书城公版camellia girl
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第34章

'Anyway,on top of all that,'Prudence continued,'let's say Margurite loves you enough to give up the Count and even the Duke,if the Duke should find out about your affair and tell her to choose between you and him.If that happened,then the sacrifice which she'd be ****** for you would be enormous,no question about it.What sacrifice could you make to match hers?When you'd had enough of her and didn't want to have anything more to do with her,what would you do to compensate her for what you'd made her lose?Nothing.You would have cut her off from the world in which her fortune and her future lay,she would have given you her best years,and she would be forgotten.Then you'd either turn out to be the usual sort and throw her past in her face,telling her as you walked out that you were only behaving like all her other lovers,and you'd abandon her to certain poverty.Or else you would behave correctly and,believing you had an obligation to keep her by you,you'd land yourself inevitably in trouble,for an affair such as this,forgiveable in a young man,is inexcusable in older men.It becomes an obstacle to everything.It stands in the way of family and ambition which are a man's second and last loves.So believe me,my friend,take things for what they are worth and women as they are,and never give a kept woman any right to say that you owe her anything whatsoever.'

All this was sensibly argued,and it had a logic of which I would not have thought Prudence capable.I could think of nothing to say in reply,except that she was right;I gave her my hand and thanked her for her advice.

'Come,come,'she said,'now just forget all this gloomy theorizing and laugh.Life is delightful,my dear,it all depends on the prism you look at it through.Listen,ask your friend Gaston.Now there's someone who strikes me as understanding love as I understand it.What you've got to realize-and you'll be a dull lad if you don't-is that not far from here there's a beautiful girl who is waiting impatiently to see the back of the man she's with,who is thinking about you,who is keeping tonight for you and who I'm sure loves you.Now come and stand by the window with me,and we'll watch the Count leave:it won't be long now before he leaves the field clear for us.'

Prudence opened a window and we leaned on our elbows side by side on the balcony.

She watched the occasional passers-by.I stood musing.

Everything she had said reverberated inside my head,and I could not help admitting that she was right.But the true love I felt for Marguerite was not easily reconciled with her arguments.Consequently,I heaved intermittent sighs which made Prudence turn round and shrug her shoulders,like a doctor who has lost all hope of a patient.

'How clearly we see how brief life is,'I said to myself,'in the fleeting passage of our sensations!I have known Marguerite for only two days,she has been my mistress since just yesterday,and yet she has so overrun my thoughts,my heart and my life that a visit from this Count de G can make me wretched.'

Finally,the Count emerged,got into his carriage and drove off.Prudence closed her window.

At the same instant,Marguerite was already calling us.

'Come quickly,the table is being set,'she said,'and we'll have supper.'

When I entered her apartment,Marguerite ran towards me,threw her arms around my neck and kissed me with all her might.

'Are we still grumpy,then?'she said to me.

'No,that's all finished with,'answered Prudence,'I've been telling him a few home-truths,and he's promised to be good.'

'Wonderful!'

Despite myself,I cast a glance in the direction of the bed.It had not been disturbed:as for Marguerite,she had already changed into a white dressing-gown.

We sat down at table.

Charm,sweetness,high-spirits-Marguerite had everything,and from time to time I had to admit that I had no right to ask anything else of her,that many a man would be happy to be in my shoes and that,like Virgil's shepherd,I had only to partake of the easy times which a god,or rather a goddess,held out to me.

I tried to put Prudence's theories into practice and be as gay as my two companions.But what came naturally to them was an effort for me,and my excited laughter,which they misunderstood,was very close to tears.

At length,supper ended and I remained alone with Marguerite.As was her habit,she went and sat on her rug in front of the fire and looked sadly into the flames in the hearth.

She was thinking!Of what?I cannot say.But I looked at her with love and almost with dread at the thought of what I was prepared to suffer for her sake.

'Do you know what I was thinking?'

'No.'

'About this scheme I've hit on.'

'And what is this scheme?'

'I can't tell you yet,but I can tell you what'll happen if it works.What would happen is that is a month from now I'd be free,I wouldn't have any more debts,and we'd go and spend the summer in the country together.'

'And can't you tell me how this is to be managed?'

'No.All it needs is for you to love me as I love you,and everything will come out right.'

'And did you hit on this scheme all by yourself?'

'Yes.'

'And you will see it through alone?'

'I'll have all the worry myself,'Marguerite said with a smile which I shall never forget,'but we will both share the profits.'

I recalled Manon Lescaut running through M.de B's money with Des Grieux.

I answered a little roughly as I got to my feet:

'You will be good enough,my dear Marguerite,to allow me to share the profits of only those enterprises which I myself contrive and execute.'

'And what does that mean?'