PRINCIPLE 1：
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
How to Avoid it
When Theodore Roosevelt was in the White House， heconfessed that if he could be right 75 percent of the time， hewould reach the highest measure of his expectation.
If that was the highest rating that one of the mostdistinguished men of the twentieth century could hope to obtain，what about you and me？
If you can be sure of being right only 55 percent of the time，you can go down to Wall Street and make a million dollars a day.
If you can’t be sure of being right even 55 percent of the time，why should you tell other people they are wrong？
You can tell people they are wrong by a look or an intonationor a gesture just as eloquently as you can in words—and if you tellthem they are wrong， do you make them want to agree with you？
Never！ For you have struck a direct blow at their intelligence，judgment， pride and self-respect. That will make them want tostrike back. But it will never make them want to change theirminds. You may then hurl at them all the logic of a Plato or anImmanuel Kant， but you will not alter their opinions， for youhave hurt their feelings.
Never begin by announcing “I am going to prove so-and-so toyou.” That’s bad. That’s tantamount to saying： “I’m smarter thanyou are， I’m going to tell you a thing or two and make you changeyour mind.”
That is a challenge. It arouses opposition and makes thelistener want to battle with you before you even start.
It is difficult， under even the most benign conditions， tochange people’s minds. So why make it harder？ Why handicapyourself？
If you are going to prove anything， don’t let anybody know it.
Do it so subtly， so adroitly， that no one will feel that you are doingit. This was expressed succinctly by Alexander Pope：
Men must be taught as if you taught them not
And things unknown proposed as things forgot.
Over three hundred years ago Galileo said：
You cannot teach a man anything； you can onlyhelp him to find it within himself.
As Lord Chesterfield said to his son：
Be wiser than other people if you can；
but do not tell them so.
Socrates said repeatedly to his followers in Athens：
One thing only I know， and that
is that I know nothing.
Well， I can’t hope to be any smarter than Socrates， so I havequit telling people they are wrong. And I find that it pays.
If a person makes a statement that you think is wrong—yes，even that you know is wrong—isn’t it better to begin by saying：
“Well， now， look， I thought otherwise， but I may be wrong. Ifrequently am. And if I am wrong， I want to be put right. Let’sexamine the facts.”
There’s magic， positive magic， in such phrases as： “I may bewrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts.”
Nobody in the heavens above or on earth beneath or in the90 ·
waters under the earth will ever object to your saying： “I may bewrong. Let’s examine the facts.”
One of our class members who used this approach in dealingwith customers was Harold Reinke， a Dodge dealer in Billings，Montana. He reported that because of the pressures of theautomobile business， he was often hard-boiled and callous whendealing with customers’ complaints. This caused flared tempers，loss of business and general unpleasantness.
He told his class：
“Recognizing that this was getting me nowhere fast， I trieda new tack. I would say something like this： ‘Our dealership hasmade so many mistakes that I am frequently ashamed. We mayhave erred in your case. Tell me about it.’