“Gentlemen，”he started，“you are leaders.You will be most effective when you lead by example.You must be the example for your men to follow.You know what the army regulations say about haircuts.I am going to get my hair cut today，although it is still much shorter than some of yours.You look at yourself in the mirror，and if you feel you need a haircut to be a good example，we’ll arrange time for you to visit the post barbership.”
PRINCIPLE 2：
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
Chapter 24
Talk About Your Own Mistakes First
My niece，Josephine Carnegie，had come to New York to be my secretary.She was nineteen，had graduated from high school three years previously，and her business experience was a trifle more than zero.She became one of the most proficient secretaries west of Suez，but in the beginning，she was—well，susceptible to improvement.One day when I started to criticize her，I said to myself：“Just a minute，Dale Carnegie；just a minute.You are twice as old as Josephine.You have had ten thousand times as much business experience.How can you possibly expect her to have your viewpoint，your judgment，your initiative—mediocre though they may be？And just a minute，Dale，what were you doing at nineteen？Remember the asinine mistakes and blunders you made？Remember the time you did this ...and that...？”
After thinking the matter over，honestly and impartially，I concluded that Josephine’s batting average at nineteen was better than mine had been—and that，I’m sorry to confess，isn’t paying Josephine much of a compliment.
So after that，when I wanted to call Josephine’s attention to a mistake，I used to begin by saying，“You have made a mistake，Josephine，but the Lord knows，it’s no worse than many I have made.You were not born with judgment.That comes only with experience，and you are better than I was at your age.I have been guilty of so many stupid，silly things myself，I have very little inclination to criticize you or anyone.But don’t you think it would have been wiser if you had done so and so？”It isn’t nearly sodifficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizingbegins by humbly admitting that he，too，is far from impeccable.
E.G.Dillistone，an engineer in Canada，was having problems with his new secretary.Letters he dictated were coming to his desk for signature with two or three spelling mistakes per page.Mr.Dillistone reported how he handled this：
“Like many engineers，I have not been noted for my excellent English or spelling.For years I have kept a little black thumb-index book for words I had trouble spelling.When it became apparent that merely pointing out the errors was not going to cause my secretary to do more proofreading and dictionary work，I resolved to take another approach.When the next letter came to my attention that had errors in it，I sat down with the typist and said：
“‘somehow this word doesn’t look right.It’s one of the words I always have had trouble with.That’s the reason I started this spelling book of mine.[I opened the book to the appropriate page.]Yes，here it is.I’m very conscious of my spelling now because people do judge us by our letters and misspellings make us look less professional.’
“I don’t know whether she copied my system or not，but since that conversation，her frequency of spelling errors has been significantly reduced.”
Admitting one’s own mistakes—even when one hasn’t corrected them—can help convince somebody to change his behavior.This was illustrated more recently by Clarence Zerhusen of Timonium，Maryland，when he discovered his fifteen-year-old son was experimenting with cigarettes.
“Naturally，I didn’t want David to smoke，”Mr.Zerhusen told us，“but his mother and I smoked cigarettes；we were giving him a bad example all the time.I explained to Dave how I startedsmoking at about his age and how the nicotine had gotten the best of me and now it was nearly impossible for me to stop.I reminded him how irritating my cough was and how he had been after me to give up cigarettes not many years before.
“I didn’t exhort him to stop or make threats or warn him about their dangers.All I did was point out how I was hooked on cigarettes and what it had meant to me.
“He thought about it for a while and decided he wouldn’t smoke until he had graduated from high school.As the years went by David never did start smoking and has no intention of ever doing so.
“As a result of that conversation I made the decision to stop smoking cigarettes myself，and with the support of my family，I have succeeded.”
A good leader follows this principle：
PRINCIPLE 3：
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
Chapter 25
No One Likes to Take Orders
I once had the pleasure of dining with Miss Ida Tarbell，the dean of American biographers.When I told her I was writing this book，we began discussing this all-important subject of getting along with people，and she told me that while she was writing her biography of Owen D.Young，she interviewed a man who had sat for three years in the same office with Mr.Young.This man declared that during all that time he had never heard Owen D.Young give a direct order to anyone.He always gave suggestions，not orders.Owen D.Young never said，for example，“Do this or do that，”or “Don’t do this or don’t do that.”He would say，“You might consider this，”or “Do you think that would work？”Frequently he would say，after he had dictated a letter，“What do you think of this？”In looking over a letter of one of his assistants，he would say，“Maybe if we were to phrase it this way it would be better.”He always gave people the opportunity to do things themselves；he never told his assistants to do things；he let them do them，let them learn from their mistakes.
A technique like that makes it easy for a person to correct errors.A technique like that saves a person’s pride and gives him or her a feeling of importance.It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion.