By Mickele Camplell
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但我并不是害怕爸爸冲我大吼大叫或者生我的气,我并不害怕他。
只是他眼中的悲伤让我感到恐惧。我遇到了麻烦,受到了伤害,但是却没有向他寻求帮助和支持。
我已意识到自己不再是他的小女孩儿了。
'Will you tell Daddy for me?'
That was the worst part.At seventeen,telling my mom that I was pregnant was hard enough,but telling my dad was impossible.Daddy had always been a constant source of courage in my life.He had always looked at me with pride,and I had always tried to live my life in a way that would make him proud.Until this.Now it would all be shattered1.I would no longer be Daddy's little girl.He would never look at me the same again.I heaved2 a defeated sigh and leaned against my mom for comfort.
'I'll have to take you somewhere while I tell your father.Do you understand why?'
'Yes,Mama.'Because he wouldn't be able to look at me,that's why.
I went to spend the evening with the minister of our church,Brother Lu,who was the only person I felt comfortable with at that time.He counseled3 and consoled4 me,while Mom went home and called my dad at work to break the news.
It was all so unreal.At that time,being with someone who didn't judge me was a good thing.We prayed and talked,and I began to accept and understand the road that lay ahead for me.Then I saw the headlights in the window.
Mom had come back to take me home,and I knew Dad would be with her.I was so afraid.I ran out of the living room and into the small bathroom,closing and locking the door.Brother Lu followed and reprimanded5 me gently.
'Missy,you can't do this.You have to face him sooner or later.He isn't going home without you.Come on.'
'Okay,but will you stay with me?I'm scared.'
'Of course,Missy.Of course.'I opened the door and slowly followed Brother Lu back to the living room.Mom and Dad still hadn't come in yet.I figured they were sitting in the car,preparing Dad for what to do or say when he saw me.Mom knew how afraid I was.But it wasn't fear that my father would yell at me or be angry with me.I wasn't afraid of him.It was the sadness in his eyes that frightened me.The knowledge that I had been in trouble and pain,but had not come to him for help and support.The realization that I was no longer his little girl.
I heard the footsteps on the sidewalk and the light tap on the wooden door.My lips began to quiver,opening a new floodgate6 of tears,and I hid behind Brother Lu.Mom walked in first and hugged him,then looked at me with a weak smile.Her eyes were swollen7 from her own tears,and I was thankful she had not wept in front of me.And then he was there.He didn't even shake Luther's hand,just nodded as he swept by,coming to me and gathering me up into his strong arms,holding me close as he whispered to me,'I love you.I love you,and I will love your baby,too.'
He didn't cry.Not my dad.But I felt him quiver against me.I knew it took all of his control not to cry,and I was proud of him for that.And thankful.When he pulled back and looked at me,there was love and pride in his eyes.Even at that difficult moment.
'I'm sorry,Daddy.I love you so much.'
'I know.Let's go home.'And home we went.All of my fear was gone.There would still be pain and trials that I could not even imagine.But I had a strong,loving family that I knew would always be there for me.Most of all,I was still Daddy's little girl,and armed with that knowledge,there wasn't a mountain I couldn't climb or a storm I couldn't weather8.
Thank you,Daddy.
迈克尔·卡贝尔
“您愿意替我告诉爸爸吗?”
这是最糟糕的时候了。17岁的我,把怀孕的事告诉妈妈已经很不容易了,但要把这件事告诉爸爸,那简直就是不可能的。爸爸一直鼓励我,是我生命中力量的源泉。他总是充满自豪地看着我,而我也一直努力争取使我的生活能够让他为之骄傲。直到发生了这件事。现在,所有的一切都被破坏了。我再也不是爸爸的小女孩了。他再也不会用同样的眼神看着我。我长长地叹了口气,然后靠在妈妈的怀里,寻求慰藉。
“我得先把你送到其他地方去,再来和你爸爸谈这件事。你知道为什么吗?”
