我将永远不回来了
Chaude and Cold
A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. “This is an outrage，” he complained. “The faucet marked C gave me boiling water.”
“But，Monsieur，C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal.”
“Wait a minute，” roared the patron. “The other tap is also marked C.”
“Of course，” said the manager，“It stands for cold. After all，Montreal is a bilingual city.”
热与冷
蒙特利尔自助餐厅的一位顾客拧开盥洗室的龙头，结果被水烫伤了。“这太可恶了，”他抱怨道，“标着C的龙头流出的是开水。”
“可是，先生，C代表Chaude－法语里表示‘热’的意思。如果您居住在蒙特利尔的话就得知道这一点。”
“等等，”那位顾客咆哮道，“另外一个龙头同样标的是C。”
“当然，”经理说道：“它代表冷。毕竟，蒙特利尔是个双语城市。”
Teacher：What great event happened in 1809？
Little Willy：Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher：Correct. And what great event happened in 1812？
Little Willy：Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday.
老师：1809年发生了什么重大事件？
小威利：亚伯拉罕-林肯诞生。
老师：正确。那么1812年发生了什么重要事件呢？
小威利：亚伯拉罕-林肯过三周岁生日。
Crazy driver
There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says，“Herman，be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280！”
Herman says，“I know，but there isn't just one，there are hundreds!”
疯狂的司机
一位高龄老人开着车在高速公路上驾车时，接到了妻子打来的电话。妻子焦急地告诉他说，“赫尔曼，小心！我刚从电台上听到报道说，在280号公路上有一个疯子正在逆行开车！”
赫尔曼说，“我知道，但不是一个，而是成百上千个！”
The umbrella
A gentleman staying in a hotel left his umbrella in the hall，but he had put on the handle a card on which was written：“This umbrella belongs to a gentleman who can lift up a hundred pounds. I shall be back in ten minutes.” When he came back，he found，instead of his umbrella，another card on which was written，“This card belongs to a man who can run ten miles an hour. I shall not come back.”
雨伞
一位住在旅馆的绅士把他的雨伞放在了大厅里，不过他在伞柄上系了一张卡片，上面写道，“此伞属于一位能举百磅的绅士。我将在十分钟内回来。”当他回来时，发现雨伞已经不翼而飞，取而代之的是另一张卡片，上面写着：“此卡是一位一小时能跑十英里的人留下的，我再也不回来了。”
A girl just like mother
No matter which girl he brought home，the young man found disapproval from his mother． A friend gave him advice．“Find a girl just like your mother—then she's bound to like her．”
So the young man searched and searched，and finally found the girl．He told his friendly adviser：
“Just like you said，I found a girl who looked，talked，dressed，and even cooked like mother．And just as you said，mother liked her.”
“So，”asked the friend，“what happened？”
“Nothing，”said the young man．“My father hates her！”
和母亲一样的女孩
有位青年发现无论带哪一个女孩回家，总会遭到母亲的反对。一位朋友劝他说：“找一个和你母亲一样的女孩——那她一定会喜欢她。”
于是这位青年人不停地找啊找，终于找到了这么个女孩。
他对这位朋友说：“正像你说的那样，我找到一个长相、谈吐、穿着打扮，甚至连烹饪都和我母亲一样的女孩。正像你说的那样，我母亲喜欢她。”
“那后来呢？”朋友问。
“没什么，”青年人说，“我父亲讨厌她！”
单词&词组
patron [5peitrEn] n.(对某人，某种目标，艺术等)赞助人，资助人
scald [skC:ld] n.烫伤，烫洗
outrage [5autreidV] n.暴行，侮辱，愤怒
faucet [5fC:sit] n.龙头，旋塞，(连接管子的)插口
bilingual [bai5liN^wEl] adj.两种语言的
senior [5si:njE] adj.年长的，资格较老的，地位较高的，高级的
知道不知道
在法语系国家，一般通用的热水标志是用C代表冷水、H代表热水；不过在法语系的国家，C是Chaud的缩写，表示热水，而冷水却用F，即Froid表示。
第一章 Time is money for both of us
时间对我们俩来说都是金钱
No cavities
A smiling boy arrived home from a dental visit，“Hey mom，the dentist says I have no cavities. ”
His mom stared at him wide-eyed and quite surprised，“It's impossible—you never brush your teeth after cleaning the chocolate box before you go to bed! ”
Then the boy opened his mouth—he had not a tooth left!
