“There was about 1，500 grown-up adults in Bird Citythat had arrived at years of indiscretion； and the majorityof ’em required from three to twenty drinks a day to makelife endurable. The Blue Snake was the only place wherethey could get ’em till the flood subsided. It was beautifuland simple as all truly great swindles are.
“About ten o’clock the silver dollars dropping on the barslowed down to playing two-steps and marches instead ofjigs. But I looked out the window and saw a hundred or twoof our customers standing in line at Bird City Savings andLoan Co.， and I knew they were borrowing more money tobe sucked in by the clammy tendrils of the octopus.
“At the fashionable hour of noon everybody went hometo dinner. We told the bartenders to take advantage ofthe lull， and do the same. Then me and Andy countedthe receipts. We had taken in 1，300. We calculated thatif Bird City would only remain an island for two weeksthe trust would be able to endow the Chicago Universitywith a new dormitory of padded cells for the faculty， andpresent every worthy poor man in Texas with a farm，provided he furnished the site for it.
“Andy was especial inroaded by self-esteem at oursuccess， the rudiments of the scheme having originatedin his own surmises and premonitions. He got off the safeand lit the biggest cigar in the house.
“‘Jeff，’ says he， ‘I don’t suppose that anywhere in theworld you could find three cormorants with brighterideas about down-treading the proletariat than the firmof Peters， Satan and Tucker， incorporated. We have surehanded the small consumer a giant blow in the soleapoplectic region. No？’
“‘Well，’ says I， ‘it does look as if we would have to takeup gastritis and golf or be measured for kilts in spite ofourselves. This little turn in bug juice is， verily， all to theSkibo. And I can stand it，’ says I， ‘I’d rather batten thanbant any day.’
“Andy pours himself out four fingers of our best rye anddoes with it as was so intended. It was the first drink I hadever known him to take.
“‘By way of liberation，’ says he， ‘to the gods.’
“And then after thus doing umbrage to the heathendiabetes he drinks another to our success. And then hebegins to toast the trade， beginning with Raisuli and theNorthern Pacific， and on down the line to the little ones likethe school book combine and the oleomargarine outragesand the Lehigh Valley and Great Scott Coal Federation.
“‘It’s all right， Andy，’ says I， ‘to drink the health of ourbrother monopolists， but don’t overdo the wassail. Youknow our most eminent and loathed multi-corruptionistslive on weak tea and dog biscuits.’
“Andy went in the back room awhile and came outdressed in his best clothes. There was a kind of murderousand soulful look of gentle riotousness in his eye that Ididn’t like. I watched him to see what turn the whiskeywas going to take in him. There are two times when younever can tell what is going to happen. One is when a mantakes his first drink； and the other is when a woman takesher latest.
“In less than an hour Andy’s skate had turned to an iceyacht. He was outwardly decent and managed to preservehis aquarium， but inside he was impromptu and full ofunexpectedness.
“‘Jeff，’ says he， ‘do you know that I’m a crater—a livingcrater？’
“‘That’s a self-evident hypothesis，’ says I. ‘But you’re notIrish. Why don’t you say ‘creature，’ according to the rulesand syntax of America？’