书城外语尽头处,生命更灿烂
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第31章 生命值得我们活下去 (5)

Bill' s optimism amazed me, especially in contrast to my own tendency toward pessimism. He gave credits to his parents, who taught him a strong faith. They fought to get him into public school; after he graduated, his father told him, "Get a job." He wasn' t being harsh. It' s just that they' d never coddled Bill; instead, they had always insisted he could do anything he set his mind to and they never let him give up. Bill got an interview with Watkins Incorporated, a company whose salesmen peddle home remedies and spices door to door. Bill told the director, "Selling is in my blood. It almost doesn' t matter what the product is, as long as I believe in it. Give me a chance and you' ll see."

The director gave Bill a job on a trial basis. He knocked on door after door and heard no after no. Then Bill started making sales. He walked his route eight hours a day, or more, and became the company' s top salesman in the entire Northwest. It wasn' t easy. Every morning, Bill' s alarm went off at 4:45 a.m.. His bus downtown left at 7:20 a.m.. Bill needed all that time because he doesn' t like to dress in a rush. "Appearance is essential," he said. Each morning he put on clean socks, pressed trousers and fresh white shirt. He would leave his cuffs unbuttoned, his wingtips loosely tied, and his tie in the briefcase. Some friends at a hotel near where he made a bus transfer attended to those loose ends. Bill would hit the streets, knocking on every single door, telling himself, "The next customer will say yes." The key is, Bill believes they' ll all say yes eventually.

I kept working for Bill even after I had a few more children. John was making more money, but I continued to scrimp and save. Honestly, it had become a compulsion. I still went through life with a sense of foreboding. Faith was still an insurance policy against disaster rather than a way to meet life head-on. Bill used his faith every day, getting out of bed and expecting the best. Would I ever look at life that way? Even my husband was frustrated with me. One weekend John wanted to go to a movie. "We can catch the seven o' clock show." "Honey, can' t we go to the matinee?" I asked. "It' s cheaper." "We can afford it." He was right, but I couldn' t stop worrying about money and the future. It all stemmed from my childhood, and I' d never be able to overcome that.

One winter day a storm was forecast for Portland. Of course to Bill the weather report was good news. "Perfect for a door-to-door salesman," he said. "Everyone' s home!" So he bundled up and made his rounds until he had made his quota. But then, the buses had stopped running because the roads were so bad. He had to hitchhike home, only to discover the steep driveway leading to his front door was a sheet of ice. He tried to get up it again and again, but kept falling down. Finally he got down on his hands and knees and crawled to the front door thoroughly satisfied with his day' s work. He told me about it the next morning. It was as if the cumulative affect of working with Bill and his optimism sank in. I wanted to stop worrying about life and start enjoying it.

It' s been 20 years now that I' ve worked for Bill. Once in a while those old worries start in on me. It is then I think about my friend Bill crawling up his icy driveway. I hear him saying, "There are no obstacles, Shelly. Only challenges." When I follow his example, I' m able to let go and feel free. Yes, Bill Porter' s finally got me looking forward to the opportunities God opens for us, one door at a time. And these days when my family goes to the movies we see the full-priced show-and splurge on popcorn.

20年前,当我们生第一个孩子的时候,我和丈夫约翰就商量好了,我要在家里做全职妈妈,这意味着我们就得只靠他一个人的工资生活了。为了还房贷和学生贷款,我们节衣缩食。我们常以通心粉和奶酪为主食,而且再也没有去看过电影。

我们剪下商家的优惠券,并且买打折的商品。在星期二,廉价旧货店会出售“新”商品;星期三,快过期的肉类和奶类商品会半价出售;星期六,我们会赶在别人之前去买私人摆在门前要出售的商品。但是,对于这一切我早就习惯了,因为我从小就过着缺吃少穿的生活。因此为了摆脱贫困,我早就定下了实际目标,即上大学,拥有牢固的婚姻和一份事业。这些我都做到了,但是,我仍然无法想象我的生活会永远不如意。我的信仰更像是安全网,而不能成为我企盼美好生活的理由。

那天的一个电话让我的生活有了转机。“谢莉吗?我是比尔·波特。”我听到电话那端的声音。比尔是一名上门推销的推销员,我上高中的时候,替他送过货。“你愿不愿意再回来为我送货?每周工作几天。”我和约翰商量好,就去给比尔打工了。

