[英]瓦蕾丽·斯马特/Valerie Smart
从小母亲就教导我要面带微笑，要懂礼貌，说话时不要发出很大的声音，笑时不要太用力，口袋里随时装一块薄荷糖以清新口气。她还告诉我，要梳着整齐的头发去拜访邻居，要穿着漂亮的睡袍去别人家过夜，去参加科学展览会的时候，要穿上一件花裙子。这一切是因为别人认为这样做才是得体的。她还教导我，要多倾听别人说话，自己要少说话，我却一直没有做好。
孩子时期母亲就教导我：家里来客人时，要提前在浴室里放上配套的擦手毛巾；如果款待客人时需要用钱，就要取出一些现金。我还学会了，在圣诞节或感恩节的时候，为了防止家里出现争吵，整天都要小心翼翼，并且邀请姻亲到家里一起吃早餐，邀请家人一起吃午餐，邀请青少年朋友吃甜点。
随着我年龄的增长，母亲的智慧也在增加。成年以后，我才意识到，在我小时候，母亲在很多时候本应拒绝别人的请求，但却很少那么做。
母亲在四十六岁的时候就成了寡妇，我一想到这件事就会感到悲伤。在随后的日子中，我逐渐发现母亲独立的一面，这一直让我感到非常欣慰。我看着母亲改掉了上世纪50年代妇女的陈规旧俗，我还高兴地发现，母亲有时用冰激凌当晚餐。
我从母亲那里学到，一个成年人应该给自己想要的一切，因为其他人不会为你做这些事情。我还明白了，当你不用微笑来面对生活时，生活就会变得很艰难。我还明白了，如果你不喜欢你的姻亲、其他家人或任何一个人，你也不必去掩饰，因为生命短暂，你不值得花时间和精力去伪装自己或担心别人的想法。
我学会了，只要你肯花时间坐在厨房的地板上与孩子一起用培乐多彩泥捏几条蛇，你可以不铺床铺，可以不熨烫牛仔裤，可以在水槽里留下一大堆脏盘子；我学会了，如果你的家里只有薯片和冰茶可以招待客人，那么请他们吃上一大袋薯片，然后喝些冰茶，这也是很惬意的事情。
母亲教导我，在收到账单的时候，一个成年人应该当即把回执存根撕下来放进要投递的信封中，然后在信封上贴上一张邮票。她告诉我，在潮湿的天气里，不要把一大堆浸湿的要洗的衣物放在洗衣机里过夜，因为当你第二天烘干这些衣物之后，它们就会散发出发霉浴帘的味道。母亲教会了我做马铃薯色拉、番茄沙司烙通心粉和米饭油炸土豆片。她教会我，如何在减价时采购物品，如何不化妆、不染发就成为一个漂亮的女人。
母亲教给我平静的祈祷方式，教会我倾听自己内心的声音。她教导我，尽管她在一个组织严密的传统宗教的环境中把我养大，如果我不想在同样的环境中养育自己的儿女，也没有关系；她教导我，如果两个人意见不合发生了争论，并不意味着彼此不关心对方。然而，即使别人说出了伤害你感情的言语，你却仍然不在意、不谈论，那么你就陷入麻烦之中了。母亲还教导我，你允许他人怎样对你，他人就会怎样对待你。
这些教导影响了我的一生。随着时间流逝，虽然一些做法已经过时甚至有些愚昧，但是大多数做法仍是不受时间和地域的限制的。我现在才意识到，她教导我的一切都源于她的内心，并且能够给予我指导和保护。
我今天看到的母亲已经不仅仅是自己的母亲，同时也是一个独立的女人，一个需要学习经验的女人，值得庆幸的是，也是一个能够与我分享经验的女人。因此，在今天的生活中，我总是能够按时支付账单，我把家人看得比家务活重要，我把自我满足看得比社会地位重要。今天，我仍然会在问候卡上花一小笔钱。此外，我用增白牙齿的口香糖代替了保持口气清新的薄荷糖。然而，家里仍然没有为客人准备专用的毛巾。
When I was a child，my mother taught me to smile and to be polite.She taught me not to talk too loud or laugh too hard，and to always have a breath mint in my pocket.She taught me to brush my hair before I went next door to play，to wear a pretty nightgown to the sleepover，and to wear a flowered dress to the science fair，because that’s what“others”thought was appropriate.She also taught me to listen more than I talk，which I have always had trouble doing.
From my mother I learned，as a child，to place matching hand towels in the bath room when company visits and to cash in a savings bond if that’s what it takes to feed your guests.I learned that to prevent family feuds，you walked on eggshells all day on Christmas and Thanksgiving，and had the in-laws over for breakfast，the other side of the family over for lunch，and all of your teenagers’friends over for dessert.
As I grew up，my mother grew wiser.By the time I was an adult，I’d learned that when I was a child，my mother hadn’t said no to other people as often as she should have.
While I’ll always be heartbroken that she became a widow at the young age of forty-six，I’ll always be grateful that I came to know my mother as an independent woman afterward.I watched her shed the stereotypes of a woman raised in the 1950s，and I now relish the fact that sometimes she，too，has ice cream for dinner.
From my mother I learned，as an adult，to give yourself what you want，because no one else may ever do it.I learned to laugh and laugh and laugh，because life is too difficult when you don’t.I learned that if you dislike your in179 laws or other family members or anyone else，you don’t have to fake it，because life is too short to put on appearances and to worry about what others might think.
I learned that it’s okay not to make the bed，not to iron your jeans，and to leave a pile of dishes in the sink，as long as you take time to sit on the kitchen floor and make Play-Doh snakes with your child.I learned that it’s perfectly acceptable to serve your guests a bag of chips and iced tea，if that’s all you have in the house.
My mother taught me，as an adult，that when a bill comes in the mail，to rip off the return stub，tuck it into the mailing envelope，and put a stamp on it right away.She taught me never to leave a load of wet laundry in the washing machine overnight in humid weather，because when you dry the clothes the next day，they’ll smell like a mildewed shower curtain.She taught me how to make potato salad，manicotti，and Rice Krispies treats.She taught me how to shop on sale，and that you don’t have to paint your face or dye your hair to be a beautiful woman at any age.
My mother taught me the Serenity Prayer.She taught me to listen to my inner voice.She taught me that，although she raised me in an organized religion，if I don’t want to raise my children the same way，that’s just fine.She taught me that when people disagree and argue，it doesn’t mean they don’t care about each other；it’s when you stop caring and talking，even if those emotions and words hurt，that you’re in trouble.My mother also taught me that people do to you only what you allow them to.
These are the lessons that have shaped my life.Although a few might seem passe or even silly with the passage of time，most are timeless and universal.I now realize that all of her lessons came from her heart and were meant to guide and protect me.
Today I see my mother not just as my parent，but also as a woman in her own right，with her own lessons to learn—and，fortunately，to share with me，her daughter.So，today，my bills are always paid on time.My family comes before housekeeping，and self-satisfaction before social status.I still spend a small fortune on greeting cards.And I’ve replaced the breath mints with tooth-whitening gum.But I don’t even own guest towels.