolerate her to feed him from a bottle， only grandmother was allowed to do that. It took many weeks till some order was reinstalled and she， the proper mother， was again accepted by her infant son. Now also the strange-looking foreign “YeYe” was a reason for the little one to be afraid and even to precautionary cry a little whenever LaoWei came to a visit， but after a while the stranger was accepted as a playmate after all. This has also prompted SunLi’s mother to reconsider her opinion of the “somewhat too exploitative” boss of her daughter.