One stupid guy reads an ad about a vacation cruise that costs only 100.After he signs up and pays， the travel agent hits him with a bat， knocks him unconscious and throws him out the back door into the river. Soon another guy comes in， pays his fee and gets the same treatment
Fifteen minutes later， as the two are floating down the river together， the first man says， “I wonder if they，re serving any food on this cruise.”
“I don， t know， ”the second guy replied. “They didn，t last year.” Notes：
(1) cruise n.乘船巡游；巡航
(2) sign up签约
(3) bet n.棒
(4) unconscious adj.没有知觉的；不省人事的
假日巡航游
一愚笨之人读到一则假日巡航游只须花100元的广告。在他签了字付了款后，旅游经纪人用棒猛击了他一下，把他打昏了过去，并把他从后门扔进了河里。不久又来了一个人，付了钱并得到了相同的待遇。
十五分钟后，这两个人一起向河的下游漂去。第一个人说：“不知道他们这次巡航游是否提供食物。”
“不知道，”第二个人说道，“去年是没有的。”A Wild Guess
Our physics professor was struggling to draw the class into discussion of Archimede，s principle of water displacement. He told us that Archimede noticed that when he got into a pool at the public bathhouse， the water rose spilling over the edge. Excited at his discovery， he ran down the street yelling， “Eureka， Eureka！ ”The instructor asked if anyone knew what that meant.
One student stood up and answered， “I，m naked ！ I，m naked！” Notes：
(1) draw the class into discussion引导全班讨论
(2) principle n.原理
(3) displacement n. 排水量
(4) spill v.（指液体或粉末）溢出；洒出
(5) yell v.叫；喊
奇猜异想
我们的物理教授千方百计引导我们讨论阿基米德的排水原理。他告诉我们阿基米德去公共浴池洗澡，他进入池子，发现水涨高了，溢出池沿。他对这一发现十分激动，跑到街上高叫：“Eureka，Eureka！”教授问我们谁知道他喊的是什么意思。
一个学生站起来答道：“我光屁股啦，我光屁股啦！”
A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City，s Grand Central Terminal-As I neared the gate， a plump， middleaged woman sprinted up from behind， lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her， however， she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure， she winked at me and said， “Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet？” Notes：
(1) rush hour n. （大城市上下班时的）拥挤时刻；高峰时刻
(2) dash v.猛冲
(3) terminal n.（铁路、公路的）终点站
(4) near v.接近；靠近
(5) plump adj. 圆胖的；丰满的
(6) sprint v.以全速缩短距离
(7) momentum n.动量（即物体质量与速度之乘积）
(8) scramble v.爬
(9) composure n.泰然自若
摔倒的女人
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上 ，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？” A Woman，s Answer
A husband said to his wife，“ Why did God create women to be beautiful but foolish？”
“Well，” his wife answered at once.“ The reason is very simple. God made us beautiful so men would love us； God made us foolish so we would marry them.”Notes：
(1) create v.创造
(2) foolish adj.愚蠢的
妇女的回答
一位丈夫对他的妻子说：“为什么上帝把妇女创造得如此美丽却又愚蠢呢？”
“噢，”他的妻子立刻回答道，“原因很简单。上帝使我们如此美丽，男人才会爱我们。上帝使我们如此愚蠢，我们才会嫁给他们。”
An Ad
After a beautiful purebred puppy wandered onto our back porch and made himself at home， my husband composed an ad for the “Lost and Found” column of the local newspaper. It read： “A puppy， male， approximately nine months old， no collar， very friendly， found on Rockbridge Road. ”
I feared all the detail might encourage an unscrupulous person to claim the dog. As I methodically explained why each clue revealed too much， my husband dutifully crossed out the words. Finally， in frustration， he rewrote the ad， reducing it to a single sentence that I couldn，t refute.