你一看到比尔,就会注意他与众不同的外表。他的耳朵特别大,走路时,弯着腰,拖着步子,右手总攥成一个拳头。他说话的速度非常慢。少女时期的我不好意思提起这些事情,但再次为他工作时,我问起了这个问题。

“比尔,你患有多发性硬化这类疾病吗?”我问。“我患有脑瘫。”他如实地回答。我想,他知道我谈及这个问题会很紧张。“你怎么会得这种病,它会恶化吗?”“我出生时,医生的钳子伤到了我的大脑。我的病永远都不会恶化,但也不会好转。然而,这并不影响我决心要做的事情。”

比尔的乐观使我很吃惊,特别是这和我的悲观情绪形成了鲜明对比。他感激他的父母,因为是他们教导他要有坚定的信念。他们努力培养他上公立学校,毕业后,父亲对他说:“去找工作吧。”这不能说他的父亲苛刻,而恰恰说明他们不想娇惯儿子。相反,他们坚持比尔可以做任何他想做的事情,只要他有决心,他们绝不会让他放弃。比尔获得了沃特金集团公司的一次面试机会,这个公司的推销员要上门推销家用药物和香料。比尔对面试官说:“我天生就会推销,任何东西,只要我信任它,我就可以推销出去。您不妨给我个机会,让我试试看。”

这位面试官给了他一份工作——不过,是试用。他敲响了一家又一家的门,一次又一次地被拒绝,后来,开始有人买比尔的东西。比尔每天沿着他的销售路线工作八个小时,有时时间会更长,这样,他成为公司整个西北地区的顶级销售人员。当然,这很不容易,每天早晨4点45分,闹钟就会把他叫醒,而他要坐7点20分开往市区的公交车。比尔需要充足的准备时间,他不想匆忙地穿衣。“外表很重要。”他说。每天早晨,他都穿干净的袜子,熨得平平整整的裤子,还有白色的衬衫。他不会扣袖口上的扣子,鞋带也松松地系上,把领带放在手提包里。在换乘车站附近有一家旅馆,那里的几个朋友会帮他扣上袖口上的扣子,系好鞋带,打好领带。然后,他就走上大街挨家挨户地推销。他对自己说:“下一个客户肯定会说‘是' 的。”更重要的是,比尔相信,他们最终都会同意购买他的商品的。

后来,我又有了几个孩子,但我继续为比尔打工。约翰的工资也长了,可我们继续过着节衣缩食的生活。这已经成为一个强迫性的习惯,我仍然为将来的生活担忧,我的信条依然是要为将来买意外保险,而不是积极地应对目前的生活。而比尔坚持自己的信仰,每天早晨起来都对生活充满最美好的希望。我会像比尔一样乐观地生活吗?丈夫也因为我感到很沮丧。一个周末,约翰想去看电影。“我们可以赶得上7点钟的那场。”“亲爱的,我们为什么不白天去看呢?”我问,“那样会便宜些。”“但是,我们买得起电影票。”我知道约翰是对的,但我总是为钱和将来担忧。这种担忧从孩提时就产生了,根深蒂固,我一直都无法摆脱它的束缚。

冬季的一天,天气预报说波特兰会有大风暴,比尔当然很高兴。“这样的天气对一名上门推销员是非常有利的,”他说,“因为人们都待在家里。”所以他把商品捆起来,挨家挨户地去推销,一直工作到完成销售任务。这时,由于天气原因造成的糟糕路况,导致公交车停运了。他不得不搭便车回家,但是,他发现自家门前那条陡峭的车道太滑了,他多次摔倒又多次爬起,最终手脚并用地爬回了家。然而,他心里特别高兴,为那天圆满的工作而高兴。第二天上午,他把发生的事告诉了我。也许是由于长时间为比尔工作,受到他乐观精神的影响,我不再为将来的生活发愁了,而是开始享受生活。

我已经为比尔工作了20年。有时,以前的焦虑感还会影响我,每当这时,我就会想起我的朋友比尔在他家门前结满冰的车道上爬行的情景,我听到他说:“谢莉,生活中没有阻碍,只有挑战。”当我向他学习时,我就会放松,就会感到自由。是的,比尔最终让我希望上帝在赐予我们机会时,每次只开一道门。现在,我们家去看电影时都买全价的电影票,而且,我们还舍得花钱买爆米花了。