就医记
So I went to a doctor.
于是，我去找大夫了。
“How long has it been since you took any alcohol into your system？” he asked.
“你初次喝酒以来，到现在有多久了？”他问道。
Turning my head sidewisesidewise adj.向一边的， 横斜的， I answered， “Oh， quite awhile.”
我侧过脸回答说：“哦，有些时候了。”
He was a young doctor， somewhere between twenty and forty. He wore heliotropeheliotrope n.［植］向日葵， 天芥菜属植物， 该植物的花香，淡紫色 socks， but he looked like Napoleon. I liked him immensely.
他是个年轻的大夫，年纪在二十到四十之间。他穿的袜子是淡紫色的，不过他却像拿破仑。我很喜欢他。
“Now，” said he， “I am going to show you the effect of alcohol upon your circulationcirculation n.循环， 流通， 发行额.” I think it was “circulation” he said， though it may have been “advertising”.
“现在，”他说，“我要让你看看酒精对你的血液循环所起的作用。”我听他说的好像是“循环”但也可能是“广告”。
He bared my left arm to the elbow， brought out a bottle of whiskey， and gave me a drink. He began to look more like Napoleon. I began to like him better.
他把我的袖管挽到胳膊肘上面，取出一瓶威士忌，让我喝了一杯。他更像拿破仑了。我开始更喜欢他了。
Then he put a tight compress on my upper arm， stopped my pulse with his fingers， and squeezed a rubber bulb connected with an apparatusapparatus n.器械， 设备， 仪器 on a stand that looked like a thermometerthermometer n.温度计， 体温计. The mercury jumped up and down without seeming to stop anywhere； but the doctor said it registered two hundred and thirtyseven or one hundred and sixtyfive or some such number.
接着，他用一条压布扎紧我的胳膊，用手指按住我的脉息，捏着一个同温度计似的仪器连在一起的橡皮圆球。水银柱上下跳动。似乎没有停过；但大夫说表上是二百三十七，或者是一百六十五，或是诸如此类的数字。
“Now，” said he， “you see what alcohol does to the bloodpressure.”
“现在，”他说，“你看到酒精对血压的作用了吧。”
“Its marvellous，” said I， “but do you think it a sufficient test？ Have one on me， and lets try the other arm.” But， no！
“太棒啦，”我说，“不过你认为这次试验够了吗？我觉得挺有意思。我们再试试另一条胳膊吧。”但是他不干。
Then he grasped my hand. I thought I was doomed and he was saying goodbye. But all he wanted to do was to jab a needle into the end of a finger and compare the red drop with a lot of fiftycent poker chips that he had fastened to a card.
随后，他捉住我的手。我以为自己大概得了不治之症，他要和我告别。然而他只用一枚针在我指尖上猛扎一下，挤出一滴血，同粘在卡片上的许多像五毛钱扑克筹码似的东西加以比较。
“Its the haemoglobinhaemoglobin n.血色素， 血红蛋白 test.” he explained. “The colour of your blood is wrong.”
“这是血红蛋白试验。”他解释说。“你的血色不对头。”
“Well，” said I， “I know it should be blue. but this is a country of mixups. Some of my ancestorsancestor n.祖先， 祖宗 were cavaliers， but they got thick with some people on Nantucket Island， so—”
“是啊，”我说，“我知道应该是蓝色，不过我们这个国家的血统很混杂。我祖先中间有几个是骑士，可他们同通塔基特岛上的一些人混熟了，所以——”
“I mean，” said the doctor， “that the shade of red is too light.”
“我指的是，”大夫说，“红色太浅了。”
“Oh，” said I， “its a case of matching instead of matches.”
“哦，”我说，“那就不是婚姻匹配，而是颜色搭配的问题了。”
The doctor then pounded me severely in the region of the chest. When he did that I dont know whether he reminded me most of Napoleon or Battling or Lord Nelson. Then he looked grave and mentioned a string of grievancesgrievance n.委屈， 冤情， 不平 that the flesh is heir to—mostly ending in “it is”. I immediately paid him fifteen dollars on account.
接着，大夫使劲按我的胸部。他这么干的时候，我说不清楚地使我想起的是拿破仑、战役，还是纳尔逊王。他脸色阴沉，说了一连串凡夫俗子难免的病痛——大多数都以“炎”为结尾。我马上先付他十五块钱。
“Is or are it or some or any of them necessarily fatal？” I asked. I thought my connection with the matter justified my manifesting a certain amount of interest.
