经典搞笑雷人语录
◎My advantage is that I am handsome，but my disadvantage is that the handsomeness is not so obvious.
我的优点是：我很帅，我的缺点是：我帅的不够明显。
◎I curse your buying instant noodles without getting flavoring bags.
我诅咒你买方便面没有调料包。
◎When I went shopping one day，a group of girls stopped me，saying that I was handsome. But I denied it，and then they hit me and said I am hypocritical.
有一次我购物时，一群女孩把我拦住，她们说我帅，我不承认，她们就打我，还说我虚伪。
◎There are two things that I could not do in my life –I could not do this and I could not do that.
我这辈子只有两件事不会：这也不会，那也不会。
◎Never treat a dried shrimp not as seafood.
别把虾米不当海鲜。
◎I am an angel，and the reason why I can not go back to heaven is the problem of my weight.
我是天使，回不去天堂是因为体重的原因。
◎Since there are so many deceivers，it is very obvious that idiots are not enough.
骗子太多，傻子明显不够用了。
◎Your phone is much cheaper than the phone words fee.
你的手机比话费还便宜。
Perfect match
A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade，but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman.
Eventually，a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result，and the painter becomes famous.
Years later，he retires and turns the business over to his son.“Dad，”says the son，“there's something I've got to know. How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly？”“Son，” the father replies ，“I painted the vase.”
绝配
一位富婆为拥有一只珍贵的古玩花瓶而深感骄傲，以至于竟要把卧室漆成与花瓶同样的颜色。几名油漆匠努力想调出这个底色，但是谁也不能令那位古怪的老太婆满意。
最后，来了位油漆匠，自信能调出那种颜色。富婆对他做的活非常满意，油漆匠于是一举成名。
多年以后，他退休了，生意也交给了儿子。“爸爸，”儿子说：“有件事我想弄清楚，您是怎样使墙的颜色与花瓶配得那么完美的？”
“儿子，父亲回答说：我漆了花瓶。”
单词&词组
advantage [Ed5vB:ntidV] n.优势，有利条件，利益
disadvantage [7disEd5vB:ntidV] n.不利，不利条件，缺点，劣势
curse [kE:s] n.诅咒，咒语，祸根，祸因
flavoring [5fleIvErIN] n.调味品，调味料
hypocritical [7hipE5kritikEl] adj.伪善的，伪善者的
deceiver [di`si:vE(r)] n.欺人者，欺诈者
matron [5meitrEn] n.已婚老妇人
antique [An5ti:k] n.古物，古董
eccentric [ik5sentrik] n.古怪，偏执的
知道不知道
match常见表达
It is a match! 一言为定！就这样！
be no match for比不上，不是……的对手
best match最佳匹配；最佳配合
find [meet] one's match遇到对手，棋逢对手
let beggars match with beggars.龙配龙，凤配凤
make a match作媒
make a match of it结婚；促成一对
make a good match找到好对象
meddle with your match找一个和你势均力敌的人去欺负吧
play a match比赛