PRINCIPLE 3：
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. I once had the pleasure of dining with Miss Ida Tarbell， thedean of American biographers. When I told her I was writing thisbook， we began discussing this all-important subject of gettingalong with people， and she told me that while she was writing herbiography of Owen D. Young， she interviewed a man who hadsat for three years in the same office with Mr. Young. This mandeclared that during all that time he had never heard Owen D.
Young give a direct order to anyone. He always gave suggestions，not orders. Owen D. Young never said， for example， “Do thisor do that，” or “Don’t do this or don’t do that.” He would say，“You might consider this，” or “Do you think that would work？”
Frequently he would say， after he had dictated a letter， “What doyou think of this？” In looking over a letter of one of his assistants，he would say， “Maybe if we were to phrase it this way it wouldbe better.” He always gave people the opportunity to do thingsthemselves； he never told his assistants to do things； he let themdo them， let them learn from their mistakes.
A technique like that makes it easy for a person to correcterrors. A technique like that saves a person’s pride and gives himor her a feeling of importance. It encourages cooperation insteadof rebellion.
Resentment caused by a brash order may last a long time—even if the order was given to correct an obviously bad situation.
Dan Santarelli， a teacher at a vocational school in Wyoming，Pennsylvania， told one of our classes how one of his students had blocked the entrance way to one of the school’s shops by illegallyparking his car in it. One of the other instructors stormed into theclassroom and asked in an arrogant tone， “Whose car is blockingthe driveway？” When the student who owned the car responded，the instructor screamed： “Move that car and move it right now， orI’ll wrap a chain around it and drag it out of there.”
Now that student was wrong. The car should not have beenparked there. But from that day on， not only did that studentresent the instructor’s action， but all the students in the class dideverything they could to give the instructor a hard time and makehis job unpleasant.
How could he have handled it differently？ If he had asked in afriendly way， “Whose car is in the driveway？” and then suggestedthat if it were moved， other cars could get in and out， the studentwould have gladly moved it and neither he nor his classmateswould have been upset and resentful.
Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable；it often stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask.
People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a partin the decision that caused the order to be issued.
When Ian Macdonald of Johannesburg， South Africa， thegeneral manager of a small manufacturing plant specializingin precision machine parts， had the opportunity to accept avery large order， he was convinced that he would not meet thepromised delivery date. The work already scheduled in the shopand the short completion time needed for this order made it seemimpossible for him to accept the order.
Instead of pushing his people to accelerate their work andrush the order through， he called everybody together， explainedthe situation to them， and told them how much it would meanto the company and to them if they could make it possible to produce the order on time. Then he started asking questions：
“Is there anything we can do to handle this order？”
“Can anyone think of different ways to process it through theshop that will make it possible to take the order？”
“Is there any way to adjust our hours or personnel assignmentsthat would help？”
The employees came up with many ideas and insisted that hetake the order. They approached it with a “We can do it” attitude，and the order was accepted， produced and delivered on time.
An effective leader will use...