书城外语淡定的人生不寂寞
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第18章 我们为什么不快乐 (4)

The first secret is gratitude. All happy people are grateful. Ungrateful people cannot be happy. We tend to think that being unhappy leads people to complain, but it’s truer to say that complaining leads to people becoming unhappy.

The second secret is realizing that happiness is a by-product of something else. The most obvious sources are those pursuits that give our lives purpose—anything from studying insects to playing baseball. The more passions we have, the more happiness we’re likely to experience.

Finally, the belief that something permanent transcends us and that our existence has some larger meaning can help us be happier. We need a spiritual or religious faith, or a philosophy of life. Your philosophy should encompass this truism: if you choose to find the positive in virtually every situation, you will be blessed, and if you choose to find the awful, you will be cursed. As with happiness itself, this is largely your decision to make.

我以前并不是一个非常快乐的孩子,像大多数十几岁的孩子一样,我总是沉浸在自己的烦恼中。但是,有一天,我豁然开朗:谁都有可能不快乐,那不需要任何勇气或努力,真正的挑战就在于,你努力想使自己快乐。

也许很多人都未曾听说过,快乐也要付出努力。我们通常认为,当我们很难控制或无法控制的好事降临时,快乐才随之而来。

然而,事实刚好相反:在很大程度上,我们自己控制着快乐。快乐是努力争取的成果,而不是等待的结果。

要让生活更加快乐,我们必须扫除一些绊脚石,以下是其中三个:

与他人攀比

大多数人都喜欢与自认为比自己快乐的人比较——亲戚、熟人,或者是我们不甚了解的人。我曾经遇到一个年轻人,他的巨大成功和快乐让我羡慕不已。他说他非常爱自己漂亮的妻子和女儿们,也为能在自己喜欢的城市做一个电台脱口秀节目主持人而感到高兴。我记得当时以为他是那些为数不多的幸运儿之一,一切都那么轻而易举。

然后我们谈到了因特网,他告诉我,他感激它的存在,因为从网上能查到大量硬化症的信息——他的妻子一直承受着这种可怕疾病的折磨。我现在还记得,当时竟愚蠢地认为他的生活没有丝毫不快。

完美主义

几乎每个人都对自己的生活有一番设想,可问题是,人们的工作、配偶和孩子很少能达到理想的境地。

就拿我的亲身经历来说:我的家族中以前从未有人离过婚,我也认为结婚是一辈子的事。所以,当我和妻子在儿子出生3年后离婚时,我觉得整个世界都崩塌了,我认定自己是一个失败者。

后来,我向再婚的妻子弗兰诉苦:我认为自己的家庭生活已经失败,而这样的感觉一直无法摆脱。她问我,我们现在的家庭(包括她和前夫的女儿,我的儿子)有什么问题吗?我必须承认,除了只有一半的时间与儿子相处,令我感到痛苦外(我和前妻分担监护权),我们的家庭生活非常美满幸福。

“那么,为什么你不因此而庆幸呢?”她问道。

我正决定这样做,前提是我必须清除想象中的“完美家庭”。

“缺失的砖块”综合征

紧盯着某瑕疵会极大地破坏幸福,就像抬头看天花板,注意力只集中在缺失一块瓷砖的地方。正如一个秃顶的人告诉我:“无论何时走进一个房间,我看到的全是头发。”

我花了几年时间研究快乐,得出的最重要的结论之一是:人们感受快乐的程度,与他们的生活条件并无太大关联。只要联系一下现实,这个结论便显而易见了。我们都知道,一些人的生活相对安逸,却并不快乐;我们也知道,有些人遭受了巨大的痛苦,却仍旧很开心。

第一个秘诀是感恩的心。所有快乐的人都满怀感激,而不知感恩的人则感受不到快乐。我们以为,不快乐的人才会一味地抱怨,事实上,正是抱怨使人们变得不快乐。

第二个秘诀是认识到快乐是一种其他事情的副产品。快乐最主要的根源在于,是追求让我们的生活有了目的——从研究昆虫到打棒球。我们拥有更多的激情,就会感受到更多的快乐。

最后,相信某种永恒会超越我们,我们的存在有更伟大的意义,这些会帮助我们享受更多快乐。我们需要精神上或宗教上的信仰,或是一种生活的哲理。你的人生哲学应该包括这个公认的真理:如果你在任何情况下都选择发现事实的积极面,你就会感到快乐;如果选择关注消极面,你就会痛苦。快乐本身,在很大程度上取决于你所做的决定。

记忆填空

1. One day, however, it _______ to me that I was taking the easy way out. Anyone could be _______ ; it took_______ courage or effort. True challenge lay in struggling to be _______.

2. One effective _______ of sabotaging happiness is to look at something and be fixated on _______ the smallest flaw. It’s like looking up at a filed ceiling and concentrating on the space _______ one tile is missing.

3. The second secret is realizing that _______ is a by-product of something else. The most obvious sources are those pursuits that give our lives _______ —anything from studying insects _______ playing baseball. The more passions we have, the more happiness we’re_______ to experience.

佳句翻译

1. 真正的挑战就在于,你努力想使自己快乐。

2. 人们感受快乐的程度,与他们的生活条件并无太大关联。

3. 快乐本身,在很大程度上取决于你所做的决定。

短语应用

1. We assume it’s a feeling that comes as a result of good things...

as a result of:由于……的结果

2. Most of us compare ourselves with anyone we think is happier...

compare with:比得上;与……相比

五条法则

Five Simple Rules

佚名 / Anonymous

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred ;

2. Free your mind from worries;

3. Live simply;

4. Give more;

5. Expect less.

No one can go back and make a brand new start. Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.

God don’t promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He do promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way.

Disappointments are like road humps, they slow you down a bit but you enjoy the smooth road afterwards.

Don’t stay on the humps too long. Move on!

When you feel down because you didn’t get what you wanted, just sit tight and be happy because God is thinking of something better to give you.

When something happens to you, good or bad, consider what it means. There’s a purpose to life’s events, to teach you how to laugh more or not to cry too hard.

You can’t make someone love you, all you can do is being someone who can be loved, and the rest is up to the person to realize your worth.

The measure of love is when you love without measure.

In life there are very rare chances that you’ll meet the person you love and loves you in return. So once you have it, don’t ever let go, the chance might never come your way again.

It’s better to lose your pride to the one you love than to lose the one you love because of pride.

We spend too much time looking for the right person to love or finding fault with those we already love, when instead we should be perfecting the love we give.

When you truly care for someone, you don’t look for faults, you don’t look for answers, and you don’t look for mistakes. Instead, you forgive the mistakes, you accept the faults, and you overlook the excuses.

Never abandon an old friend. You will never find one who can take his place. Friendship is like wine, it gets better as it grows older.

记住以下5条简单的快乐法则:

1.让心灵从憎恨中解脱;

2.让情绪从焦虑中解脱;

3.简单地生活;

4.更多地付出;

5.更少地期待。

没有人能回到过去,重新开始,但谁都可以从现在开始,开创一个崭新的未来。

上帝并未承诺我们的日子不会痛苦,没有悲伤只有欢笑,没有雨天只有阳光,但是他给予了我们生活的力量,安慰了我们痛苦的心灵,也照亮了我们前行的方向。

失望就像人生道路上的山丘,它们使你前行的脚步迟缓,但是,一旦越过它们,你便踏上了坦途。

不要在山丘上停留太久,继续前进!

当你为得不到渴求的东西而沮丧时,请坚持你的渴求,并快乐地等待,因为上帝正在考虑让更好的事降临到你头上。