“你说的毛病中有没有哪一种或哪几种肯定会致命的？”我问道。作为与此休戚相关的当事人，我觉得应当表示一些兴趣。
“All of them.” he answered cheerfully. “But their progress may be arrested. With care and proper continuous treatment you may live to be eightyfive or ninety.”
“全部都会。”他回答得很轻松。“但是它们的进展可以抑制。只要经过精心治疗，不断治疗，你可以活到八十五岁或者九十岁。”
I began to think of the doctors bill. “Eightyfive would be sufficient， I am sure” was my comment. I paid him ten dollars more on account.
我联想到大夫的账单，赶快表态说：八十五就够啦。“我又取出十块钱，预付给他。
“The first thing to do，” he said， with renewed animationanimation n.活泼， 有生气， “is to find a sanitariumsanitarium n.疗养院， 疗养所 where you will get a complete rest for a while， and allow your nerves to get into a better condition. I myself will go with you and select a suitable one.
“现在的首要任务，”他大受鼓舞地说，“是替你找个疗养院，让你彻底休息一段时间，改善你的神经状况。我亲自陪你去，挑选一个合适的地方。”
So he took me to a madhouse in the Catskills. It was on a bare mountain frequented only by infrequent frequentersfrequenter n.常常来访者， 常客. You could see nothing but stones and boulders， some patches of snow， and scattered pine trees. The young physician in charge was most agreeable. He gave me a stimulantstimulant n.刺激物 without applying a compress to the arm. It was luncheon time， and we were invited to partake. There were about twenty inmates at little tables in the dining room. The young physician in charge came to our table and said， “It is a custom with our guests not to regard themselves as patients， hut merely as tired ladies and gentlemen taking a rest. Whatever slight maladiesmalady n.疾病 they may have are never alluded to in conversation.”
他把我带到卡茨基尔的一家疯人院。疯人院坐落在一个光秃秃的山上，只有为数不多的常客才光临那里。那地方满目荒凉，惟有大小石头，几片未融的积雪和稀稀拉拉的松树。年轻的主治医师倒非常可亲。他没在我胳膊上扎压布就给了我一股兴奋剂。那时正好开午饭，他便请我们一起就餐。餐厅里有二十来个住院病人，分坐在几张小桌旁。年轻的主治医师走到我们桌前说道：“这里有个惯例：我们的客人不把自己当作病人，而只是来休养的疲倦的先生太太。不论他们有什么小毛病，谈话中绝对不提。”
My doctor called loudly to a waitress to bring some phosphoglyceratephosphoglycerate n.［生化］磷酸甘油酸盐(或酯) of lime hash， dogbread， bromoseltzer pancakes， and nux vomica tea for my repast. Then a sound arose like a sudden wind storm among pine trees. It was produced by every guest in the room whispering loudly， “Neurasthenia！”—except one man with a nose， whom I distinctly heard say， “Chronic alcoholismalcoholism n.酒精中毒.” I hope to meet him again. The physician in charge turned and walked away.
陪伴我的大夫高声吩咐女侍替我准备一些磷酸甘油酸、石灰炒肉末、热狗面包、清泡腾盐薄饼和番木鳖茶。这时，餐厅里发出一种声音，仿佛松树林里突然刮起了一阵暴风。在场的人叽叽喳喳地议论开了：“神经衰弱！”——只有一个鼻子灵敏的人是例外，我清清楚楚地听见他说：“慢性酒精中毒。”我希望同他进一步认识认识。主治医师转身走了。
An hour or so after luncheon he conducted us to the workshop—say fifty yards from the house. Thither the guests had been conducted by the physician in charges understudy and spongeholder—a man with feet and a blue sweater. He was so tall that I was not sure he had a face， hut the Armour Packing Company would have been delighted with his hands.
饭后一小时左右，他陪我们去工场——那里离院部有五十码远。在工场负责照料客人们的是主治医师的替身和助手——一个只见两脚和蓝色运动衫的人。他个子太高了，我甚至不敢肯定他有没有长着脸，不过盔甲包装公司一定乐意雇用他。
“Here，” said the physician in charge， “our guests find relaxation from past mental worries by devoting themselves to physical labour—recreation， in reality.”
“我们的客人们，”主治医师说，“在这里从事体力劳动——实际上是娱乐，从而消除他们过去的精神烦恼。”