“I was surprised to get that letter，”Dr.L—said as he related the incident before the class.“I was both surprised and complimented.I had never had an X-ray manufacturer seeking my advice before.It made me feel important.I was busy every night that week，but I canceled a dinner appointment in order to look over the equipment.The more I studied it，the more I discovered for myself how much I liked it.
“Nobody had tried to sell it to me.I felt that the idea of buying that equipment for the hospital was my own.”
A man up in the beautiful Canadian province of New Brunswick used this technique on me and won my patronage.I was planning at the time to do some fishing and canoeing in New Brunswick.So I wrote the tourist bureau for information.Evidently my nameand address were put on a mailing list，for I was immediately overwhelmed with scores of letters and booklets and printed testimonials from camps and guides.I was bewildered.I didn’t know which to choose.Then one camp owner did a clever thing.He sent me the names and telephone numbers of several New York people who had stayed at his camp and he invited me to telephone them and discover for myself what he had to offer.
I found to my surprise that I knew one of the men on his list.I telephoned him，found out what his experience had been，and then wired the camp the date of my arrival.
Twenty-five centuries ago，Lao-tse，a Chinese sage，said somethings that readers of this book might use today：
“The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them.Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams.So the sage，wishing to be above men，putteth himself below them；wishing to be before them，he putteth himself behind them.Thus，though his place be above men，they do not feel his weight；though his place be before them，they do not count it an injury.”
PRINCIPLE 7：
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Chapter 17
A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You
Remember that other people may be totally wrong.But they don’t think so.Don’t condemn them.Any fool can do that.Try to understand them.Only wise，tolerant，exceptional people even try to do that.
There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does.Ferret out that reason—and you have the key to his actions，perhaps to his personality.Try honestly to put yourself in his place.
If you say to yourself，“How would I feel，how would I react if I were in his shoes？”you will save yourself time and irritation，for “by becoming interested in the cause，we are less likely to dislike the effect.”And，in addition，you will sharply increase your skill in human relationships.
I have always enjoyed walking and riding in a park near my home.Like the Druids of ancient Gaul，I all but worship an oak tree，so I was distressed season after season to see the young trees and shrubs killed off by needless fires.These fires weren’t caused by careless smokers.They were almost all caused by youngsters who went out to the park to go native and cook a frankfurter or an egg under the trees.Sometimes，these fires raged so fiercely that the fire department had to be called out to fight the conflagration.
There was a sign on the edge of the park saying that anyone who started a fire was liable to fine and imprisonment，but the sign stood in an unfrequented part of the park，and few of the culprits ever saw it.A mounted policeman was supposed to look after the park；but he didn’t take his duties too seriously，and the fires continued to spread season after season.On one occasion，I rushed up to a policeman and told him about a fire spreading rapidly through the park and wanted him to notify the fire department，and he nonchalantly replied that it was none of his business because it wasn’t in his precinct！I was desperate，so after that when I went riding，I acted as a self-appointed committee of one to protect the public domain.In the beginning，I am afraid I didn’t even attempt to see the other people’s point of view.When I saw a fire blazing under the trees，I was so unhappy about it，so eager to do the right thing，that I did the wrong thing.I would ride up to the boys，warn them that they could be jailed for starting a fire，order with a tone of authority that it be put out；and，if they refused，I would threaten to have them arrested.I was merely unloading my feelings without thinking of their point of view.
The result？They obeyed—obeyed sullenly and with resentment.After I rode on over the hill，they probably rebuilt the fire and longed to burn up the whole park.
With the passing of the years，I acquired a trifle more knowledge of human relations，a little more tact，a somewhat greater tendency to see things from the other person’s standpoint.Then，instead of giving orders，I would ride up to a blazing fire and begin something like this：
“Having a good time，boys？What are you going to cook for supper？...I loved to build fires myself when I was a boy—and I still love to.But you know they are very dangerous here in the park.I know you boys don’t mean to do any harm，but other boys aren’t so careful.They come along and see that you have built a fire；so they build one and don’t put it out when they go home and it spreads among the dry leaves and kills the trees.We won’t have any trees here at all if we aren’t more careful，You could be put in jail for building this fire.But I don’t want to be bossy and interfere with your pleasure.I like to see you enjoy yourselves；but won’t you please rake all the leaves away from the fire right now—and you’llbe careful to cover it with dirt，a lot of dirt，before you leave，won’t you？And the next time you want to have some fun，won’t you please build your fire over the hill there in the sandpit？It can’t do any harm there....Thanks so much，boys.Have a good time.”