'It means that I strongly suspect that Count de G is your associate in this splendid scheme,of which I accept neither the costs nor the profits.'
'Don't be childish.I thought you loved me,but I was wrong.As you wish.'
And,so saying,she got up,opened her piano and once more began playing The Invitation to the Waltz as for as the famous passage in the major key which always got the better of her.
Was this done out of habit,or was it to remind me of the day we first met?All I know is that with this tune,the memories came flooding back and,drawing close to her,I took her head in my hands and kissed her.
'Do you forgive me?'I said.
'Can't you tell?'she answered.'But note that this is just our second day,and already I've got something to forgive you for.You're not very good at keeping your promises of blind obedience.'
'I'm sorry,Marguerite,I love you too much,and I just have to know everything you think.What you suggested just now should make me jump for joy,but your mysteriousness about what happens before the plan is carried out makes my heart sink.'
'Oh come now,let's talk about this seriously for a moment,'she went on,taking my two hands and looking at me with a bewitching smile which I was quite incapable of resisting.'You love me,do you not,and you'd be happy to spend three or four months alone with me in the country?I too would be happy for us to be alone together,not just happy to go away with you but I need to for my health.I can't leave Paris for so long without putting my affairs in order,and the affairs of a woman like me are invariably very tangled.Well,I've found a way of bringing it all together-my affairs and my love for you,yes,you,don't laugh,I'm mad enough to be in love with you!And then you get all hoity-toity and start coming out with fine words.Silly boy!Silly,silly boy!Just remember that I love you and don't worry your head about a thing.Well,is it agreed?'
'Everything you want is agreed,as you know very well.'
In that case,a month from now we'll be in some village or other,strolling by the river and drinking milk.It must sound odd to you hearing me,Marguerite Gautier,talk like this.The fact is,my dear,that when life in Paris,which ostensibly makes me so happy,is not burning me out,it bores me.When that happens,I get sudden yearnings to lead a quieter life which would remind me of my childhood.Everybody,whatever has become of them since,has had a childhood.Oh!don't worry,I'm not about to tell you that I'm the daughter of a retired colonel and that I was raised at Saint-Denis.I'm just a poor girl from the country who couldn't even write her name six years ago.I expect you're relieved,aren't you!Why is it that you should be the first man I've ever approached to share the joy of the desire which has come upon me?I suppose it's because I sensed that you loved me for my sake and not for yours,whereas the others never loved me except for themselves.
I've been to the country many times,but never the way I should have liked.I'm counting on you to provide the ****** happiness I want.Don't be unkind:indulge me.Tell yourself this:'She's not likely to live to be old,and some day I should be sorry I didn't do the very first thing she ever asked me,for it was such a ****** thing.'
What answer could I give to such words,especially with the memory of a first night of love behind me and with the prospect of a second to come?
An hour later,I was holding Marguerite in my arms,and if she had asked me to commit a crime for her,I would have obeyed.
I left her at six in the morning.Before I went,I said:
'Shall I see you this evening?'
She kissed me harder,but did not reply.
During the day,I received a letter containing these words:
'Darling boy,I'm not very well and the doctor has told me to rest,I shall go to bed early tonight and so shall not see you.But,as a reward,I shall expect you tomorrow at noon.I love you.'
My first thought was:'She's deceiving me!'
An icy sweat broke out on my forehead,for I was already too much in love with her not to be aghast at the thought.
And yet I was going to have to expect it to happen almost daily with Marguerite;it had often happened with my other mistresses without it ever bothering me too much.How was it then that this woman had such power over my life?
Then,since I had the key to her apartment,I thought I might call and see her as usual.In this way,I should know the truth soon enough,and if I found a man there,I would offer to give him satisfaction.
To while away the time,I went to the Champs-Elysees.I stayed there for four hours.She did not make an appearance.In the evening,I looked in at all the theatres where she usually went.She was not in any of them.
At eleven o'clock,I made my way to the rue d'Antin.
There was no light in any of Marguerite's windows.Even so,I rang.
The porter asked me where I wanted to go.
'To Mademoiselle Gautier's,'I said.
'She's not back.'
'I'll go up and wait.'
'There's nobody in.'
Of course,he had his orders which I could have circumvented since I had a key,but I was afraid of an embarrassing scene and went away.
But I did not go home.I could not leave the street and did not take my eyes off Marguerite's house for a moment.I felt that I still had something to learn,or at least that my suspicions were about to be confirmed.
About midnight,a brougham,which was all too familiar,pulled up near number 9.
Count de G got out and went into the house after dismissing his coach.
For a moment,I hoped that he was about to be told,as I had been,that Marguerite was not at home,and that I should see him come out again.But I was still waiting at four in the morning.
These last three weeks,I have suffered a great deal.But it has been nothing compared with what I suffered that night.