A Bad Doctor
A man walked into a doctor，s examining room.
“Put out your tongue，”the doctor said.
The man put out his tongue and the doctor said.
“O. K. You can put your tongue back now. ”the doctor said. “it，s clear what，s wrong with you. You need more exercise.”
“But， doctor，”the man said. “I don，t think-”
“ Don，t tell I me what you think， the doctor said I am the doctor， not you. I know what you need. I see hundreds of people like you. None of them get any exercise. They sit in offices all day and in front of the television in the evening. What you need is to walk quickly for at least 20 minutes a day. ”
“Doctor， you don，t understand，” the patient said “I-”
“I don，t want to hear any excuses， ” the doctor said. “You must find time for exercise. If you don，t， you will get fat and have health problems when you are older. ”
“But I walk every day，” the patient said.
“Oh， yes， and I know what kind of walking that is. You walk a few feet to the train station from your house， a few more feet from the station to your office ， and a few more feet from your office to a restaurant for lunch and back. That，s not real walking. I，m talking about a walk in the park for twenty minutes every day. ”
“Listen to me， doctor！” the patient shouted， getting angry with this doctor who thought he knew everything.
“I，m a mailman，” the patient went on， “and I walk for seven hours every day. ”
For a moment the doctor was silent， then he said quietly， “Put your tongue out again， will you？”
Notes：
(1) examining room检查室
(2) mailman n.邮递员
庸医
一人走进一家诊所。
“伸出舌头，”医生说。
那人伸出舌头，医生很快地看了一下。
“好了，把舌头缩回去吧。”医生说，“你的病因很明显。你需要更多的运动。”
“但是，医生，”那人说，“我不认为——”
“不要告诉我你认为怎么样，”医生说，“我是医生，不是你。我知道你需要什么。我看过数以百计你这样的病人。他们没有一个人锻炼过。他们整天坐在办公室里，晚上就坐在电视机前。你所需要的是每天至少快跑20分钟。”
“医生，你不知道，”病人说，“我——”
“我不想听任何理由。”医生说，“你应该抽出时间来运动。如果你不锻炼，那么当你老的时候，你就会变得很胖，并且有健康问题。”
“但我每天都走路的，”病人说。
“喔，是的。我知道那是一种怎样的散步。你走几英尺的路，从家到火车站，又走几英尺从车站到办公室，然后走几英尺从办公室到餐馆去吃中饭再回来。那不是真正的散步。我所说的是每天在公园里散步20分钟。”
“请听我说，医生！”病人叫起来，对那位自以为什么都知道的医生很生气。
“我是一名邮递员，”病人接着说，“我每天得走7小时的路。”
医生闷在那里半天无语。然后他轻声地说：“再把你的舌头伸出来，行吗？”
A Bad Impression
My husband and I are both writers. During dinner conversations， we often tell our children about our working days. It wasn，t clear how much they absorbed until one day I overheard my sevenyearold， Lucy， cry out in frustration at her fiveyearold sister， Charlotte， “You， you... you editor！”
Notes：
(1) impression n.印象
(2) absorb v.吸收（知识等）
(3) overhear v.偶然听到
(4) frustration n.挫折
坏印象
我丈夫和我都是作家。晚夕谈话中，我们经常给孩子们谈到我们的工作。没人清楚他们听懂了多少。直到有一天，我偶然听到七岁的女儿卢希烦恼地向她五岁的妹妹喊道：“你，你——你这个编辑！”
A Boy with a Big Head
A boy cried to his mother， “All the children make fun of me. They say I have a big head.”
“Don，t listen to them，” his mother said， “You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store to buy twenty pounds of patotoes.”
“Where is the shopping bag？”
“I haven，t got one use your hat.”Notes：
(1) make fun of取笑；嘲弄
(2) shopping bag购物袋
大头娃娃
一个小男孩向他母亲哭诉道：“他们都取笑我，说我脑袋大。” “别听他们的，”他母亲安慰道，“你有一个很漂亮的脑袋。好啦，别哭了，去商店买十斤土豆来。”
“购物袋在哪儿？”
“没购物袋了——就用你的帽子吧。”
A Branch Office
A man was standing at a corner， with a hat in each hand， waiting for handouts. A passerby stopped and dropped a coin in one hat， then asked， “What，s the other hat for？”
“Business has been so tremendous lately. ” the man replied. “ that I decided to open a branch office. ” Notes：
(1) handout n. 施舍
(2) tremendous adj.极好的
分店
一个人站在墙角处，两手各托一顶帽子，乞求施舍。有个路过的行人停下来，往一顶帽子里扔了一枚硬币，然后问道：“另一顶帽子是干什么用的？”
“近来生意兴隆，我决定开一个分店，”那人答道。
A Call from a Frog
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told， “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you . ”
The frog says， “This is great！ Will I meet her at a party， or what？”
“No，” says the psychic. “Next semester in her biology class. ”Notes：
(1) frog n.青蛙
(2) psychic n.通灵之人
(3) semester n.（美国）一个学期
(4) biology n.生物学
青蛙的电话
青蛙拨打通灵热线。电话中说：“你将遇到一位美丽的年轻女子，她要了解你的一切。”
青蛙说：“这太棒了！我会在舞会上遇见她，还是——？”
“不，”通灵者说，“是在下个学期她的生物课上。”
A Challenging Hunt
A woman answered her front door and found two boys holding a list. “Lady，” one of them explained， “we are on a treasure hunt， and we need three grains of wheat， a porkchop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar.”