我没有蛀牙
小男孩看完牙医，面带微笑地回到家：“嘿，妈妈，牙医说，我一颗蛀牙也没有。”
妈妈惊讶地瞪大眼睛：“不可能——你每回上床睡觉前都把巧克力吃完，而且从来不刷牙！”
这时，男孩张开了嘴巴——他的牙全被拔光了！
What is a traitor？
Young hopeful：“Father，what is a traitor in politics？”
Father（a veteran politician）：“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one．”
Young hopeful：“Well then，what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours？”
Father：“A convert，my son．”
什么叫叛徒？
有希望的青年人：“父亲，什么叫政治叛徒？”
父亲（一位老资格的政治家）：“叛徒指的是离开我们党而加入到另一个党的人。”
有希望的青年人：“那么，离开他的党而加入到你们党的人又叫什么呢？”
父亲：“叫改变信仰者，我的儿子。”
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite.
The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was the more courteous because，whenever he got up and offered his seat，two ladies could sit down.
一个胖男人和一个瘦男人正在为谁更有礼貌而争吵。
瘦男人说他更礼貌，因为他总是向女士脱帽致意。但是胖男人说他更礼貌，因为无论何时他起身给女士让座，总是能让两位女士都坐下。
Time is money
As the taxi came to a screeching halt at a traffic light，I asked the driver，“Do you agree that ‘Time is money’？”
“Well，it's a very common saying. Who will care so much about that？” the driver answered. “Look，the digits in the meter are still running when the car has stopped，”I pointed at the meter.
“Oh，yes. You've got a point here. In this case，time is money for both of us.” added the driver.
时间就是金钱
当出租车在遇到红灯急刹车时，我问司机：“你同意‘时间就是金钱’这种说法吗？”
“哦，这是一个俗语。在这个问题上，谁会在意那么多呢？”司机回答说。
“看，车都停了，里程表上的数字还在跑呢。”我指着里程表说。
“哦，是的。你说的挺有道理的。在这种情况下，时间对我们俩来说都是金钱。”司机补充说。
He loves chocolate chips
An old man was laying on his bed. He had only hours to live when he suddenly smelled chocolate chips. He loved chocolate chips more than anything else in the world. With his last bit of energy，he pulled himself out of bed，across the floor，and to the stairs. Then down the stairs and into the kitchen. There his wife was baking chocolate chips. As he reached for one，he got SMACKED across the back of his hand by the wooden spoon his wife was holding. “Leave them alone!” she said，“They're for the funeral!”
他爱吃巧克力曲奇
老头躺在床上，只能再活几个小时了。突然，他闻到了巧克力曲奇的味道，他最爱吃这种饼干了。因此他用最后一点力气，翻下床，爬到楼梯那，下楼到了厨房。他老伴正在做巧克力曲奇。他拿了一块正想吃，这时手背被老伴用木勺打了一下，“放下！”她说，“这是葬礼上用的！”
单词&词组
cavity [5kAviti] n.洞，腔；窝
brush [brQF] n.刷子，毛刷，画笔
traitor [5treitE] n.叛逆者，叛国者
convert [kEn5vE:t] n.皈依者
tip [tip] n.顶，尖端
courteous [5kE:tjEs] adj.有礼貌的，谦恭的
screech [skri:tF] vt.尖声喊叫，尖叫声，急煞车声
halt [hC:lt] n.停止，暂停，中断
知道不知道
有关牙齿的词汇
a false tooth假牙
canine tooth犬牙，犬齿
incisor tooth切牙，门齿
milk tooth乳牙，乳齿
molar tooth磨牙，臼齿
wisdom tooth智牙，第三磨牙
periodontitis牙周炎