When an unmarried boy’s family found a prospective daughter-in-law, a matchmaker would approach the prospective daughter-in-law’s family in the most casual manner; it had to be casual to avoid embarrassment. The matchmaker visited the daughter-in-law’s family with gifts. She proposed the possible marriage between the two families. If the offer was not unacceptable, the girl’s details would be written on red paper and given to the matchmaker, who would return to the boy’s family. Afterwards the matchmaker frequently commuted between the two families, delivering letters, marriage documents or gifts, interpreting the horoscopes and confirming an auspicious date for a wedding.
On the wedding day the matchmaker would accompany the bridegroom to the bride’s home to pick up the bride. In addition, she would work as an assistant in the wedding ceremony. After the ceremony, the boy’s family would give her some gifts and money wrapped in red paper as a token of thanks. The amount of money was largely dependent on the family’s financial situation.
After the founding of New China in 1949, the new marriage law was put in force, and arranged marriages were officially prohibited. At present, people realize that marriage should be based on the complete willingness of the two parties; no third party is allowed to interfere. However, in some remote villages, young peasants sometimes seek the help in arranging their marriages or agree-upon matches, in which the young people have the freedom to accept or reject the proposed candidate.
Notes：1）matchmaker媒人；2）curiosity好奇心；3）registration登记；4）bygone过去的；5）segregate隔离；6）maiden少女；7）standing地位；9）old-fashioned老式的；10）embarrassment尴尬；11）unacceptable不可接受的；12）commute通勤来往；13）prohibit禁止；14）candidate候选人
4.什么是“相亲”？
What is xiangqin?
Xiangqin (相亲) refers to a blind date where the couple involved has not met each other before. In ancient times, the xiangqin date seldom occurred due to the fact that a marriage was completely arranged by parents’ order or on the matchmaker’s word. A prospective bride was not expected to be exposed to her prospective bridegroom under any circumstances prior to their wedding night. However, some prospective bridegroom’s parents wanted to see what the prospective bride looked like as early as possible. So, on many occasions they concealed their identity and silently stood near her residence in the hope that they could steal a glance at their son’s prospective bride. A silent glance, they believed, might not give trouble or pain to the prospective bride’s family, and their mutual marriage between the two families would continue as usual.
In early modern times, the xiangqin date gradually became popular. The following were two commonly-accepted ways for the xiangqin date process.
a.Parents or aunts would take their son to visit the prospective bride’s family. It aimed to let their son have a chance of meeting the prospective bride. Accompanied by her parents, the prospective bride came out, presenting tea or lighting a cigarette to the visitors. The group of visitors might include some close relatives whose comment on the prospective bride would be of some value to a mutual marriage promise between the two families. During this period the prospective mates remained separated and only stole a few glances at one another. After this xiangqin date, it would be the matchmaker’s duty to communicate between the two families for the confirmation of the mutual marriage promise.
b.A matchmaker would accompany a prospective bridegroom for his xiangqin date in his prospective bride’s home. Right before his departure, his parents would specifically instruct their son how to address his prospective bride’s family, how to offer cigarettes to the prospective bride’s father and how to make a wine toast to her family. Accompanied by the matchmaker, the man arrived at his prospective bride’s home. He was warmly hosted, and his prospective bride came out for a greeting. She made her appearance just for a short time and then hid herself elsewhere. Meanwhile, the bride’s parents took advantage of the date to confirm if they were satisfied with their daughter’s prospective bridegroom.
On the xiangqin date, if the bridegroom’s family felt satisfied with the prospective marriage, the family would give to the potential bride a small red-color packet, which contained some cash. The packet was called“a gift at the first meeting.”