I think they were relieved to hear me say that I was not trying to replace their real father.
I Was Stepdad
When I tell my Chinese acquaintances acquaintance n.相识， 熟人 that I have a daughter and a son， they reply that I am lucky because I have the perfect family. When I add that they are my stepchildren， some people are surprised that I would agree to bring up someone elses children； others wonder what problems exist in such a relationship； most ask if I wish I had children who were “really” mine.
我想他们听到我无意取代他们的生父，就放心了。
我当继父
当我告诉我的中国朋友我有一儿一女时，他们都反应我是幸运的，这缘于我有一个美满的家庭，当我又说到我是孩子的继父时，有人对我同意抚养人家的孩子感到惊讶，还有人想知道我们之间存在什么问题，大多数人问我是否想要属于自己的亲生孩子。
My wife and I married in 1987 when her children were eight and four. We had known each other for several years， and her kids knew me well already. We had spent a lot of time together， and the children had known for a while that I was going to become their stepdad.
Still， once we were married， many things changed abruptly abruptly adv.突然地， 唐突地 . My wife took a new job in a new town， so we moved. Some of her old furniture got left behind， some of mine got added； the children left some toys， some clothes and a ton of memories in their old house where father was living.
But it was not only a different constellation of material surroundings to which everyone had to adjust. I had never had children， and now my wifes children were with me day and night， well or ill， happy or sad， sometimes acutely acutely adv.尖锐地， 剧烈地 missing their real dad.
1987年我和妻子结婚，那时她的孩子一个8岁一个4岁，我们彼此认识已有几年了，孩子们也已熟悉我，我们在一起度过了很多时光，孩子们早已知道我将成为他们的继父。
然而，我们结婚后，很多事突然间发生了改变。我的妻子在新城得到一份新工作，我们就搬家了。她扔掉了她的一些旧家具，我添了一些家具；孩子们则把一些玩具、衣物和很多记忆留在了老房子里——那儿还住着他的亲生父亲。
但是，我们每个人需要适应的变化并不只是物质环境的变化。我不曾有过孩子，如今，妻子的孩子与我朝夕相伴，无论他们是健康还是生病，是快乐还是悲伤，有时他们还是很想念他们的亲生父亲。
And always， no matter what their mood or mine， they needed parenting from me. I was suddenly required to make decisions about going out to play after dinner， about bedtime， about bathing， about school clothes and rain gear. I had to help them with their homework. I had to read to them， and remind remind vt.提醒， 使想起 them to eat their vegetables and brush their teeth.
My wife too found herself almost overnight sharing the parenting of her children with someone new. At times we disagreed. Perhaps I thought the children should be allowed to have a friend stay overnight but she felt they needed a good nights sleep. Maybe I thought they should be made to practice the piano but she felt it was their responsibilityresponsibility n.责任， 职责 to do it voluntarily voluntarily adv.自动地， 自愿地 .
但一直以来，不管他们情绪如何或者我的情绪如何，他们都需要我的父爱。忽然间，关于孩子们饭后出去玩、睡觉时间、洗澡、校服、雨具之类的事，我就需要做出决定以便安排。我还必须帮助他们完成功课，必须为他们读书，提醒他们吃蔬菜和刷牙。
妻子几乎也在一夜间发现就要与一个新来的人共同分担为人父母的重任。有时，我们会产生分歧，比如，也许我认为孩子可以和朋友玩通宵，而妻子则认为他们需要好的睡眠；也许我认为应该强制他们多练习钢琴，但她觉得这是孩子自愿做的，没有必要强求。
The four of us had all the predictable disagreements and typical trials that beset any family. Plus there was this other man—my wifes first husband， the childrens dad—who was an equal partner in the major decisions affecting the childrens lives.
His parenting style was quite unlike ours. The kids behaved very differently around him， and we could detect the influence when they returned from even a weekend with him. Also， he remarried， adding another adult to the mix； and then he and his new wife had two more children.
So how have things turned out in our complex family？ Terrific！ My daughter， now almost 23， has graduated from college and is working in Washington； my 19yearold son is a freshman in college.
My wife and I spent last year together in Beijing， and this year she is working in the US.My kids real dad is still in Vermont with his wife and two small children.
在我们四个人当中存在着任何家庭可预的分歧及典型的琐事，再加上另一个男人的存在——我妻子的前夫，孩子们的生父——在影响孩子生活的重大决定中他拥有平等的权利。
他与我们的为人父母风格很不一样，孩子们在他身边行为举止大不一样，哪怕只是和他过个周末，孩子们回来后我们也能觉察出这种影响。他同样也再婚了，又一个大人加了进来；不久，他和第二个妻子有了两个孩子。
那么，在我们这个复杂的家庭中现况如何？挺好的！我女儿快23岁了，已经大学毕业，目前在华盛顿工作，19岁的儿子是大一新生。
去年我和妻子在北京度过，今年她在美国工作。孩子们的生父和他的妻子还有两个孩子仍然住在佛蒙特州。
My children say that they have four parents and more than twice as many grandparents. Everyone， while still grounded in our unusual family structure， is striving strive v.努力， 奋斗， 力争， 斗争 to develop independent， productive lives， motivated by curiosity and passion， directed toward doing some good in the world.
Why does our family seem to have worked？ I think its because we talked to each other all the time， about anything and everything. No topic was off limits， no subject was too embarrassing or too controversial controversial adj.争论的， 争议的 ； no mistake or good deed， no conflict or success passed without comment or analysis analysis n.分析， 分解 .
We asked questions. We gave answers. We criticized. Sometimes we fought. But we always talked. We listened and we each expected to be listened to.
我的孩子们说，他们有两个父亲和两个母亲，而祖父母是父母的两倍多。对于仍然植根于不寻常的家庭结构中的每个人，我们都为开拓独立的且是创新的生活而奋斗着。我们有着强烈的好奇心和不懈的热情，朝着世上美好的方向而努力。
为什么我们家庭看起来和睦融洽呢？我认为这是缘于我们彼此对于任何事情和每件事情一直展开心扉；我们无话可说，没有话题会让我们太过尴尬，也不会让我们争执不下；彼此间的任何功过是非，评论或分析任何矛盾或成功。
我们彼此有问必答；我们相互批评，有时还会打闹。但我们总是在谈心，我们倾听，也盼望倾诉。