Then, a school fact contradicted contradict vt.同……矛盾, 同……抵触 something he said. Impossible that he could be wrong, but there it was in the book.
These accumulated over time, along with personal experiences, to buttress buttress vt.支持, (以扶壁)扶住 my own developing sense of values. And I could tell we had each taken our own, perfectly normal paths.
有一天,事情发生了转变,直到今日我才意识到。我并没有过多的尝试取悦父亲,而是试着给他留下深刻的印象。
我从未请他来看我的橄榄球比赛。他的工作压力很大,我不希望他因为观看我的比赛而必须在周五的晚上工作到深夜。但每到大型比赛,当我向看台四周望去的时候,总会看到他戴的那顶熟悉的软呢帽。同时还要感谢上帝,对方队长总会得到一个让他铭记于心、坚定而有力的握手,并同时伴着坚定的眼神。
后来,我在学校学到的一个事实父亲说过的一些话相矛盾。他不可能会错的,可书上却是那样写的。
就这样,日积月累,加上个人的生活经历,使我逐渐形成了自己的人生观和价值观。可以说:我俩开始各走各的阳关道了。
I began to see, too, his blind spots, his prejudicesprejudice n.偏见, 成见, 损害, 侵害 and his weaknesses. I never threw these up at him. He hadnt to me, and, anyway, he seemed to needprotection.
I stopped asking his advice; the experiences he drew from no longer seemed relevant relevant adj.有关的, 相应的 to the decisions I had to make.
He volunteered advice for a while. But then, in more recent years, politics and issues gave way to talk of empty errands and, always, to ailments ailment n.疾病(尤指微恙), 不宁, 不安 .
From his bed, he showed me the many sores and scars on his misshapenmisshapen adj.奇形怪状的, 畸形的 body and all the bottles for medicine. “Sometimes,” he confidedconfide
v.倾诉, 委托, 信赖 , “ I would just like to lie down and go to sleep and not wake up.”
同时,我也开始发现他在某些事上的无知、偏见,还有他的弱点。我不曾在他面前提起这些,他也不曾在我面前说起,但无论怎样,他看起来需要保护了。
我开始不再征求他的意见;他生平所汲取的经验似乎也和我要的决定不相干了。
他也会偶尔提出一些建议,可到了后来,尤其是在近几年里,父亲口中的政治与时事已被空洞乏味的琐事与疾病所代替了。
躺在床上,他把那被岁月扭曲了的身体上的疤痕以及他所有的药瓶儿都指给我看。他倾诉着:“有时,我真想躺下睡一觉,不再醒来。”
After much thought and practice (“You can do whatever you have to do.” ), one night last winter, I sat down by his bed and remembered for an instant those terrifyingterrifying adj.极大的, 可怕的 dark holes in another house 35 years before.
I told my father how much I loved him. I described all the things people were doing for him. But, I said, he kept eating poorly, hiding in his room and violating violate vt.违犯, 亵渎(圣物), 冒犯, 干扰, 违反, 妨碍, 侵犯, 强暴 the doctors orders.
No amount of love could make someone else care about life, I said; it was a twoway street. He wasnt doing his best. The decision was his.
He said he knew how hard my words had been to say and how proud he was of me. “I had the best teacher,” I said. “You can do whatever you have to do.” He smiled a little. And we shook hands, firmly, for the last time.
我再三思考与亲身体验(“凡是你必须做的事你都能做到”)这一规则,在去年冬天的一个夜晚,我坐在他的床边,忽然间想起35年前在另一栋房子里的那些可怕的黑洞。
我告诉父亲我有多爱他,还向他讲了人们为他所做的一切。可话题一转,我又开始埋怨父亲总是吃得太少,躲在屋里,又不听医生的话。
我还对他说,除非本人的意愿,再多的爱也不能使一个人去珍惜自己的生活,那是一条双行道,而他并没有尽力,一切只能由他自己决定。
他说他深知要我说出这些话多么不易,他是多么以我为荣。“因为我有位最好的老师,”我说,“凡是你必须做的事你都能做到。”他微微地笑了,然后我们便握了手,那是坚定的握手,也是最后一次。
Several days later, at about 4 A.M., my mother heard Dad shuffling about their dark room. “I have some things I have to do,” he said. He paid a bundle bundle n.捆, 束, 包v.捆扎 of bills. He composed for my mother a long list of legal and financial whattodos “in case of emergency.” And he wrote me a note.
Then he walked back to his bed and laid himself down. He went to sleep, naturally. And he did not wake up.
几天以后,大约在凌晨四点钟的时候,母亲听到父亲漆黑的房间里缓慢地来回踱着步。他说:“有些事我不得不做。”之后,他付了一叠账单,并给母亲留了一张长长的清单,上面满是法律和经济上应该要做的事情,然后又给我留下了一张写有“以防不测”的字条。
接着,他回到床上躺下了。他睡得十分安详,再也没有醒来。
这是一段通常人都经历的心路历程:开始我们仰视父亲;后来渐渐地自以为是;最后,我们还是发现父亲的教诲使我们终生受益。我们为这位儿子感到欣慰,因为他终于在父亲生前告诉了他自己有多么爱他,多么感激他的教导。这份真挚的情感称不上轰轰烈烈,但却是最为令人怀念的。