The Day That You’re Inaugurated
A woman and her husband were out shopping when she realized that she needed to purchasepurchase some hair color for her graying hair.
“When are you going to stop buying that expensive stuff，”complained the husband，“and let your hair go gray like Barbara Bush？”
“The day that you’re inauguratedinaugurate.”the wife replied.
在你宣誓就职的那天
一个妇人正和丈夫在外面购物，她想起来需要为自己渐渐变白的头发买一些染发剂。
“你什么时候才会停止购买这些昂贵的东西，”丈夫抱怨说：“而让你的头发自然变白，就像巴巴拉·布什那样呢？”
“在你宣誓就职的那天。”妻子回答道。
An Advertisement forModern Bicycle
Tom saw an advertisementadvertisement in a newspaper for a beautiful modern bicycle which cost ￡50，so he went to the shop to have a look.
After examining the bicycle carefully，Tom turned to the shopkeeper and said，“There isn’t a lamp on this bicycle，but there was one on the bicycle in your advertisement.”“Yes，sir，”answered the shopkeeper，“but the lamp isn’t included in the price of the bicycle.It’s an extra.”
“Not included in the price of bicycle？”Tom said angrily，“But that’s not honest.If the lamp’s in the advertisement，it should have been included in the price you gave there.”
“Well，sir，”answered the shopkeeper calmly，“there is also a girl on the bicycle in our advertisement，shall we supply one for you too？”
摩登自行车广告
汤姆在报纸上看到一辆很漂亮的摩登自行车的广告，标价50英镑，于是他到商店去看一看。
汤姆很仔细地看完那辆自行车后，转过身对店主说：“这辆自行车少了一盏灯，但在广告上的自行车是有的。”“是的，先生，”店主回答说，“但那盏灯不包括在自行车的价格里面，是另外收费的。”
“不包括在自行车价格里面？”汤姆很生气，“但这是不诚实的。如果灯在广告上，它就应该包括在你所标出的价格之内。”
“嗯，先生，”店主冷静地回答：“在我们的自行车广告上还有一个女孩，难道我们也要为您提供一个吗？”
I Don’t Need to Steal Any More
The owner of a large department store went over his books and discovered that his most trusted employee had stolen over a million dollars from the firm．“I want no scandal.”said the owner．“I’ll just fire you．”
The employee replied，“True，I robbed your firm of quite a tidy sum．I now have yachtsyacht，a country mansionmansion，jewelry，and every luxury you can think of．I don’t need a thing，so why hire somebody else and have him start from scratchfrom scratch ？”
我不需要再偷了
一家大百货店的老板在查账中发现，他最信任的雇员从公司偷走了一百多万美元。“我不要丑闻。”老板说。“我只要开除你。”
那个雇员回答说：“不错，我是偷了你公司相当一大笔钱。现在我有游艇、一座乡村别墅、珠宝，以及你能想到的一切奢侈品。我什么都不需要了，你为什么要再雇个人来，让他从头做起呢？”
Buying a Hat
A lady went to a hat shop to buy a hat.As she was very fussy，it took her a long time to pick on one.Already at the end of his patience the salesman was afraid that she might change her mind again so he tried to flatter flatter her：“An excellent choice，madam.You look at least ten years younger with this hat on！”
To his dismaydismay，the lady took off her hat at once and said：“I don’t want a hat that makes me look ten years older as soon as I take it off.Show me some more hats！”
买帽子
一位妇女到一家帽子店买帽子。她很挑剔，用了很长时间才选好了一顶。已经忍耐到极限的售货员害怕她再改变主意，便恭维她：“你做了极好的选择，夫人。你戴上这顶帽子看上去起码年轻十岁！”
但令他沮丧的是，这位女士马上摘下了她的帽子说：“我不想要一顶摘下来便使我立刻显得老十岁的帽子。多拿一些帽子给我看看！”
The Lost Purse
A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping.It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.
Looking in her purse，she commented，“Hmmm…That’s funny.When I lost my bag there was a 20bill in it.Now there are twenty 1bills.”
The boy quickly replied，“That’s right，lady.The last time I found a lady’s purse，she didn’t have any change for a reward.”
丢失的钱包
一位女士圣诞节大购物，在匆忙中丢失了钱包。有一个诚实的小男孩找到了钱包并还给她。
女士看着钱包，说：“嗯，真有趣。我丢失钱包的时候，里面有一张20元的钞票，但现在变成了20张1元的零钞。”
小孩马上回答道：“没错，小姐。上次我找到了一位女士的钱包，但是她没有零钱作酬金。”
Why Didn’t You Go with Him
When I was in the grocery store I heard my friend moan，“Oh，did I just make a faux pasfaux pas ！”
I stopped thumpingthumping melons and gave her my full attention．“I ran into Mrs．Jones.”she wailed．“I didn’t know that her husband died last week，and I asked her how he was feeling．She said，‘He’s gone．’I assumed he went someplace for his health，and I said…”
The words seemed to stick in her throat．“What did you say？”I prodded her．“Good riddanceriddance ？”
“Worse than that．”I said，“‘Why didn’t you go with him？’”
你为什么不跟他一起去
在杂货店里我听见我的朋友呻吟着说：“噢，我刚才不是冒犯人家了吗！”
我停止拍打甜瓜，全神贯注地听她讲。
“我碰见了琼斯太太。”她哀号着。“我不知道她丈夫上周去世了，我问她他身体怎么样。她说：‘他去了。’我以为他因为健康原因去了什么地方，我说……”
话似乎噎在了她的喉咙口。
“你说什么了？”我催促她，“死了倒干净？”
“比那还糟呢。我是说：‘你为什么不跟他一起去？’”