It read： “Guess what I found？” Notes：
(1) purebred adj.纯种的
(2) puppy adj.小狗；幼犬
(3) porch n.门廊
(4) compose v.构思；作
(5) approximately adv.将近
(6) cellar n.项圈
(7) unscrupulous adj.无耻的
(8)methodically adj.有条不率地
(9)clre n.线索
(10)reveal v.透露(11)dutifully adv.尽职地
(12)cross out 画横线以删除(13)frustration n.挫折
(14)refute v.反驳
广告
一只漂亮的纯种狗来到我们的后门廊并已此为家了。我丈夫为当地的“失物招领”栏目构思了一则广告。它是这样写的：“小狗，雄性，近九个月年龄，无项圈，很友善，发现于石桥路。”
我害怕这样的细节会给那些昧着良心要狗的人以可乘之机。我有条不紊地解释为什么每个线索都透露得太多，我丈夫就尽职地划去一些词。终于，出于为难，他重新写了广告，把它缩为一个我无法反驳的句子。
它是这样写的：“猜猜我发现了什么？”
An Exact Number
A tourist was visiting New Mexico and was amazed at the dinosaur bones lying about.
“How old are these bones？” the tourist asked an elderly Native American， who served as a guide.
“Exactly one hundred million and three years old.”
“How can you be so sure？” inquired the tourist.
“Well，” replied the guide， “ a geologist came by here and told me these bones were one hundred million years old， and that was exactly three years ago.” Notes：
(1) New Mexico 新墨西哥（美国州名）
(2) be amazed at 对……感到惊诧
(3) dinosaur n.恐龙（已绝迹的巨大爬行动物）
准确数字
一位游客在新墨西哥游览。他对随处可见的恐龙化石甚感惊奇。
“这些化石有多长的历史？”游客问一个上了年纪的当地美国人。他是作向导的。 ”
“整整十亿零三年了。”
“你怎么这么肯定？”游客问道。
“哦，”向导回答道，“一个地质学家来过这儿，他告诉我说这些化石有十亿年了，再加上那是整整三年前的事了。”
An Excellent Scheme
After 20 years as a pilot， I became an airport manger and soon found the stress was getting to me. I needed a release and wanted to buy a motorcycle， but my family thought it was too dangerous. My wife said， “Why don，t you start flying again？”
The next day， as I showed a businessman around the airport， he looked longingly at the planes.“ I used to take flying lessons， but my wife made quit，” he lamented. “She said it was dangerous. ”
“Tell her you want to get a motorcycle，” I advised. My new riend has now earned his pilot，s license. Notes：
(1) stress n. 压力；压迫
(2) Why don，t you start flying again？何不再度开始飞行呢？Why don， t you...？用来提出建议等。
(3) longingly adv. 渴望地
(4) lament v.惋惜
妙计
做了二十年的飞行员后，我成为一名机场管理人员。不久，我就发现压力向我袭来。我需要放松，于是想买一辆摩托，但我的家人认为那玩艺儿太危险了。我妻子说：“何不再度开始飞行呢？”
第二天，我带领一个商人参观机场时，他渴望地望着那些飞机。
“我过去经常参加飞行方面的学习，但我太太硬是让我放弃掉，”他惋惜道，“她说那有危险。”
“告诉她你想买一辆摩托，”我建议道。我这位新朋友现在已经拿到飞行执照。
An Urgent Standby Passenger
While in Korea， Gov. Mike Smith of Utah was relaxing in the VIP lounge the Seoul airport， awaiting his flight to Japan. At the same moment ， his press secretary， Jenny Varela， was being told at the ticket counter that she had no ticket.
After insisting she had to make the flight because she was with a U. S. governor， an American embassy aide intervened. Varela got a standby ticket and boarded just before takeoff.
Regaining her composure， Varela went to the front of the plane to tell Smith of her adventure. He was not there. She later found out that the governor was told that he had been bumped by an urgent standby passenger.It was Varela. Notes：
(1) Korea n.韩国
(2) Gov.州长（governor）
(3) Utah n.（美国）犹他州
(4) VIP重要人物（very important people）
(5) lounge n.休息室
(6) Seoul n.汉城（韩国之首都）
(7) press n.新闻
(8) embassy n.大使馆
(9) aide n.副官
(10) intervene v.介入；插入
(11) standby ticket 待机票
(12) composure n.泰然自若
(13) bump v.碰撞
紧急待机乘客
在韩国时，犹他州的州长麦克·史密斯正在汉城机场的要人休息室里休息。他在等着飞往日本的航班。与此同时，他的新闻秘书詹妮·维蕾拉，在售票房被告知没票了。
她坚持说要乘此航班，因为她是一位美国的州长的随员，这样美国大使馆的一位副官介入了。维蕾拉拿到一张待机票并赶在飞机起飞前登了机。