“Wow，” the woman replied， “who sent you on such a challenging hunt？” “Our babysitter，s boyfriend. ”Notes：
(1) porkchop 猪肉排
(2) carbon paper复写纸
富有挑战性的搜寻
一个妇人打开前门，看到两个男孩手里拿着一张字条。“夫人，”其中一个解释道，“我们在寻宝。我们需要三颗麦粒、一块猪排骨、一张用过的复写纸来挣一美元。”
“哦，”那位妇女回答道：“谁让你们作这样富有挑战性的搜寻的？”
“是我们保姆的男朋友。”
A Clever Dog
A dog owner claimed that his pet， when given money， would go to the news stall to buy a paper. His friend insisted on a demonstration and handed the dog some money- The dog trotted off， but an hour later he had still not returned with the paper.
“How much did you give him？” asked the owner.
“Five dollars. ”
“Well， that explains it. When you give him five dollars， he goes to a movie. ”Notes：
(1) claim v.声称
(2) when given money是 when he was given money 的省略
(3) news stall n.售报亭
(4) insist on 坚持
(5) demonstration n.演示
(6) trot off 小步跑开
聪明狗
一位养狗人宣称：要是给了爱犬钱，它便会到卖报亭买份报纸来。他的朋友坚持要来个演示，并给了狗一些钱。狗一溜小跑着去了。但一个小时过去了，仍不见它带报纸回来。
“你给了它多少钱？”狗的主人问。
“五元。”
“这就是了。你给它五元钱时，它就去看电影。”
A Coach and His Players
I was the new coach of a Little League baseball team and had not yet learned the names of my players. At our first game， I called each boy by the number on his uniform. When I yelled，“Number 5， your time to bat， ” Jeff Smith came to the plate to hit. When I called for “Number 7”， Steve Heinz jumped up. Then I asked for “Number 1”， and no one emerged from the dugout. Again I called for Number 1. Still no one.
As the umpire looked on， annoyed at this delay of the game， I shouted， “Who is Number 1？”
That，s when the whole team yelled， “We are， Coach！ We are！ ”
Notes：
(1) coach n.教练
(2) baseball n.棒球
(3) bat v.（用棒）击
(4) plate n.（棒球）本垒
(5) emerge v.出现
(6) dugout n.隐蔽壕
(7) umpire n.裁判员
教练与他的队员
我初到一小团体棒球队作教练，还不知道队员的名字。在第一次比赛中，我按照每一名队员球衣的号数来指挥。当我大声喊道：“5号，你该击球了。”“杰夫·史密斯到本垒击球。当我叫到“7号”时，史迪夫·汉斯就跳起来。然后我叫到“1号”，却没人从隐蔽壕里跳出来。我又叫了一遍1号。还是没人跳出来。 ”
因为裁判在旁观看，我很生气这支球队的懒散，大声吼道：“谁是1号（第一）？”
这时全体队员大喊道；“是我们，教练！我们是！”
A Gentle Reminder
Having been married a long time， my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. On the morning of our 35th anniversary， we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted， “Honey， do you realize that we，ve been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years？”
Putting down the newspaper， he looked straight at me and said， “So， you want to switch seats？” Notes：
(1) reminder n. 提醒
(2) anniversary n.周年纪念
(3) hint v.暗示
(4) switch v.改变 委婉提醒
婚后已久，我丈夫往往在一个特别事情上需要委婉的提醒。在我们结婚35周年纪念的早上，我们正坐在早餐桌旁，我暗示道：“亲爱的，你意识到我们在这两个相同的座位上已坐了整整35年了吗？”
他放下报纸，眼睛直直地望着我：“因此，你想交换座位吗？”