“我知道,妈妈!”因为他绝不能看到我现在这个样子,这就是原因。
那天晚上我到了教堂牧师卢瑟哥哥家去借宿。那个时候,他是唯一让我感觉到可以舒服地呆在一起的人。他给我忠告,还安慰我。而此时妈妈回了家,给正在上班的爸爸打去电话。她要把这件事告诉他。
这一切都显得那么不真实。在那个时候,与一个不对我评头论足的人呆在一起真是太好了。我们一起祈祷、交谈。然后,我开始接受并弄明白了自己以后的路会是什么样子。再后来,我看到窗外的车头灯了。
妈妈过来接我回家了。我知道她是和爸爸一起来的。我真的害怕极了。我从起居室跑了出来,躲进了狭小的卫生间里。我把门关上并锁好。卢瑟哥哥跟着跑过来,轻声地斥责我。
“小姑娘,你不能这样。你迟早都得面对他的。你不跟着回,他是不会回去的。快出来吧!”
“好吧,但是你会一直站在我身边吗?我太害怕了!”
“当然,小姑娘,当然会的。”我打开门,慢慢地跟随卢瑟哥哥回到起居室。妈妈和爸爸还没有进来。我猜想他们还坐在车里,妈妈一定是在交代爸爸见到我的时候该说什么、做什么。妈妈很清楚我有多么害怕。但我并不是害怕爸爸冲我大吼大叫或者生我的气,我并不害怕他。只是他眼中的悲伤让我感到恐惧。我遇到了麻烦,受到了伤害,但是却没有向他寻求帮助和支持。我已意识到自己不再是他的小女孩儿了。
我听到外面人行道上传来了脚步声,接着是轻轻敲击木门的声音。我的嘴唇开始颤抖,眼泪又抑制不住地开始往下掉。我躲在卢瑟哥哥的背后。妈妈先走了进来,拥抱了一下卢瑟哥哥,然后对着我勉强笑了笑。她的眼睛也因为流泪而红肿了,我很感激她没有在我面前哭出来。接着爸爸进来了。他甚至没有跟卢瑟握手,只是走过时冲他点了点头。他径直走到我面前,用他强有力的双臂将我抱住,紧紧地抱着,低声对我说:“我爱你,我爱你!而且我也会爱你的小宝宝的!”
爸爸没有哭。我的爸爸是不会哭的。但是我感觉到他的身子在颤抖。我知道他一定用尽了全身力气让自己不哭出来。对此我相当自豪,而且充满感激。当他站直身子,再看着我时,他的眼中仍就充满爱与自豪,即使是在这样艰难的时刻。
“我很抱歉,爸爸,我真的很爱你!”
“我知道。我们回家吧。”于是我们回了家。我所有的恐惧都消失得无影无踪。虽然,将来仍会有许多我无法想象的伤害和考验,但是我有一个坚强的、充满了爱的家庭,我知道他们会一直支持我。最重要的是,我仍然是爸爸心爱的小女孩儿。只要懂得了这一点,没有什么山是我翻不过去的,也没有什么风暴是我承受不了的。
谢谢你,爸爸。
生词空间 New Words
1.shatter v.使粉碎,砸碎;使破灭
2.heave v.(吃力地)发出(叹声、呻吟声)heave a sigh 叹息
3.counsel v.提出劝告(建议)
4.console v.安慰,慰问
5.reprimand v.训诫,谴责
6.floodgate n.水门,水闸门;防洪闸门
7.swell v.肿(膨)胀,鼓起
8.weather v.战胜暴风雨;度过难关
妙语连珠:Beautiful Sentences
1)My lip began to quiver,opening a new floodgate of tears.
我的嘴唇开始颤抖,眼泪又抑制不住地开始往下掉。
2)Most of all,I was still Daddy's little girl,and armed with that knowledge,there wasn't a mountain I couldn't climb or a storm I couldn't weather.
最重要的是,我仍然是爸爸心爱的小女孩儿。只要懂得了这一点,没有什么山是我翻不过去的,也没有什么风暴是我承受不了的。
心灵感悟:
My father had always said that there are four things a child needs plenty of love,nourishing food,regular sleep,and lots of soap and water—and after those,what he needs most is some intelligent neglect.
我父亲总是说,一个孩子需要四样东西——充分的爱、富于营养的食物、有规律的睡眠、大量的肥皂和水——这些完了呢,他最需要的是一些明智的放任。
——Ivy Baker Priest,American officer of government
——美国政府官员 普里斯特.I.B