DCM的嗓音坚定而舒缓，他平静、流畅地对穆勒的担心予以了回应，在委婉地维护CIA的同时，也重申了美国政府对Wacky Fritz和德国少儿电视名人最关切的慰问。
3.（S/NF） Within five minutes, Müller appeared wholly mollified—perhaps even touched—by DCM抯 argument. Schnapps was poured and the meeting concluded with warm embraces and assurances of mutual cooperation, at which point Müller volunteered the address of Hoppy Boing Boing, a beloved Stuttgart-based kangaroo puppet with suspected ties to North Korea. （END DISPATCH.）
可能是被DCM的话打动了，不到五分钟，穆勒就如沐春风。倒上杜松子酒，会议以温暖的拥抱和互助协议而结束。此时穆勒自告奋勇，推荐了霍皮嘣嘣，一种可能与朝鲜有关系的基于斯图加特的袋鼠木偶。（结束）
外交电报之二
DATE：2010-10-21
SOURCE：Embassy Tel Aviv
SUBJECT：TWO-STATE SOLUTION
日期：2010年10月21日
来源：特拉维夫大使馆
主题：两国问题解决办法
1.（S/NF） Israeli Defense Minister Ehud Barak visited post to review new State Department-sponsored peace initiative. After carefully reviewing the one-page, six-hundred-word document, Barak removed his reading glasses and whispered, “By God, you抳e done it. You抳e actually done it.”He continued in a quavering voice, “And who could have guessed it was so simple！”
以色列国防部长埃胡德·巴拉克审查由国会赞助的和平倡议公告。在仔细查看一页600字的文件后，巴拉克摘掉了他的眼镜并低语道：“上帝啊，你居然都完成了。你真的完成了！”他继续激动地说道，“谁会相信这竟然这么简单！”
2. （S/NF） Within two hours, Barak was joined by Benjamin Netanyahu and Mahmoud Abbas, who both reacted with the same combination of relief and euphoria, and Abbas estimated chances of success at somewhere between “one hundred percent and one million percent.”Netanyahu was similarly effusive, praising the State Department抯 “seemingly preternatural ability”to anticipate and resolve “every infinitesimal detail”of the byzantine conflict without necessitating any territorial, economic, or sociological concessions from either side.
两小时后，巴拉克也加入了本杰明·内塔尼亚胡和穆罕默德·阿巴斯，他们的反映都是放松和兴奋。阿巴斯估计成功的概率介于“一百分之一和百万分之一”之间，内塔尼亚胡同样热情洋溢，赞扬国务院以“近乎超自然的能力”来预测和解决拜占庭式冲突中的“每一个细节”，却不需要任何一方在领土、经济或社会方面的任何让步。
3.（S/NF） Although Abbas and Netanyahu were eager to make a joint statement immediately, Ambassador successfully convinced them to delay the announcement until spring, 2011, so as to insure the best possible weather at Camp David. （END DISPATCH.）
尽管阿巴斯和内塔尼亚胡都迫不及待地想立即发表联合声明，但大使成功地说服他们将时间推迟到2011年春季，以确保戴维营的天气最佳。（结束）
外交电报之三
DATE：2010-09-01
SOURCE：Embassy Moscow
SUBJECT：MISSILE-DEFENSE SITE
日期：2010年9月1日
来源：莫斯科大使馆
主题：导弹防御地点
1.（S/NF） Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov entered meeting in a combative mood, denouncing the Pentagon抯 proposed ballistic-missile-defense site in Poland in the strongest terms. Lavrov suggested to DCM that continued US intransigence could destabilize US-Russia relations.
俄罗斯外长谢尔盖·拉夫罗夫以战斗的心态参加会议，强烈谴责五角大楼提出的将弹道导弹防御设在波兰的提议。拉夫罗夫对DCM示意，美国的顽固将会动摇美俄关系。
2.（S/NF） What followed can only be described as a masterpiece of modern diplomacy. Shifting effortlessly between Russian, French, and Ancient Greek, DCM unfurled a sweeping counterargument—not so much a policy discussion as a grand,deeply human drama worthy of Tolstoy—that incorporated elements of ballet, puppetry, and Hindu mysticism, and elicited both raucous laughter and bitter tears on four separate occasions. DCM concluded his presentation with a humble paean to the moon, accompanied by the soft roll of a timpani to symbolize the march of time.
接下来发生的事可以称得上是现代外交史上的杰作。在俄语、法语、古希腊语之间轻松转换，DCM进行了激烈的反驳，并不完全与盛大的、深入生活的托尔斯泰式的政治辩论类似，他的辩驳融合了芭蕾舞、木偶和印度教神秘主义元素，在四个不同的场合都让人捧腹大笑、忍俊不禁。DCM的演讲以谦卑的月亮赞歌，并伴随象征着时间前进的轻柔击鼓而结束。
3.（S/NF） Immediately, the room erupted in ecstatic applause, and the DCM was besieged by starstruck Russian diplomats who had apparently come to think of him as some sort of god. Foreign Minister Lavrov apologized for his insolence, and insisted that the USG proceed with the proposed missile-defense site with all haste. （END DISPATCH.）
随即，房间里爆发出欣喜若狂的掌声，而DCM被疯狂崇拜他的“追星族”：一些俄罗斯外交官围堵。拉夫罗夫外长对他的傲慢无礼道歉，同时认为美国政府可以立即进行建议中提出的导弹防御计划。（结束）
外交电报之四
DATE：2010-12-01
SOURCE：Embassy Kabul
SUBJECT：EMERGENCY MEETING
日期：2010年12月1日
来源：喀布尔大使馆
主题：紧急会议
1.（S/NF） At approximately 2300 hours, Senior Civilian Representative （SCR） Frank Ruggiero was summoned to the Presidential palace in Kabul. SCR was escorted through a hidden passageway to the banquet hall, where, to his astonishment, he found President Hamid Karzai chatting amiably with Taliban leader Mullah Omar and several members of the Pakistani ISI. At center was a large table laden with kebabs, savory flatbreads, and seasoned rice, and it was obvious that everyone had been smoking hashish for several hours.
大约在2300小时后，高级民事代表（SCR）的弗兰克·鲁杰罗被传唤到喀布尔的总统府。通过一个密道他被护送到宴会厅，他惊讶地发现总统哈米德·卡尔扎伊正与塔利班领导人奥马尔和几名巴基斯坦情报局成员亲切交谈。餐桌中央摆满了烤肉串、咸饼和米饭。很明显，每个人都已经吸了几小时的大麻。
2.（S/NF） Mullah Omar said that after weeks of soul-searching he had decided that it was time to “let bygones be bygones,”and that there was no issue that Taliban, GIRoA, and USG could not resolve through simple compromise and friendly games such as rock-paper-scissors.“After all,”he said,“it抯 just religion.”
毛拉·奥马尔说，经过几星期的自我反省，他已经下定决心“既往不咎”，塔利班、阿富汗政府和美国政府之间没有什么问题是不能通过和解或者石头剪刀布的方式来解决的。“毕竟，”他说，“这只是宗教问题。”
3.（S/NF） At this point, the President抯 brother Ahmed Wali Karzai （AWK） entered and presented SCR with a cashier抯 check for USD 400000000000 to cover various military and diplomatic costs incurred in Afghanistan since 2001, plus an eighteen percent gratuity.
此时，总统的弟弟艾哈迈德·瓦利·卡尔扎伊（AWK）进来了，并向SCR出示了一张4000亿美元的支票，以支付自2001年以来在阿富汗地区的各种军事和外交费用，并附加百分之十八的酬金。